The 9th

I am not here to pass judgement
or point the finger at anyone.
My name was written in the sand
as one who is forgiven.
Strengthened with hope, impervious to shame,
I will walk freely like the freshness
of the dry lands after rain.

Let light spill out of heaven
through my life,
dispelling mediocrity and silent blame.
Too many people, guilt-stricken, wounded,
walk in regret,
feeling bad about failing,
apologise even for breathing.

Raw belief, a passion for others
grows in me,
encircling each moment
with instinctive prayer.
I will carry the freshness
of the dry lands after rain.
Compassion lives in me again.

Andy Raine

I want compassion and passion for others to be my defining qualities. I want who I am on the inside to be shaped by my response to the world and people around me.
I think it would be really easy to resent people around me celebrating Christmas whilst I keep Advent, but I love the joy I see in people; I see God reflected in them. I've seen a trend amongst some religious people- to be very pompous about Advent, to have an air of superiority (ok, I may have been a bit that way myself at times) about not celebrating until Christmas Day, but in the words of Mr Emerson in Forster's A Room With a View "Do we find happiness so often that we should turn it off the box when it happens to sit there?"

Today I found joy in having a lie-in, was thankful for having a warm home and felt helpless about people feeling overwhelmed by Christmas.

Scripture

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.

Jeremiah 29:11-12

The 8th

When a great moment knocks on the door of your life,
it is often no louder than the beating of your heart,
and it is very easy to miss it.

Boris Pasternak

Our lives are so noisy, full and busy that I worry we miss the small, important things. I'm a great believer in small things; extraordinary ordinariness. If I take Advent as a time of preparation and anticipation it just might be easier to tune out some of the noise and tune into something important I might be missing that's right in front of me.

Today I found joy in catching up with a good friend, I am thankful for art and creative pursuits and I feel helpless about how ill prepared our government appears regarding Brexit.

Scripture

You will show me the path of life;
in your presence is the fullness of joy 
and in your right hand are pleasures for evermore.
Psalm 16:10

The 7th

Give me freedom to grow, so that I may become that self, the seed of which You planted in me at my making.

George Appleton

Advent and Christmas are times we can get so caught up in what we think we should be doing, who we should be and who we're projecting ourselves as. I want to spend time asking who I am, not who do I want to be or do I think I should be.
As a priest I'm often surrounded by people that I feel are far more able, gifted or holy than me. I have to remind myself that God called me to be myself, to bring my gifts and abilities in loving service to the world around me.

Today I found joy in the company of Huw, my parish priest, I was thankful for my ridiculously awesome kids and I felt helpless that my husband didn't get a job he wanted.

Scripture

When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
Jeremiah 29:13; 33:3

The 6th

When I stop at the cross
I can see the love of God.

But I can’t see competition.
I can’t see hierarchy.
I can’t see pride or prejudice
or the abuse of authority.
I can’t see lust for power.
I can’t see manipulation.
I can’t see rage or anger
or selfish ambition.

I can’t see unforgiveness.
I can’t see hate or envy.
I can’t see stupid fighting
or bitterness, or jealousy.
I can’t see empire building.
I can’t see self-importance.
I can’t see back-stabbing
or vanity or arrogance.

I see surrender, sacrifice, salvation,
humility, righteousness, faithfulness, grace, forgiveness, love!

Godfrey Birtill

I love today's meditation; it reminds me of all the things I should reject and by those things I reject shows what and who I am striving to be. If we strive to embody love, to reflect it in all we do, these are the things we must actively turn from.

Scripture
Strengthen the weary hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to the anxious, ‘Be strong, fear not.
Isaiah 35:3-4a

The 5th

God’s endless love contradicts the world and upsets all its pretentious meanings. The world seeks glory, honor, pleasure, pride, freedom from suffering, greed, hatred, resentment...But the God-Man chose utter poverty, insults, torment, ridicule, hunger, and thirst.

Catherine of Siena

I've made a conscious effort to move away from the more commercial side of Christmas to concentrate on keeping it simple; focusing on family, community (church, work and local) and simple pleasures. Finding joy in the small things has made me more content.

Today I found joy in sharing a meal with my family, I was thankful for my husband doing a few small jobs I'd asked him to (it means his mental health is good) and I felt helpless about night shifts cutting short the time I have with my children.

Scripture
By the tender mercy of our God,
    the dawn from on high will break uponaus,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
    to guide our feet into the way of peace.
Luke 1:78-79

The 4th

This is an extract from today's daily meditation from Richard Rohr:

James Finley learned from [Thomas] Merton while living at the Abbey of Gethsemani from 1961-1967. He reflects that Merton believed the world could not survive if religion remained at the clannish level. This false competition doesn’t serve anyone. On the other hand, openness to other traditions can and should deepen our commitment to our own faith and practice. This is one of the primary fruits of obeying Jesus’ simple command to “love our neighbor.” I presume loving others means listening to them and respecting them as brothers and sisters.

The only way we can learn is through an open mind and listening to others. It's fascinating that so many other faiths and traditions have winter festivals- what similarities are there? What's different? I love hearing not only about other people's Christmas traditions but the traditions of other faiths and cultures.
There should always be time for looking outwards at Christmas, assessing the bigger picture, connecting with people, thinking outside of our smaller communities to the bigger things we're a part of. I'm lucky that Manchester is such a diverse city, it's an amazing place to experience. I also work in an incredibly diverse environment with people from all over the world.

Today I felt joyful talking to an old friend, am thankful for my children's health and felt helpless not being able to give my patients the answers they want.

Scripture
I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.’
Psalm 40:8

The 3rd

We have to be candles, burning between hope and despair,
faith and doubt, life and death,
all the opposites.

(William Brodrick)

This is part of today's reflection from The Northumbria Community. The reflections are cyclical so I'm pretty familiar with many of them and this is the section of today's which always stands out for me.
It emphasises for me that life is not dualistic; whilst it lists opposites I believe it means we are forever in motion on the spectrum between the opposites. We are never fully one thing or another. There's also the challenge to be a candle on this spectrum- to both draw people to us and to illuminate.

This is really helpful I think when experiencing advent in our mostly secular country. We're both trying to prayerfully and patiently wait and prepare for Christmas day, and yet we're also caught up in many of the celebrations around us - this doesn't mean we aren't getting spiritually prepared too.

Today I found joy in leading our monthly family service, I was thankful that I'm entering Advent much more at peace than in previous years and I felt helpless over not getting enough sleep.

Scripture:
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ Psalm 31:14