Christmas Day 2018

John 1, verses 1-14, according to the Street Bible;

Nothing. No light, no time, no substance, no matter – the Voice was there. Before anything moved, mutated or mated, Jesus, God’s Voice, was there with God from the kick off. How come? ‘Cos Jesus, ‘God’s Voice’, is God. Before anything began, they had always been. Before there was even anywhere to be, they were there.

Jesus got the name ‘God’s Voice’ because he just spoke and stuff started. From nothing to everything, sparked only by the Voice. There’s nothing that doesn’t have the phrase ‘made by Jesus’ stamped on it somewhere. His words were life itself, and they lit up people’s lives – his light could blast its way into the dingiest corner, and yet the people who preferred darkness still missed it.

So God sent John Baptiser to raise Jesus’ profile: to lift up the Light. His job spec doesn’t exactly fill a page of A4 – it just reads. ‘Help people take it in and take it on’. Obviously, John’s not the Light: he’s just there to build expectation and commentate when the genuine article makes his entrance and starts lighting things up.

And when he does? Bizarre! No one recognises him! He speaks them into existence, but they don’t recognise him or his voice. He arrives at the front door of his people, and most don’t even peek out of the spyhole to check. The few who take the risk realise who he is, open up and knock a meal together. To these guys he starts doling out adoption papers to sign them up as God’s children. Conceived by human passion? No, by God’s passion!

So God’s Voice gets flesh, blood, skin and bone. He spends time with us; we hang around with him, get to know him, see what he’s like. And? As magnificent, as superb as you’d expect God’s only Son to be…and heaps more! God’s OTT gifts oozing from every pore: everything he does and says rings true.

Sometimes a story is so familiar, so much part of us and our lives and we know it so well, that we don’t really hear it. sometimes we need the story rephrased to make it new, to remember how it felt for it to be new and unfamiliar.

The Street Bible has none of the poetry of John’s gospel but something about it just cuts straight to the heart of the Gospel’s meaning.

Through Advent we’ve been waiting, we’ve been preparing and we’ve been anticipating the birth of Jesus, and now it’s here. The big day. Yet the gospel tells us one thing; he was always here. He’s always been here. Before all things and after all things. He was always in creation, yet not until that tiny baby do we begin to perceive it, to understand it, to fully know it and fully know him.

He always was, but in that outhouse, stable or shed- however you see it- he came physically, he came to be vulnerable and live our frail, yet remarkable, human life. We’ve seen the signposts throughout history and through the scriptures, that this would be the culmination of God’s continuous, creative love.

God sent us the truest reflection of himself, a part of himself, and this reflection was a helpless new-born baby. What does this tell us about our God?

Whilst there’re many things within scripture that are shared with other religions and traditions- such as the creation narrative and great flood narrative- no other tradition has a God who makes them-self this vulnerable. God wanted us to know him, recognise his constant presence in creation, his thirst for justice and equality and this was the way he chose to do it, to live among us- and remember Jesus lived his human life for 30 years before beginning his ministry. 30 years of ordinary, extraordinary human life, and it begins here.

God wanted us to know him and he wanted – wants - to know us. This relationship has always been a two-way thing. The creator of all that is wants a relationship with you- with me- we’re not ordinary and we’re not insignificant because each of us contains a divine spark, the presence of the God is within us. The baby in the manger is the culmination of millions of years of creation, thousands of years of human narrative history and the pinnacle of the love God has tried to communicate to us throughout it all.

As we step back from the enormity of that, we see a family, a new family. A mum, dad and a new baby. A very ordinary story in some ways. We see love and we see relationship. God came to us this way because relationship and connection are all that really matter.

This Christmas, as we contemplate the mystery, the enormity and the overwhelming outpouring of love, let’s remember to connect and reconnect, to build and rebuild relationships, because our God is the reconciling, radical God of relationships. If we take our lead from the one who created us and chose to live amongst us, we see that this is what we created for, and this is God’s will for our lives.

23rd December 2018

This morning's sermon, based upon Luke 1.39-55

In those days Mary set out and went with haste to a Judean town in the hill country,where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the child leapt in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and exclaimed with a loud cry, ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And why has this happened to me, that the mother of my Lord comes to me? For as soon as I heard the sound of your greeting, the child in my womb leapt for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfilment of what was spoken to her by the Lord.’
 And Mary said,
‘My soul magnifies the Lord, 
   and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour,
for he has looked with favour on the lowliness of his servant.
   Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed; 
for the Mighty One has done great things for me,
   and holy is his name. 
His mercy is for those who fear him
   from generation to generation. 
He has shown strength with his arm;
   he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. 
He has brought down the powerful from their thrones,
   and lifted up the lowly; 
he has filled the hungry with good things,
   and sent the rich away empty. 
He has helped his servant Israel,
   in remembrance of his mercy, 
according to the promise he made to our ancestors,
   to Abraham and to his descendants for ever.’

This gospel reading is something is rare and so magnificent that it makes my heart want to burst. Two named female characters are interacting with each in the bible. As a woman, to read this is so affirming and empowering. Only 86 women speak in the whole of the bible, and nearly half of them are unnamed, only 8% of named bible characters are women.

It’s understandable that the bible has come to us in this form, it was formed in a patriarchal society where woman were essentially property and commodities, then we have two thousand years of male-dominated church life.

And two thousand years of this story being interpreted through the male gaze. Now we each interpret things out of who we are and where we are, where we’re standing is our lens into the world but for so long women weren’t in a position to be scholars, teachers and theologians.

This means that so much of our inherited church history, theology and doctrines have come almost solely from a male perspective. This hasn’t always worked out so well for us women. We’ve been taught that our place is second to a man’s; our needs, thoughts and feelings are second.

This can be uncomfortable hearing in our modern, more liberal world but one which I think will resonate with the women of our community.

In tradition this is the story of Mary meek and mild, obedient to God’s will, meeting her cousin Elizabeth, equally obedient, her only longing to be a mother. Two perfect examples of godly, dutiful women. But that’s not the story I see. The story I see is so much better than that.

Elizabeth, the older cousin, has had to endure so much. Her worth in her society has been measured by her ability to bear her husband’s children, and she’s failed. She knows she is more than that, has so much more to give the world, but this is the role carved out for her and she’s been made to feel ashamed by it.

Then, the miracle happens, after so long, and she’s terrified. She knows the odds, the risk to her own life and the child. Her age is very much against her.

Mary is at the opposite end of the scale- a teenager expected to be a virgin for her husband on her wedding day. The whispers have already started, there’s something going on between her and Joseph, looks like the wedding might need to be brought forward if you know what I mean.

I don’t seek Mary as meek and mild but ridiculously strong, she’s probably barely older than my daughter, she knew having a child might cause Joseph to abandon her and she would then have her community shun and shame her as an unwed mother.

The narrative today brings these two strong, faithful women together, Elizabeth overwhelmed at the realisation that her teenage cousin is carrying the messiah. This young girl had the creator of the universe within her. In the orthodox tradition she is the Theotokos, God-barer.

As Mary and Elizabeth embrace each other, their shared bond doesn’t leave them speechless as out of Mary’s lips comes one of the most powerful and enduring songs in all of scripture. She sings of God’s greatness, her own blessedness and of God’s thirst for justice and equality. In this we see why God would choose Mary to guide and parent his son. She knows God, understands God’s character and drive, she gets it in a way that the male priests, scribes and pharisees- those revered by society- never will.

I also want to be clear that these women have agency in their stories. If they had said “no” to God it would have been very different. They knew that they were letting themselves in for some potentially very trouble times. So why did they do it? Because they trusted God, because they saw a bigger picture, and because if God thought they were capable of doing this then just maybe God was right. That had trust and faith.

Women are still far less likely to push ourselves forward for promotions and pay rises, less likely to talk ourselves up, say what we’re good at, less likely to think “I can do that”. Men, statistically are more likely to wing it, take a chance, not sure if they can do something but they’ll give it a go.

The still present gender biases in media, reporting, schools, our very conversations with each other still promote this. We tell a girl she’s pretty instead of smart, we tell a boy to be strong instead of saying it’s ok to feel.

In Marianne Williamson’s magnificat, her celebration of God-breathed humanity she says:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

This is what Elizabeth and Mary do, they shine. They become the women, the people, God knows they can be. And this is what’s asked of each of us. God wants us- needs us- to shine; wherever we are and whoever we are, no matter what our gender. God tells Mary and Elizabeth they’re amazing and they don’t brush it off with modesty, they accept it and they own it. They believe in God and they trust God. And they change the world.

The central Advent narrative that has struck me this year is that God is before all things, after all things and within all things. Each molecule of creation contains a divine spark, and that includes us, a spark that’s just waiting to be acknowledged so it can become a flame, and that flame wants to shine for all to see. So my friends, go and shine, be fabulous, be who God intends you to be in this world.

Amen.

22nd December 2018

It's amazing how quickly the seasonal anxiety can creep back in, despite yesterday's calmness. I worked all day today, still feeling ok, but when I arrived back home I became overwhelmed. The pressure we put on ourselves is crazy.

My aim is to remain focused on the only thing that matters this season. Yes I have a jobs list to work through but I need to remember we're preparing to celebrate, to feast, to share love and friendship and to welcome God again.

Lord, may my deepest good intentions lead to acts of love. Then the grieving I feel right now can be transformed into comfort and rest...Jesus, my friend, You are the highest humility. Give me a great love tonight. As Your birthday nears, give me rich gifts, and listen to me with Your unending compassion.
Umiltà of Faenza

Those who go out weeping, bearing the seed, will come back with shouts of joy,
bearing their sheaves with them
Psalm 126.7

21st December 2018

I started today badly. There was so much I wanted to achieve but I had a four hour commitment to help with a Christmas-themed meditation labyrinth as part of the chaplaincy team. I rushed around taking children to school, making Christmas truffles and then getting myself over to the hospital. As I stood in the lift up to the area we were holding the labyrinth I was worried we were wasting our time and I prayed, very simply, for God to be present and to use this time.

The experience was stunning. We had a steady flow of visitors, staff and patients, who engaged with the labyrinth and other mindfulness activities. As someone stepped onto the labyrinth they were told to do so with intention, the labyrinth is asking us "what do you want me to do for you?" as Jesus asks Bartimaeus.

It took me a couple of hours to fix my mind upon what I wanted from the labyrinth, but it struck me that what I needed was peace and perspective, and that's what I received.

I still get caught up so much in the "I shoulds" of Christmas that I still lose sight of the one thing thst matters and that's love, love divine, love so strong that the divine creator came to live a human life.

Love, I love You because You’re full of joy! You’re a Mother nourishing the kindnesses in us as if we are children at Your breast (and we are). You’re rich beyond anything I can ever imagine. You’re so rich that the soul clothed in You can never be poor. You share Your every gift with us and even give our souls Your beauty because You make us one with You. St. John tells us that God is love, and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
Catherine of Siena.

For my kindred and companions’ sake,
I will pray that peace be with you.
Psalm 122.8

20th December 2018

There is something about simply sitting still, quietly attentive to your breathing, that tends to evoke less agitated, less thought-driven modes of meditative awareness. When this shift . . . embodies a sincere desire for God, a new capacity to realize oneness with God begins to emerge. Resting in this awareness offers the least resistance to God. 
James Finlay

With do few days left before Christmas day it feels like there's very little time for quiet and stillness. I need to finish presents, wrap things, finish sermons, work some shifts...it's a real discpline to remember to make space for God in all that, but if I don't then who am I actually preparing for?

Today I was joyful to have  brunch with friends, thankful that school holidays have arrived and helpless that I can't take stress away from the rest of my household.

I, I am he who comforts you;
Isaiah 51.12

19th December 2018

Crazy busy day, the sort of day where you can beat yourself up about not doing better, being better or achieving more. The sort of day where you focus on the shortcomings rather than the achievements. I have a lot of those days, yet I'm always telling others to be kind to themselves. I think we're often better at giving advice than heeding it, caring for others than self-care.

I will take God’s kind judgment of me any day over my usually harsh judgment of myself. I will take God’s image of me any day, which is always patient and merciful, over my neighbor’s rashly formed image of me. God always sees his son, Jesus, in me, and cannot not love him!
Richard Rohr

Today I felt joyful because it's the time of year when former patients come back looking marvellous with Christmas treats, I felt thankful for our gorgeous new staff- just lovely, and I felt helpless...well see above...at what I didn't achieve.

Look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug. 
Isaiah 51.1

18th December 2018

Just a quick one tonight as it's been a busy one and I'm up at 5am.

Today I felt joyful catching up with friends over lunch, thankful about the direction my sermon (for Sunday) ended up going in and helpless that I won't get enough sleep tonight.

I am a mass of contradictions and yet I am also a saint. I am a very good person, and I am also a sinful person. I get it and yet I oppose it too. Are both of those true? Yes, both are always and forever true, and for some wonderful reason that is what God loves. Faith is to personally surrender to such a mystery—not on a theoretical level, but right inside ourselves on a daily level.
Richard Rohr

Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, beloved, to admonish the idlers, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with all of them. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all.
1 Thessalonians 5.13b-15 

17th December 2018

Today was a day of preparation; sweet treats, Christmas cards and sorting stuff out. Tomorrow I'll write my Christmas sermons and have a festive lunch with my ministry colleagues. 

I'm at the stage where I have no idea what my sermons will be; I never know and it's the most stressful part of being a priest for me. I always feel that nothing will come, that I don't have the gifts for it, but something does always appear, God working through me as through each of us.
God uses us to reach out and make connections. Whoever and wherever we are we all have to ability to connect with others, to share kindness and loveliness.

Today I felt joyful making up a silly gecko song with my son, thankful for some family time and helpless about our government.

The more that we can put together, the more that we can “forgive” and allow, the more we can include and enjoy, the more we tend to be living in the Spirit. The more we need to reject, oppose, deny, exclude and eliminate, the more open we are to negative and destructive voices and to our own worst instincts. As always, Jesus is our model of healing, outreach and reconciliation, the ultimate man of the Spirit.
Richard Rohr

Though I am poor and needy, the Lord cares for me.
Psalm 40.18

16th December 2018

Cardinal Newman said that ‘the Christian is the one who watches for Christ’. The whole liturgical year forms us to be a people with the courage to wait until the Lord comes. Advent trains us in the patience not to begin celebrating too early, resisting the temptation to celebrate Christ’s birth before he comes although the shops are filled with signs saying ‘Merry Christmas’, fighting the impulse to open the presents before Christmas Day.
Timothy Radcliffe

Is that a killjoy attitude? Are we Christians trying to ruin another fun thing? Today felt like a turning point in Advent; last night was my work Christmas do and whilst I was working the night shift we decided we would bring a party to the ward. Then today we had our Christingle services at St Michael's, hearing the Christmas story from the gospels and singing traditional carols. Afterwards my friends joined us for food and we watched Raymond Briggs The Snowman and Father Christmas. It felt Christmassy, like Christmas has arrived. But liturgically it hasn't. We still have to watch and wait.

I find the discipline of the Advent and Lent  seasons incredibly important for my spiritual health, I think we need these times to get back in tune with ourselves and God. And yet the excitement is building, Christmas is palpable we're so close now. It's not just about that one day, for me this slow spiritual preparation gets us ready to fully celebrate the wonder and mystery of the divine presence, present at the dawn and time and within all things, choosing to live our human life, to be here with us, a gift of love and hope and life.

Today I was joyful attending and leading the Christingle services, thankful for my wonderful friends Lins and Si and helpless in my lack of sleep.

Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
Philippians 4.5

14th December 2018

I'm not really going to say anything today. A sad thing happened at work last night and I'm still processing it. It's a stark reminder that as I carefully plan and anticipate how I'll be spending my Christmas there's other folk who can't, those for whom the coming weeks will bring sadness.

Today I'm thankful for so many things and I'm hugging my family tightly.

13th December 2018

I've started a run of night shifts now so the blog will be a bit more random, shorter and certainly less thinky.

I'm going to take a pause from Richard Rohr's reflections to give a mention to another staple of my Advent- the Society of St John the Evangelist (SSJE) who promote the #adventword trend on social media, encouraging people to post photographs on the theme of their daily word. They send daily emails throughout the year with a word of the day and short reflection:

Wait
Everything in creation requires a time of gestation: canyons took millions of years to be formed by rivers of water; the oldest known Sequoia tree is said to have taken 3,266 years to grow; babies are not ready to be delivered at conception. I would say that it is a part of God’s order to wait.
-Br. Jim Woodrum

Today I felt joyful doing my job, I was thankful to be part of an amazing team and I felt helpless at my daughter's upset as we discussed the future of one of our more challenging pets.

May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you. 
1 Thessalonians 3.12

12th December 2018

Christians can sometimes come across as trying to make God very small, trying to confine God and place our own rules and values upon the divine creator. No wonder we can seem very unappealing to some. What is appealing is God's bigness and lack of confinement. God gets exciting when we try to see him as he is, not how we want him to be. God is not in the rules and hidden behind church building walls, God flows through everything.

Today I experienced God in the medical staff looking after my husband as he underwent a minor procedure, in his fellow patients, in the people we interacted with over lunch, in the shop staff we met this afternoon, in my kids, in each other and in an online community I'm part of, many of whom have been hurt by Christianity or those who profess to be part of it.

The presence of God can also be experienced through the love of nature, deep friendship, conjugal love, generous service of others, or the discoveries of genuine science.
Richard Rohr.

I felt joyful today knowing that someone was receiving a long-distance secret-Santa gift from me, I was thankful for my online community and I felt helpless that I start nights tomorrow and haven't achieved all I'd hoped to beforehand.

My soul clings to you; your right hand shall hold me fast.

Psalm 63.9

11th December 2018

Something struck me today about the language we use in Advent in light of the Richard Rohr reflections. We talk about waiting to meet God in the manger, as if we forget that God is in all things and is always with us. The Christ has been present in the whole of creation, but at Christmas became the human, Jesus. It was only through this that we began to truly know the the character of God and begin the fathom God's love for humanity.

God isn't "out there" but always with us and within us. At Christmas the Christ was born in human form but the Christ was always there, it took the person of Jesus for us to recognise that.

Today I was joyful listening to my friends sing in the local community choir Christmas concert, I was thankful for a rest and I felt helpless that they sometimes just isn't enough time or motivation.

Contemplation is not something we do. It is a free gift of the spirit; all we can do is surrender and “let go.” Every excursion into openness is a flooding in of the true self, remembering that the Divine is already within, waiting.
Beverley Lanzetta

My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready;
Psalm 57.8

10th December 2018

Thomas Merton was extraordinary. He died fifty years ago today but his writings revealed a gospel and form of Christianity I could get on board with. There were so many barriers to my coming back to church, so many things I couldn't agree with, but through Merton and those like him I understood that what I perceived Christianity to be wasn't necessarily what it is. This passage of Merton's writing is included in today's Richard Rohr reflection;

Contemplation... is a vivid realization of the fact that life and being in us proceed from an invisible, transcendent and infinitely abundant Source. Contemplation is above all, awareness of the reality of that Source. It knows the Source, obscurely, inexplicably, but with a certitude that goes both beyond reason and beyond simple faith. . . .

At Christmas we get ready to welcome the Source, to be alongside it, to know it lived and breathed among us.

Today I felt joyful telling patients they could go home, thankful I don't have a 5am alarm tomorrow and helpless walking alongside people in emotional pain.

Who told this long ago?
   Who declared it of old?
Isaiah 45.21

9th December 2018

I didn't intend on having the day off blogging yesterday, but it turns out being back at work is hard! This blog is partly about the realities of combining a full time very demanding job with priestly ministry and sometimes there just isn't enough time in the world (I've missed two days mindful colouring as well!)

The subject of Richard Rohr's reflections has changed today to contemplation, a subject which has become more and more important to me over the last eighteen months, but one it's really hard to find time for. Today's reflection opens with this;

We may think of prayer as thoughts or feelings expressed in words. But this is only one expression. . . . Prayer is the opening of mind and heart—our whole being—to God, the Ultimate Mystery, beyond thoughts, words, and emotions. Through grace we open our awareness to God whom we know by faith is within us, closer than breathing, closer than thinking, closer than choosing—closer than consciousness itself.
Thomas Keating

Today I was joyful watching "It's a Wonderful Life" even though I cried six times, I was thankful that life is goid right now and I felt helpless that some of my friends are struggling at the moment.

Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?’
Matthew 11.3

7th December 2018

I've had a pretty chilled Advent so far, off work last week, working from home and in the office this week. Tomorrow all that changes; back to work, back to shifts and I'm worried the stress and anxiety are going to creep back in, even though I feel kind of on top of things- even the tree is up. I need to keep things manageable, take it a day at a time, and remember what the focus of my Advent is.

I'm not sure if the topic of Richard Rohr's reflections will change on Sunday, he can be in equal parts utterly engaging and completely baffling! Here's what struck me from today's:

Loss precedes all renewal; emptiness makes way for every new infilling... but every time you and I hate, fear, compete, attack, judge, separate—thus avoiding the necessary letting go—we are resisting the full flow of Love, the energy which is driving the universe forward.

Today I felt joyful decorating the Christmas tree, thankful for some good financial news and helpless over what I couldn't achieve with my time off.

Let integrity and uprightness preserve me
Psalm 25.20a

6th December 2018

I presided at communion this morning and gave a two minute talk based on last Sunday's readings, Jeremiah 33.14-16 & Luke 21.25-36:

I feel like there’s been some kind of mix-up in today’s readings, Jeramiah is usually so doom-laden, but in amongst it is this moment of beauty. On the flip-side of that there’s Jesus sounding like an old testament prophet- we’re all doomed! And it’s in Luke, who normally brings to mind tales of women, children and sheep. Why do we have this gospel of doom as our first Advent reading?

It’s sounds really chaotic, and that’s sometimes the reality of the world we’re in, we’d need to be living under a rock to not see the world is in flux at the moment, and we don’t know which way things are going to go.

What Jesus is advising his listeners to do is to be prepared, no matter what’s to come if we get ourselves properly ready we can face what’s ahead, and that’s essentially what Advent is, a time of preparation, but it’s also a time of hope. Advent is waiting, preparing and hoping for what’s to come.

Jesus warns that things are going to get a little crazy, but that’s ok because it’s what’s waiting on the other side of it that matters. After the tumult comes liberation; Jesus has shown us in his own story that pain, despair and misery never have the last word.

Through Advent we prepare, we remember, and we retell Jesus’ story as a way to remind ourselves of the hope he brings us, the liberation we find in him and that, as ever, he will deliver us through whatever we’re facing. Last week’s reading from Revelation reminded us that Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, before all things, within all things and after all things. No matter what our experiences, the good and the bad, Jesus is with us before them, during them, and after them.

Through Advent we sing “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”, Emmanuel meaning “God is with us”. The ancient hymn reminds us that Jesus overcomes all the darkness in the world. We travel in Advent towards the light, yet carrying the light with us.

Today I was joyful sharing a dog walk with my husband and hearing about his new job, I was thankful for his new job and I (superficially) felt helpless that my mobile network is down- no data and no Google maps!!

5th December 2018

Today's Richard Rohr reflection is so phenomenal I'm going to share a huge chunk of it:

Outpouring Love

Francis of Assisi understood that the entire circle of life had a Great Lover at the center. For Franciscan John Duns Scotus, before God is the divine Logos (rational pattern), God is Infinite and Absolute Friendship (Trinity), that is, Eternal Outpouring (Love). Love is the very nature of Being itself. God is not a being who occasionally decides to love. God is “the one in whom we live, move, and have our being” (Acts 17:28). God is Being Itself, and by reason of the Trinity, Being operates as Infinite Love, emptying and out-pouring like an eternal water wheel—in one positive direction.

For us, the Trinity must be the absolute beginning point—and ending point, too. Outpouring Love is the inherent shape of the universe, and only when we love do we fully and truthfully exist in this universe and move toward our full purpose. The Christ who comes forth from the Trinity is both the Alpha and the Omega point of all history (Revelation 1:8, 21:6, 22:13). This metaphysical and cosmic statement gives the whole universe meaning, direction, and goal! God’s purposes are social, cosmic, and universal, not just to hold together a small group of so-called insiders.

Love is the very meaning of Creation. Many of the Fathers and Mothers of the Church, along with saints and mystics throughout history, said that God created because, frankly, God needed something to love and something that could love God freely in return. Parents’ fondest desire, perhaps unconsciously, is to love their little ones in every way. Hidden behind that is the hope that someday their children will love them back. The very way we love our children becomes their empowerment to love us.

Franciscan Philippe Yates puts this in cosmic terms:

At the heart of Scotus’ theology was the doctrine of the primacy of Christ. God is absolutely free and therefore if he [sic] creates it is because he wants to create. He wants to create in order to reveal and communicate his goodness and love to another. Because God loves, he wills that his creation should also be infused by love.

Today I was joyful at making my daughter happy, thankful that I could make the work rotas better than they looked yesterday and felt helpless over an untruth I couldn't avoid without causing misery- that's probably a sermon within itself!! (I took my 14year and 11month daughter to see a 15 certificate film...it was pre booked and I didn't notice the rating until we got there).

Revelation 21.3-4a

See, the home of God is among mortals.
He will dwell with them;
they will be his peoples,
and God himself will be with them;
he will wipe every tear from their eyes.

4th December 2018

I'm still getting my head around Richard Rohr's daily reflections upon the nature of the cosmic or universal Christ, of the mixture of Christology and cosmology. I'm trying to figure out how this is preparing me spiritually for Christmas. This is what stood out to me today:

Somehow the universe is an interplay between light and darkness...
...we fell in love with the symbol instead of what Jesus fully represented. To love “Jesus, the Christ” is to love both the symbol and everything that he stands for—which is precisely everything.

Precisely everything. Before all things, after all things, for all things. A creative, divine force, present in all things throughout the whole of time. It's hard to get stressed about Christmas shopping and writing cards whilst contemplating the enormity of that!

Today I was joyful at seeing my friends and fellow curates, I was thankful for the education and training opportunities I've had and I felt helpless drawing up the work rotas that I can't give everyone amazing shifts.

Because you are precious in my sight, and honoured, and I love you.
Isaiah 43.4

3rd December 2018

So you may have gathered from the pictures in the blog that I'm doing a daily colouring. This is to get me engaging in some mindfulness, setting that time aside when I do nothing else. This is a big deal when I usually have every minute filled with something.
I'm in the process, yet again, of trying to remove the clutter from my life, this includes the way I clutter my time. I need to decide what things really matter, both material and immaterial.
I'm also following Richard Rohr's daily reflections, which I dip in and out of most of the time. The current theme is the concept of "the universal Christ", making the distinction between the historical Jesus, the man, and The Christ, word of God, present before all things and in all things; the Christ who sustains the universe (Heb 1.3).
It's all a bit clever for me, but this I can get on board with:
Whenever the material and the spiritual coincide, there is the Christ. Jesus fully accepted that human-divine identity and walked it into history. Henceforth, the Christ “comes again” whenever we are able to see the spiritual and the material coexisting, in any moment, in any event, and in any person.

Today I felt joyful making chutney. Again. I was thankful for the online community I'm part of and I felt helpless over my husband being anxious over starting a new job.

Christ is the radiant light of God’s glory and the perfect copy of God’s nature, sustaining the universe by God’s powerful command.
Hebrews 1:3

2nd December 2018

I love Advent Sunday, it's officially the third best day of the liturgical year after Easter Day and Christmas day. It's the church's new year and as someone of an Anglo-catholic leaning has a Wonderful mix of ritual, mystery and some cracking hymns, chants and anthems. I've been at three services today; parish communion, family praise and the Advent Carol service (very different from a Christmas carol service and the highlight of Advent Sunday). Normally I'd be wiped out but I'm completely energised- anticipating what this Advent will bring, anticipating meeting Christ on Christmas morning, contemplating the enormity of what that means. Christ comes to us again each Christmas, but also daily in the continuing unfolding of creation, present in each moment.

Today I found joy in Advent hymns and liturgy, was thankful for my church family and felt helpless about not being able to help my work colleagues.

And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth.
John 1.14

1st December 2018

It's Advent Sunday tomorrow so that can mean only one thing- daily blogging! 

Even now I'm not entirely sure what my daily pattern will be this Advent but I will carry on last year's ritual of each day writing down something that makes me joyful, something which I'm thankful for and something which l feel helpless about. Whatever your belief system this is a useful way to evaluate and reflect upon your day.

Today I felt joyful making chutney, I'm thankful two members of my family made up after an argument and I felt helpless that as my kids grow up I can't solve their problems any more.

Hopefully by this time tomorrow I'll know what my Advent journey might look like!

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
Isaiah 43.4

What is truth?

Short talk from yesterday's 8am service, bases upon Revelation 1.4b-8 and John 18.33-37

The feast of Christ The King is a relatively new invention, introduced by pope Pius 11th in 1929, it’s adoption into Anglicanism is even more recent. In 1970 the feast was moved from October to the last Sunday of the church year- just before we enter Advent.

In the gospel we see Jesus before Pilate. Pilate was Governor of Judea for ten years; it wasn’t a prestigious appointment so he’s only remembered through his encounter with Jesus. Pilate has a very Roman, very worldly, notion of what power is, of what a King is. All he wants to know is whether Jesus is a threat to his power and the power of the empire. Pilate can’t see past the importance placed on earthly power and authority, he has no interest in Jesus wielding a different kind of power. At the end of this interaction, just after our reading ends, Pilate asks “what is truth?”. The truth is not his concern.

In Pilate and the Roman Empire we see the embodiment of how worldly power is perceived- in money and politics, in wielding control over others, exploiting those who are weaker and on the margins. Jesus tells us he’s not that sort of King. His Kingdom isn’t about its location but its character and at the heart of this is God’s power which comes in truth and love. Jesus’ kingship is characterised by mercy, justice and peace. 

This is the kingdom that we’re called to emulate and build upon, this is the kingdom God wants us to bring to our lives in the here and now.

We haven’t always got that right in the church, our notions of worldly and heavenly power have become muddled, we’ve used the notion of God’s rule to impose our own; religion is at its absolute worst when used as a means of control, and it’s not entirely a thing of the past as we see political groups claiming Christian values both here and in other parts of the world, even if those groups are far from demonstrating those indicators of God’s kingdom; truth, mercy, justice and peace.

The concept of truth has become somewhat muddied in recent times with “fake news” and “alternative facts” becoming buzz words, we’ve become a suspicious society, not knowing what to believe and who and what is truthful.

Our job is always to search for the kingdom of truth, to actively seek it and promote it. This gospel reading is the very model of speaking truth to power. God’s kingdom has no party politics, no notions of individual nations, we’re one people of God’s kingdom. 

‘I am the Alpha and the Omega’, says the Lord God, who is and who was and who is to come. Jesus is before all things and after all things, earthly authority isn’t and never will be the last word. As we enter Advent next week, let’s look for the signs of God’s kingdom of truth in our world.

Remembrance

I don’t know if any of you have seen the film Coco? We watched it at The LOFT last week as a way of engaging with this remembrance season as it looks at memory, remembering loved ones who’ve died and our common memories. We’ve already had the feasts of All Souls and All Saints and of course today is the solemn day set aside to remember all those whose lives have been lost in conflicts the world over.

Coco is the story of a boy named Miguel, who accidentally ends up in the Land of the Dead on The Day of the Dead and must get help from his ancestors to find his way home. We see Miguel’s village both in their homes and at grave sides making offerings and remembering their dead ancestors.

Film critic Clarisse Loughrey writes that "our relationship to the dead is a key theme of Coco. Those who reside within the colourful, bountiful Land of the Dead can do so only as long as there is someone to remember them in the Land of the Living; once that last memory is lost to time, that individual – quite literally – fades into nothingness."

It's incredibly important that we find ways of engaging with every generation about remembrance, that we keep alive the memories of our ancestors and don’t let them fade into nothingness. When I was young the reasons for and outcomes of two devastating world wars were burned into our communal memories and conscious. Alongside “we will remember them” we said “never again”.

We’re seeing a worldwide rise in those with extreme views gaining power and the discrimination of particular minority, ethnic and religious groups. Our communal memories should be reminding us that we’ve been here before.

Remembrance is central to the ritual of church life. Each time we gather here it’s an act of remembrance for the life of the one we’re called to follow. Every communion service has Jesus’ words “do this in remembrance of me”. Our gathering here is a reminder that like the fishermen in today’s gospel we’re called to something else, for someone else. We recognise and remember the importance of God in our lives each day.

Remembering Jesus doesn’t mean we just think about him and hear stories from his life, it means we have a call to act and be different. Our remembering directly affects our actions in the world. Maybe remembrance is always about more than remembering, maybe true remembrance is always about how we’re influenced to act and be because of those memories, because of the experiences of those who’ve gone before us and because we should learn, grow and change because of our shared memories.

It may sound obvious but I think it’s important to remember that today is a memorial of peace, and that we as Christians are the agents of God’s peace. We can’t let these memories fade into nothingness because by keeping them alive we highlight the importance of peace, and hopefully have a better chance of achieving it.

Prayers for Remembrance Sunday 2018
to be used at Llandaf Cathedral and can be used at any Service, including multi-faith services

1
God of all,
here with us now,
loving us always;
sharing our hopes for peace
and our fears for present and future wars
in this one world we share;
hear us as we pledge ourselves in prayer and deed
to be your peace creating people.
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

2
God of time and history;
of present and of future
As we mark a century since the war it was said would end all wars
we turn to you for guidance and support.
Help us, in our human frailty, to be the people you would have us be.
May we respond to human need through loving service,
bursting through the walls of our institutions
to reach out with unconditional love.
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

3
God of grace and mercy,
prompt us daily to acts of kindness,
that even through our lives we may reflect
your love for all humanity.
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

4
God of all compassion,
may we always be alert to the needs of others
and be ready and willing to respond;
to treat all others as we ourselves would wish to be treated.
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

5
God of peace
make us restless until war and conflicts cease
and the long envisaged unity among the nations is made real.
May we honour the millions killed in war by
being your active and committed peace-makers now
in our country, communities and homes.
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

6
God of justice
Together, may we seek to transform
unjust structures within society.
Give us your passion to work
for a world where all are treated equally.
and may live in safety.
Lead us from falsehood to truth, darkness to light, & from death to immortality
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

7
God of rainbow hope
we thank you for our rich diversity.
Together may we be receivers and givers of
the wisdom and faithfulness you gift to us.
For the sake of tomorrow
we pledge our lives in your service today and always.
Kindle your love within us
that we may be your light in the world
and channels of your peace.

Peace in our world
Peace in our hearts
Peace in our homes
The Peace of God
Lest we forget.

Sticks and Stones

Sermon preached on Bible Sunday, 28th October 2018 based upon
Isaiah 55.1-11, 2 Timothy 3.14-4.5 and John 5.36b-end

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”; who was told that as a kid? How many of you actually believe it? We like to pretend that words don’t hurt us but very often words can leave deeper and more permanent wounds than any physical injury. I’m going to come back to this idea but first I’m going to tell you a story, the story of my relationship with the Bible, this being Bible Sunday.

When I was little I went to Sunday school, so I knew a lot of bible stories, especially the ones we like to tell children and we had a Children’s Illustrated Bible that I think was my brothers which I would flick through, sometimes read bits of but mostly look at the pictures. At some point I was given the story of “the baby in the rushes” which I read dozens of times, but like most kids I never actually read the bible.

When I reached high school I realised that most other children didn’t have bible stories inside them like I did, so much learned from the osmosis of being around church at a young age. In that first year we were all given a Gideon New Testament, an easy to read Good News Bible and I read the gospels but not much else. At Uni I saw the film The Prince of Egypt and decided to read Exodus whilst staying at a Christian friend’s house.

In 2002 I started to attend St Michael’s and decided I’d better buy one of those bible things- a big one with the old AND the new bits. I went along to Wesley Owen on Deansgate, when it still existed, and bought a lovely midnight blue New King James bible. I opened it up and didn’t understand a word of it.

By this point I was getting quite serious about this Christianity business and WANTED to read and understand scripture, so I headed back to Wesley Owen and picked up a more modern translation, the “New Living Translation”, after someone I spoke to was sniffy about the Good News bible. This bible was great- I understood it! Sort of. I also picked up a copy of The Message and The Street Bible. I’m a simple girl.

Later on I was told the NLT was a bad translation as it had been translated by a group of people with a particular theological leaning so I should get myself a New Revised Standard Version which is the translation we use here. I spent 10 years of my adult life utterly confused about WHICH bible I should be reading whilst trying to get my head around what it actually MEANS at the same time. Its amazing I ever ended up in this pulpit at all.

Surely the bible is the bible?? And of course there was that other bombshell; it’s not a book but a library. Super.

You’ll be pleased to know that shaky start did lead me to developing a much deeper love and understanding of scripture. But what is the bible, and how should we read, use and understand it? Is it even relevant is this modern world? If we’re lucky we might be finished by this time next week!

Let’s start with the basics, and at its most basic the Bible is a collection of ancient poems, letters and stories. Who wrote it? A whole bunch of people. Most of the older parts began as the stories of the Hebrew people, retold from generation to generation, until someone thought “hey, let’s write this all down”, can you imagine how different those early stories of creation, exodos, and the patriarchs were before being retold and retold, each retelling altering a word here or there, before they were set into a more constant form when written down?

Even the newer bits of the bible have origins shrouded in mystery, we don’t really know about their authors but a lot of mythology surrounding them makes us think we do- and what of the bits that weren’t included? The biblical canon we know was pretty much established in the 5th century but loads of other stuff could have ended up included or excluded.

What purpose does the bible have today? There is so much that is wonderful and beautiful about scripture. You may have the belief that The Bible is the inerrant spirit-breathed Word of God, and we say that after our readings don’t we? “This is the word of the Lord”.  I believe it to be inspired by divinity but very much have its place in humanity. The bible, for me, is all about what it means to be human.

Rob Bell in his recent book, “What is The Bible” says the bible is this; “a library of books dealing with loss and anger and transcendence and worry and empire and money and fear and stress and joy and doubt and grace and healing”. These things are the human experience, and all contained within these pages.

It’s about how we relate our human experience to the divine being who created us, it’s where we search for purpose and meaning in the complex mess of everyday life.

But the words of the bible have also been used to harm, to wound, to supress and to oppress. Words have power and words can hurt, especially when those wielding them as weapons have the certainty of their interpretation of God’s will. Slavery, subjugation of women, colonisation, war, persecution of the LGBT community. In some countries the words of the bible are still used to punish and even put to death thieves, adulterers and LGBT people. Words can indeed hurt us.

Recently I read Vicky Beeching’s book “Undivided” about her life spent supressing her sexuality and the ongoing damage done to her psychologically and physically by growing up within a form of evangelical Christianity which was obsessed with sexual sin and in particular homosexuality.

We all have parts of scripture which speak to our very souls of what our experiences of being human are, and those parts which cause us discomfort or are more obviously of a particular time or context. I find it mind-blowing that we can focus so much of the churches time and debate on the relatively tiny passages on sexuality whilst ignoring the constantly recurring themes of social justice, community, wealth distribution and caring for those in need.

St Paul tells us “All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness”. Do we believe this? Is it an all or nothing deal? A more accurate translation of inspired by God is God-breathed. All scripture is God-breathed. The Greek word here for breathed can also mean spirit. The scriptures are spirit-filled, but so are we and we aren’t inerrant.

The only lens I have for interpreting the bible is Jesus. Does it fit with Jesus’ teaching or not? If it doesn’t there’s probably something else going on there. Jesus is how we know God’s character and is the truest reflection of The divine we can ever know.

I want to leave you with two questions from Rob Bell’s book, which I really recommend, for your ongoing adventures and struggles with the bible. When reading a passage ask yourself; firstly, why did someone write this down in the first place? And secondly, why did this passage endure?

Very often the answer to the second question is “it speaks to our human experience.” If, as Jesus accuses his listeners we “search the scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life” then we are missing so much. The bible at it’s very heart signposts how we live in the here and now, what an amazing gift our human lives are, and how best we can use this grace-filled gift.

Loss anger transcendence worry empire money fear stress joy doubt grace healing. The Bible speaks to us across the centuries, it’s a central to our struggle to know where we fit and who we are. The bible is a collection of ancient poems, letters and stories but most of all its our story, each and ever one of us. It didn’t matter which Bible I was reading all those years ago, it just mattered that I was reading it, grappling with it and eventually falling in love with it.

Living in the here and now

Short homiley from the 8am service on 21st October 2018, based up the readings for St Luke's day; Isaiah 35.3-6 , 2 Timothy 4.5-17 and Luke 10.1-9

There’s a very strong tradition here at St Michael’s of celebrating the Feast of St Luke with a service of Wholeness and Healing, and that’s what we’ll be doing later this morning. St Luke in tradition was a physician and we just heard the words from Luke’s gospel where Jesus commissions the disciples to cure the sick they find on their travels.

I wonder how many of you, like me, are people who look to  the future? Not in a healthy way but in a “things will be better when…” sort of a way, or an “if only…” sort of way.

I often forget to live in the here and now, especially when things are difficult or stressful, I want to look ahead to the good things which are coming, the time when things will be better, when I’ll be a better person.

In a more serious way I see this with my patients, they need the hope of looking forward, of hoping they’ll be healed of their cancer, of regaining their strength and living that abundant life we’re promised. For them it often feels like someone has hit the pause button.

How do we live in the here and now when right now we’re hurting or broken? How do we make sense of it when the healing we long for seems so far away?

We see the vision in Isaiah of how things could be, what sounds like a vision of a healed world, but the reality we know is very different.

My marriage sermons usually include the line that life isn’t perfect because perfection is an illusion, and our idea of what our perfect, healed and whole lives will be are also just an illusion.

We live in the here and now, God is with us in the here and now, whatever that may look like. We’ve been made imperfect and God loves our imperfect selves and extends forgiveness and grace to us just as we are. Healing and wholeness come when we let God in, when we accept ourselves the way God accepts us.

Whatever and however we find ourselves God has called us now, as we are, not how we will be or should be. Like the disciples we’re also commissioned and sent out and we have Isaiah’s vision in our hearts, to proclaim with our lives “be strong, do not fear”, to signpost for those we journey alongside “here is your God”. We’re sent to open people’s eyes and ears to God, to give them a glimpse of that joy, to be agents of healing for others in our communities; we each have this ability.

God uses us no matter what our condition, state of wellness, what baggage we bring…all that matters is that we trust God and the path God sets out for us, knowing we each have a commission, a purpose, and a ministry.

At the service later today we’ll offer special prayers and anointing. I see anointing as marking something special occurring, that could be the start of something or the end of something, it may bring comfort to the sick or dying or be a symbol of consecration.

I invite you, only if you wish, after you’ve received communion or a blessing today to stay standing if you wish to be anointed, as a symbol that you are chosen and loved by the creator of all things. You are special and part of God’s purpose.

It's My Job to Love

Evensong sermon from July 1st, based upon Romans 13.1-10

If you’ve been hearing any Stateside news over the past few weeks, I’m sure you’ll be aware of the controversy over the enforcing of a policy to separate parents and children during immigration investigations of those seeking asylum. 

If you’ve seen any photos of the facilities and circumstances some of these children have been kept in, it’s difficult to imagine any justification for it, let alone justifications being made based on Christian belief and scripture. 

US attorney general Jeff Sessions quoted a line from the Romans passage we’ve heard this evening.

He said: "I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained them for the purpose of order."

In using this line he’s making a statement so broad that it could be used to justify anything a government does, whether ethical and moral or not. 

Sessions is a member of the United Methodist Church and his use of scripture in this way has actually led more than 600 members of the church in the US to register formal complaints against him, for violating the UMC’s Book of Discipline, its code of laws and social principles. The charges could lead to a church trial, though that’s unlikely.

The problem we have here is the transposing of one sentence of scripture, written in about 55AD, written to a completely different people in a completely different context, and trying to make that fit this situation. Sessions ignored what comes right before this passage;

"If your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." 

And he ignores what comes at the end of this evening’s passage:

“Love your neighbour as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbour; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.”

So given it’s context what do we think Paul meant when he wrote Romans 13? And can this modern situation be filtered through it? 

It appears Paul is telling the church in Rome to tow the line with the authorities, yet we know Paul himself was jailed multiple times. Was Paul concerned his letter might be read and trying to protect the church? Maybe the entire section is advising the Roman Christians to keep their heads down and out of trouble to protect them.

There’s also an echo of Jesus’ words in Mark 12: “Give to the emperor the things that are the emperor’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”

Unlike it’s recent use we can’t take this sentence or even the passage from this evening in isolation. So much of the letter to the Romans spends time discussing how the Jews, Christian Jews and Roman Christians should live together. The Jewish people were exiled from Rome under emperor Claudius and were now returning after his death, Paul was encouraging the Romans to accept them, to live alongside them and emphasising the ways in which they were similar. This reading of Romans is the antitheses of Jeff Sessions use of the scripture, with an agenda to divide and separate and to emphasise difference.

You may feel that my reading of scripture supports my own agenda, which I guess it does, but I'd like to think that my agenda is one of love: 

“Love does no wrong to a neighbour; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.” If I’m to be judged, I’d prefer the charge to be that I was too inclusive, too loving, than of using a faith-based belief to separate families, exclude and judge. 

I have a lot of issues with Billy Graham but there’s a quote of his I’ve heard half a dozen times in the last fortnight:

“It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love.”

It’s our job to love. If the way we use our bible, our holy scriptures, goes in any way against Jesus’ core teaching of Loving God and our neighbour as our self, then we’re doing it wrong.