Strengthen the weak hands and make firm the feeble knees.

I was so tired when my alarm went off this morning that I didn't know how I would get through nearly 14 hours at work, but get through it I did and came home feeling like I'd done a good job. I found reserves where I didn't think there were any.
Getting ready for Christmas can be like that- the thought of all that needs to be done can be so overwhelming, but then I find myself in the middle of it, coping...then it's all over and I feel like in the circumstances I've done ok.
Yet coping and getting through it doesn't somehow fit with what I want from Christmas this year. I want to encounter God, through experiencing the incarnation of his son- to meet my Lord in helpless human form. This can seem like an impossible task but I think the key might be simplicity. We've made Christmas so big, so complicated and invested so much in this one day. I want to strip it back to the simplicity of sharing love with my family and friends and taking time to worship God.

In the day of my distress I will call upon you

"In the day of my distress I will call upon you, for you will answer me".
Psalm 86:7

So this time yesterday I thought I was headed straight into my pre-Christmas wobble, but it seems not. Today I spent quality time with my husband- a rare treat, and one that I think has done both of us good. With work, the kids, my training, Mike soon to start ALM training and then Christmas preparations it's incredibly easy to neglect each other. Spending time together, away from the children and away from home is important, as is family time.
I've been willing to give up so much of myself to God, and to my job, that the family can sometimes feel like they're third best. Balance can be hard to find. I'm so lucky that my family understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, and incredibly blessed to have their love and support.

He has delivered me out of all my trouble

It was my last night at college for 3 weeks tonight and I think I'll be grateful for the break! My assignment is pretty much done, and I'm tired. My Advent meltdown still hasn't arrived, but it's looming- starting the feel the pressure of needing to write cards, tidy the house, put up decorations and make Christmas treats.
I need to keep focused on the fact of Christmas not being about those things, but that's easier said than done.

Wait on God alone in stillness

"Wait on God alone in stillness, O my soul; for in him is my hope."
Psalm 62:5

I was thinking today about how the ward will be at Christmas- which patients are likely to be in, how poorly they'll be. The nature of our speciality means it's unusual for patients to be allowed out. There's a massive disappointment for people who realise they'll be in hospital for Christmas, and in our case knowing they're having treatment that will make them ill before they get better. Christmas is still very much a time for families and togetherness, anything that interferes with that- even something that might ultimately save their life- is regarded with disdain.
Whether I'm working or not (and I am this year) I try to give a few moments on Christmas day to be thankful for my health, and my families health, and to say a prayer for all those who are apart from their loved ones because they're ill, and for those who are caring for them.

This is the way, walk in it

"your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’"
Isaiah 30:21

We're nearly half way through Advent now, Christmas day feels ever nearer, and I'm beginning to assess how I'm getting on preparing for it. The conclusions depend upon what measures I'm using.
If I'm looking as physical readiness things are a bit patchy. I have some festive food in the cupboards, after tomorrow all presents should be bought, but there's not so much as a bauble in our house and I've not written a single card yet. The house, as ever, is a mess.
In terms of church and my ordination training I've all but finished my assignment, many of the services I had responsibilities at are done and I just have some prayers to write for this coming Sunday.
What about my spiritual readiness? That was, after all, the point of my daily blogging. I'm pretty much on track with daily bible readings, and I'm nowhere near mental meltdown (watch this space- it's not Advent without it...). Mostly I'm trying the heed the words at the top of today's blog, to discern that voice and hear which way it wants to lead me.

The desert shall rejoice and blossom

I managed to freak everyone out by working a rare early shift this morning, the reason being that we had a service of Wholeness and Healing at St Michael's tonight. Andrew Bradley (former Christie chaplain) was our guest preacher and his sermon centred around the desert imagery in Isaiah 35:

" The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom like the crocus."

The three images he presented us with also work pretty well for Advent.
Firstly was the image of a journey or travelling. Advent is a journey, whether you're religious or not we're journeying towards Christmas day. For me it's a journey towards meeting Jesus.
Secondly the image of the desert as a chaotic place. I don't know about you but my Advent is always chaotic, usually resulting in a meltdown on around the 20th of December (I meet the bishop that night, so fingers crossed). There's so many things to remember and to do during Advent that it often feels like it's getting away from us.
Thirdly and finally the image of the desert as a baron place where nothing flourishes. All our efforts during Advent can feel fruitless as we strive towards creating a perfect and special day, and we beat ourselves up over not getting things "right".
I don't believe there is a perfect Christmas. I think it's our own attitude towards Christmas and making the most of the small things that can make it truly magical. Isaiah tells us the desert will blossom, for me that will happen if I realise Jesus loves and accepts me the way I am- the journey I'm taking, my chaos and even the ways in which I'm fruitless. He knows all this about me, and he loves me anyway.

Mostly filler

I had Sundays off blogging during Lent, so instead of my waffle here's a lovely photee of my daughter meeting Father Christmas yesterday.