Celebrate!

Keeping it brief tonight as I'm sure everyone is busy celebrating in their own way and tradition. For us that meant getting up with the kids to open presents, going to the Christmas day communion service and then coming back home for lunch with Mike's dad and my Anna.We worshipped God and then shared fellowship with those we love.
I've written about carols a few times but to explain why and what I'm celebrating this is my favourite verse from any carol and actually makes me cry when I sing it:

Mine are riches, from your poverty,
From your innocence eternity;
Mine forgiveness by your death for me,
Child of sorrow for my joy.

Thank you for reading, for your lovely comments and for living Advent with me. I wish you a joyous Christmas season and a fruitful year ahead.

Fi x

So thankful

I'm leaving for midnight mass in a few minutes so taking the time to contemplate the good things in my life. I have so much to be grateful for, I am lucky is so many ways and even the difficulties I'm experiencing are either transient or manageable.
God is so generous, so gracious and his love is reflected in those with whom I share my life.

Memories

I wasn't in a position to chat to an older person today about their experiences of Christmas so I've been trying to share my own experiences with my children. They enjoy hearing what's similar and what has changed to form our own family traditions.
One thing that has become a 'norm' that would have been alien to me as a child is my working over Christmas - my husband too as he's on call. It's something we accept and try to fit our family and church celebrations around. This year I have an unprecedented five days off and I'm doing my best to treasure it. Having the whole of Christmas eve and Christmas day with my family is a gift, and I don't know when it will happen again.
For many people working at Christmas is still alien so I would ask you to spare a thought and a prayer for those who must work.

He gives strength to the weary

Dog walks are a really good time for me to reflect and pray; it's just me and Lucy the beagle and I find it easier to focus than most other places.
This evening I was reflecting upon the things I'm not happy with and want to put before God before Christmas. It's been one of my most difficult years for quite some time due to home and work circumstances, and this coupled with ordination training has meant there's been times I didn't know how I could continue with the stress and anxiety each part of my life was causing.
Of course those were the times I was trying to do it all on my own, forgetting or neglecting that it's only in God's strength that I can achieve any of it. This is the thing I'm most regretful of because all the times I've failed, got things wrong or been a bit (or lot) horrible has been when I've not remembered who and what my strength comes from.

Room in my heart for thee

Working nights this weekend has made going for a walk a bit difficult so I'm going to concentrate on the prayer, I think there's two separate things going on in it.
Firstly there's the patience, and sometimes Advent feels like one big exercise in patience. We want the light, the joy and the sparkle but Christians have to earn it by taking time to do the second thing- make room in our hearts for Jesus.
With my recent assignment I've spent quite a lot of time contemplating the incarnation and what it means. For me it's a revelation of God's character, which is pure love. God with us, not in the grandeur we read of in the Old Testament - a presence so holy it can't even be looked upon. This God can be held, burped and swaddled. He can no doubt keep his parents up all night too! The same God who created all that is and all that will be is born amongst us helpless and vulnerable. I have more than enough room in my heart for that.

Let your light shine

I've already written about darkness this week - when you have faith, to me, there is no differenciation between light and dark. God is there in both, as is the case when things are good or bad. But the light imagery in the bible is beautiful and also a wonderful way of relating how God works and who Jesus is. It also, as in Matthew 5:16, teaches us about ourselves. In a candle flame, in the white, orange and yellow, we see our potential to be lights shining out by the things we do. All we do should point to God, not because we believe we can earn his love (as we have this no matter what), but because our love and trust in God should lead us to behave in a way that honours him by seeing him reflected in those around us. Our light should help us see others as God sees them, and therefore guide our actions to be as loving as God would wish them to be.

Ripples

I love Christmas films- I'm a sentimental old thing. I love scrooged, Albert Finney's sing-a-long scrooge in A Christmas Carol, Muppet Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, Santa Claus the Movie, White Christmas and so many more, but none so much as It's A Wonderful Life. George Bailey, thinking his life has gone very wrong, is given the opportunity, by Clarence the angel, to see how other people's lives would have turned out without him. Turns out George made a lot of difference to a lot of people.
We probably don't really think about the ripples our life makes in the lives of others. Even though we are trying to live "good" lives we may not notice how our lives affect and touch those of others. I hope to live a life that reveals goodness in the world, reflects God and creates the kind of ripple that matters.

Mmmm....cake

The first blog post I wrote was about cake baking ministry- baking and sharing cake for the sole reason that it brings joy to others. Another 12 hour shift today so I've not been able to bake but we did have some good sharing moments with treats given to us by patients.
The generosity of present and former patients is overwhelming at this time of year as we're inundated by treats- even some really delicious home baking. It often serves as a poignant reminder of the good we do- knowing there are folk that are out there enjoying their lives because of the work our team does is pretty wonderful.

Darkness is not dark to you

"Even the darkness is not dark to you
   the night is as bright as the day
   for darkness is as light to you"
(Psalm 139:12)

When I was very young I was, like many children, scared of the dark. My parents had to go to bed with the landing light on for years. When I became a teenager I liked the dark- I could hide in the dark, it was comforting.
I still find the dark comforting and not scary. Sometimes the darkness makes it easier to focus on God- I close my eyes to pray or listen to someone reading scripture. But in the bible light and dark imagery are used to symbolise good and evil or God and evil. That's why I've chosen the above verse- in the light or in the dark God is always with us.
Despite being "the true light which enlightens everyone" He can be hidden or eclipsed by the bright lights and sparkle of Christmas, or found in the darkest corner. Whether acknowledged or not, He is there.

Time

I would so love to be able to complete today's task, but I'm too busy! It feels like an excuse, but I'm spread so thinly I don't know how I could even begin to think about sparing time.
Today I took the children to school, wrote a 1500 word essay, took part in the work Christmas quiz (ok, that was a lot of fun) and wrote prayers for tomorrow morning's service. That's a pretty normal day!
I've written before about being "time poor" and not feeling like we're giving enough time to certain things or people can result in a lot of guilt. We're just trying our best, and God knows that.

Love came down at Christmas

Pondering what Christmas means to me is quite an interesting undertaking as after getting home late I've just been reading up on "incarnation theology" ready for finishing my Christmas carol assignment tomorrow. Right now, with an academic head on, Christmas means the mystery of the incarnation, of God made flesh. With my nostalgic head on, it means family, children, togetherness, music and feasting, but the reason for all this is Jesus, and the reason why Jesus was born is love. Christmas means love.

Prayer

What would I pray for the world? For patience, for gentleness, for empathy and for resilience.
Amen.

To everything there is a season

Short one tonight.
Thinking about planting bulbs has me reflecting upon Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season,
And a time to every purpose under the heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck
that which is planted;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and time of peace.

Amen.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

How wonderful to have a task centred around carols when that's all I've thought about this week!
We each have our favourite- by husband loves Silent Night, My daughter Ring Christmas Bells and my son We Three Kings. Each have some great words and bits of theology in them. My favourite part of those three is from We Three Kings:
"Glorious now behold Him arise
King and God and sacrifice"
Although from Silent Night:
"With the dawn of redeeming grace" 
is pretty good.
My favourites are Angels From The Realms of Glory and O Come O Come Emmanuel.
I love the joyfulness of Angels but there's good stuff in the words too:
"Ye who sang creations story now proclaim Messiah's birth" reminds me of Jesus' presence at the beginning of creation and
"Watching long in hope and fear" links rather nicely with O Come O Come Emmanuel, which reflects the longing of a people to be restored and redeemed.
Carols are so evocative and we don't always pay attention to the words as they are so familiar, we sometimes sing them without thinking what we're singing. I can't help but be rankled by Once in Royal David's City's:
"Christian children all must be
Mild, obedient, good as he."
What a horrible bit of propaganda!
It's good to re familiarise ourselves with the words, and think "is this what I believe?" If the answer is yes then we can sing up even louder, with confidence and joy.

"Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee o Israel."

Be Doers

I was able to do today's task- which makes me really happy! I had a look in my Christmas craft bag, and with some wooden nativity embellishments, gold paint, luggage tags and red ribbon I've made Christmas decorations. I intend to take them to work tomorrow.
At college this evening we discussed James' letter to the Hebrew church, which is an interesting little book of the bible. James is traditionally believed to be Jesus' brother and as such someone who knew him and his teachings really well.
Far superior theologians than me have argued this through the centuries but James seems to say that faith isn't enough- you need to go out and do stuff. Help people- especially the vulnerable. I'm not going to go into the theology of it all but I believe our faith in Jesus should make us want to go out and do the good stuff. If we're following His teachings and the spirit is within us we should be doers.

Feed the birds

How many interesting new ways can I find to say I failed at today's task? It's been another challenging day and I'm pretty late getting home. I have a 13 page chapter to read tonight so I can concentrate on my assignment tomorrow. So many things in my life are telling me Christmas will soon be here but am I ready to receive it? There's so much competition for my time that I'm trying to deal with things one day at a time, I can't cope any other way.
My assignment is about theology in Christmas carols, which has made me notice a lot of stuff I haven't before. I was never a fan of O Holy Night until I read the words, particularly:
" He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger".
So even in my worst weeks, when I've pushed God aside and am trying to do all this in my own strength, God knows the worst of me as well as my best and he wants me anyway. That's pretty remarkable.

Gift

Today has been a hectic work day with so little time to focus anything outside of what was immediately happening - it's a sort of extreme form of mindfulness! Some days you can't think about what comes next, only what you're doing at that moment. Any thoughts of it being Christmas soon evaporate and it's easy not to include God in my day.
I didn't get chance to look at today's task until really late so sadly no one received an unexpected gift from me. I did give a hug where it was really needed, and time which I didn't have when someone really needed to speak and share. I think that means as much.

Small things

I felt a little cynical when I read today's task. It may not be a work day but there was so much to do that the thought of taking time out to do something I want to do, rather than something I have to do, felt totally unattainable. This made me ponder upon the fact that I'm very rarely doing anything just for the joy of it. I love my life, job, family and friends but there is very little space at the moment to just enjoy life.
Thinking about things that have made me happy recently reminded me that only yesterday I had some quality family time. It was the first Sunday all four of us have been together in church since I started my placement (except for my children's 1st communion last week). We did a bit of shopping and grabbed a sandwich afterwards before returning to church for a carol service. We all curled up together in the evening.
I did do something I wanted to do today- I wrote some Christmas cards! It might not sound like most people's idea of fun but having had no idea when I would fit it in it made me happy to finally do some.
I think I'm pretty good at finding happiness in the small things.

Crying out in the wilderness

Today's task of donating to a food bank gives me a reason to mention something incredibly important which happened recently. My home church has become an additional distribution centre for Stretford food bank, which was set up by volunteers from my placement church. This is incredibly important work, and it's happening because the people who worship in my area have a strong social conscience. I believe this is an integral part of our faith. We are not lone voices crying out in the wilderness, we are a chorus.

As it's the second Sunday of Advent we're also thinking about the prophets. We read in Isaiah to make way for the Lord- to make straight paths. We start by making the path straight to ourselves- dumping all the baggage that separates us from God and therefore makes that path bumpy.

Examine

Short blog tonight- it's been a really busy work today, I've been a grumpy toad and have just finished my sermon for tomorrow. I've sadly not had time to examine a pine cone or Holly leaf as today's task suggests.
When I got up for work this morning the world was frozen, which did give me a moment to muse upon the changing of seasons and how everything does have it's time and place. Since getting home I've been contemplating my grumpiness! Some days are just grumpy days I guess, and I try not to let it show too much. Today it escaped, and for that I was sorry. It's a reminder that I've still got a long way to go!!

Time

In our family, as with so many others, the thing we lack most is time. With working full time, training for the priesthood, two children still in primary school and one curmudgeonly beagle I often feel like I'm pulled in all directions and don't give enough time to any of it.
The people who seem to get the worst end of the deal are the five who love me most- my husband, children and parents. Times when I feel I should be with then I'm often in work or doing homework. If I could give them anything this Christmas it would be more time.
The way my shifts fall this year I will have more time with them Christmas week then I have for many years and I intend to savour each moment as much as I can. I also need to take the time to thank my parents for all they do to ensure my children are in the correct place, clothed and fed when I'm working 12 hour shifts!
I'm so blessed to be so loved but I'm not good at taking time to tell them I feel that way.
Today's task was to think who has been important to you this year and thank them in a Christmas card. I'll be writing my cards this Sunday, but what I need to express far exceeds what I could manage with words.

Balance

The task for today was to clear out a room (or space or cupboard) and give away the things you cleared. Of course I didn't quite achieve this! I did plan how I am going to tidy my dining room and what I'll do the the things currently in it!!
I also made more preserves, apple and rosemary jelly today. This means I've cleared out my jar store and I will be giving away all the preserves I've made as Christmas gifts.
The rest of the day was spent reading in preparation for college tonight where we looked at 1 Corinthians and 2 Corinthians- Interpreting scripture doesn't come easy to me, especially in a classroom environment. Part of what we looked at tonight concerned getting hung up on details rather than concentrating on the bigger picture of God's universal love. We get hung up on the rules, losing sight of what really counts.
I get hung up on the details when it comes to my training rather than the bigger picture of "formation" into (hopefully) a priest. I worry I'm not getting it "right" but then I feel that way about most areas of my life. I want to be the best version of myself, the person God sees I can be, but a big part of that is to do with balance and finding the right balance probably takes a lifetime to learn.

A feast of rich food

Today has been rather lovely. I attended the mid - week eucharist at my placement church, St Matthew's Stretford, this morning and followed that this afternoon by making lots of lovely preserves which I give as Christmas presents. There were more pressing matters- coursework and Sunday's sermon- but I just needed a day for me and for my annual ritual.
One of the readings we had this morning was from Isaiah chapter 25, part of which reads:
"...the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wines, of rich food filled with marrow, of well-aged wines strained clear".
A reminder that God has wonderful things in store for us and wants us to live an abundant life.
The LLLA task for today was thinking back over the year and thanking God for our "best bits". The times I am most thankful for are invariably the shared family times- cuddles, a takeaway, a film- or wine and food shared with friends- cheese, wine and boardgames on my birthday or a summer meal in the garden. It's during these simple times, spent in the company of those I love, that I've felt happiest. I'm thankful for so many other things such as my learning experiences and meaningful connections within my work but home, family, friends and sharing good things, in its simplicity, fills me with joy.

Mini Meltdown

Today it really hit me how unready I am in the practical sense for Christmas, and I'm not faring much better spiritually. Most of my relationship with God at the moment seems to centre around my ordination training which sometimes seems to leave little room for us to simply "be" in relationship together. I need to work hard to prevent this relationship from becoming an academic exercise, to seek a deeper connection and understanding though my assignments and essays.
Another work day today meant not considering my LLLA task until I got home, the task being to set a jar aside to collect loose change though Advent to give to charity. After this I wrote some prayers for tomorrow morning's service. The jar sitting beside me helped to focus my prayers towards who the marginalised are in my town and city and where Jesus might find himself here. So many of us are anticipating what a joy Christmas will be, but for many people this simply isn't the case.

Sacred Space

Today was a work day. A big change between now and when I blogged during Lent is that my work pattern has changed and now a work day means a 12 hour shift. Not much time to consider Advent.
The LLLA action for today is to make a space to think about Advent. This is really hard- there's no space in my house right now, my garden is usually my tranquil place but it's hard to hang out there when it's quite chilly! I use my dining room as office space and have candles and incense in there but it's a work space. Thinking about this today my car is my sacred space. It's about the only place I am every day where I'm alone, can find silence and find prayer easy. I find it easier to think in my car than anywhere else, so that's my special place. It may not be everyone's idea of a sacred space but it works for me.
Finding or making space during Advent, with all its busyness and the directions we're pulled in, is really hard but it's important for me to take time away from that and make space for God, who often gets pushed out.
Working a 12 hour day it can be hard to make space for God but today has been incredibly special. There's been time to stop, to talk and to connect. The day has been punctuated with small spaces.