Sunday, 31 December 2017

On the seventh day of Christmas...rest in the manger

On Boxing Day one of my colleagues made the mistake of saying Christmas was over- it certainly is not!! I didn't spend Advent in (sort of) prayerful preparation to let it all be done in one day. I'm not ready to leave the manger yet. As my church colleague Vaughan preached this morning, that manger is the calm eye of the storm on either side of Christmas, and I plan to rest there for twelve days.

The following reflection is an amalgamation of the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day entries from Bishop Stephen Cottrell's book "Do Nothing... Christmas is Coming: An Advent Calendar with a Difference".

“So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody’s having fun; look to the future now it’s only just begun.”

So sang Slade all those years ago (and in every shop in England for the past six weeks!), but here’s the nub, the real clue to the future: Mary listened to angels and found things born in her; travelled great distances and found things given to her; Joseph listened to dreams and found reality; the shepherds left their work and found their joy; and wise men abandoned the wisdom, charts, maps, compasses and guidebooks that they already possessed to follow a new star that was rising before them.

In order to listen and in order to dream; in order to smile with joy and in order to travel vast distances; in order to learn new ways and trust new leaders; you first need to stop, to take stock of what you really want from life and where you will really find the direction, affirmation and purposes you seek. It is the longest journey you will ever make. It requires a complete reorientation. It is also the shortest – its beginning and end can be found in the stable at Bethlehem, a way in a manger.

One of my best Christmas memories is from the church in Chichester where I was the parish priest. Because the building was so small, and because every other available inch of space was needed for chairs, we used to put the crib underneath the altar.
One Christmas morning, about halfway through the service, a little girl, Miriam, toddled up to the front of the church. She can only have been about two or three at the time. For several minutes she stood before the crib, gazing intently at the figures. Then, very carefully, so as not to wake the baby, she stepped inside and sat down.

And as people looked at the crib that Christmas, as well as the shepherds and the angels and the ox and the ass, and Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus, they saw Miriam. She sat there for the rest of the service, content to have become part of the story. She was the best Christmas sermon I have ever experienced

Saturday, 30 December 2017

On the sixth day of Christmas...if

Unfortunately I can't find a recording of this to share with you, it's a fairly new John Bell hymn which I first sang at St Peter's House church community based in the chaplaincy of Manchester University. I was on placement there during my ordination training. John Bell and the Iona community are very special, the island itself kept creeping into my life, even before I had a faith, and we visited for the first time as a family this year. The Celtic traditions linking ourselves and our worship to the natural world is something which resonates deeply with me and I usually wear a celtic trinity symbol rather than a cross, the interwoven knots a reminder of all things being joined in relationship. The trinity above all else is about relationship.

If my name was Mary
(just sixteen with a child)
forced to flee my country
(failing state turning wild)
would you find a place for me?

If the town I came from
once had been occupied
by your nation’s soldiers
at whose hands my dad died,
would you find a place for me?

If your nation’s air force
dropped their bombs on my street
on the wrong presumption
that was where rebels meet,
would you find a place for me?

If I’d  learned your country
saw and heard of our plight
but remained persuaded
we were wrong, you were right,
would you find a place for me?

If the boat I paid for
was unfit to set sail
and if seeking refuge
was now certain to fail,
would you find a place for me?

If my name was Mary
(just sixteen with a child);
if his name was Jesus…

Words: John L. Bell, copyright (c) 2015 WGRG, c/o Iona Community, Glasgow, Scotland. www.wildgoose.scot

On the fifth day of Christmas...dwell in it

Sheri Ellwood's prayer for the Christmas season, originally found here:

I have heard it said that people of Christian faith should be more about Easter and less about Christmas. Easter is a powerful hope but it deals with things beyond this life.  It is a sure and certain hope but one that eludes my imagination, confounds my concrete mind.

The crucifixion is something I can wrap my mind around. We have only to open our eyes and our hearts to the realities of the world and we recognize the darkness of Good Friday. When the season is upon us I will dwell with great gratitude at the foot of the cross. 

But, Lord God, I want to stay for a while in Christmas where hope is something I can cradle to my chest. I want to dwell here where music sings the promise of love, reminding me of those Mary moments in my life when it seems truth and love are about to burst forth from within and change the world. 

Let me hearken to Mary’s song and hear it as a radical claim awakening me for the sake of revolution, to grab hold of the Kingdom of God already present amongst us.

Let me look into the face of the clearest revelation of your love and let him transform me so that when the “Slaughter of the Innocents” comes again upon this world I will stand up and say, “NO MORE.”

Let me dwell here in the incarnation of your love and let it change me so that materialism and consumerism are a distant clamor that has no claim on me.

Lord God, let me dwell here in Christmas for a while. I know I am impatient but you understand how this holiday touches us. Some call it sentimentality but you cradled each of us as you breathed forth the breath of life. You know the power of that tender love. It is life changing, not mere sentiment.

So, let me draw out this Christmas season for a time and savor the message of love herein. Then let me live that love with generosity and courage.

This I ask in the name of your son who is your love in human flesh, Jesus the Christ.

Amen

Friday, 29 December 2017

On the fourth day of Christmas...watch the shadows bend

I'm a little behind on the blog as my phone died at work last night, a timely reminder after reflecting on my technology addiction earlier in the day!
I'm going to share another song today, by a lovely chap called Bryan Odeen. We're members of the same online community and he sometimes shares his music with us. I love Bryan's music, it  has an undercurrent of theology which feels very much like my own; open hearted, inclusive and hopeful.
This song is called "Bring the Light" and for me is a message of how, despite our own darkness and vulnerabilities,  we can still be a light for others.
You can listen to it here

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

On the third day of Christmas...Amazing Peace

Amazing Peace,
a Christmas poem
by Dr. Maya Angelou

Thunder rumbles in the mountain passes
And lightning rattles the eaves of our houses.
Flood waters await us in our avenues.

Snow falls upon snow, falls upon snow to avalanche
Over unprotected villages.
The sky slips low and grey and threatening.

We question ourselves.
What have we done to so affront nature?
We worry God.
Are you there? Are you there really?
Does the covenant you made with us still hold?

Into this climate of fear and apprehension, Christmas enters,
Streaming lights of joy, ringing bells of hope
And singing carols of forgiveness high up in the bright air.
The world is encouraged to come away from rancor,
Come the way of friendship.

It is the Glad Season.
Thunder ebbs to silence and lightning sleeps quietly in the corner.
Flood waters recede into memory.
Snow becomes a yielding cushion to aid us
As we make our way to higher ground.

Hope is born again in the faces of children
It rides on the shoulders of our aged as they walk into their sunsets.
Hope spreads around the earth. Brightening all things,
Even hate which crouches breeding in dark corridors.

In our joy, we think we hear a whisper.
At first it is too soft. Then only half heard.
We listen carefully as it gathers strength.
We hear a sweetness.
The word is Peace.
It is loud now. It is louder.
Louder than the explosion of bombs.

We tremble at the sound. We are thrilled by its presence.
It is what we have hungered for.
Not just the absence of war. But, true Peace.
A harmony of spirit, a comfort of courtesies.
Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.

We clap hands and welcome the Peace of Christmas.
We beckon this good season to wait a while with us.
We, Baptist and Buddhist, Methodist and Muslim, say come.
Peace.
Come and fill us and our world with your majesty.
We, the Jew and the Jainist, the Catholic and the Confucian,
Implore you, to stay a while with us.
So we may learn by your shimmering light
How to look beyond complexion and see community.

It is Christmas time, a halting of hate time.

On this platform of peace, we can create a language
To translate ourselves to ourselves and to each other.

At this Holy Instant, we celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ
Into the great religions of the world.
We jubilate the precious advent of trust.
We shout with glorious tongues at the coming of hope.
All the earth's tribes loosen their voices
To celebrate the promise of Peace.

We, Angels and Mortal's, Believers and Non-Believers,
Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at our world and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at each other, then into ourselves
And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation.

Peace, My Brother.
Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul.

Tuesday, 26 December 2017

On the second day of Christmas...Peace on earth, can it be?

As well as being a sucker for a Christmas films I love Christmas music, both sacred and secular. For me the ultimate blending of the two is Bing and Bowie- two of my heroes. You can watch it here:

Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

There's a wonderful hope and innocence to it and with those two iconic voices it creates Christmas magic.
It's a prayer for peace, goodwill, a fulfilment of God's promises and a wish for our children to have hope for the future. There's also the sense of having nothing but ourselves to offer up to God.

I have so much Christmas music and so many playlists that I narrowed my faves to a "best Christmas" playlist- REALLY offering myself up to be judged by sharing this!

I got very shirty with anyone today who tried to claim Christmas was over- just day two folks!!

Monday, 25 December 2017

On the first day of Christmas...There's room for everyone on the nice list!

For the twelve days of Christmas I'll continue to blog (yes, my more Catholic friends, I know Christmas continues until Candlemas) but I'll try and do something a bit different each day.

This is my sermon from this morning's all age service, it started life as a very short homily for a carol service, revamped and extended for today.

What’s your favourite Christmas film? Is it an old black and white classic like “It’s a wonderful Life?” Or maybe a timeless classic we all know, retold again and again, like “A Christmas Carol” (I like the Muppets version the best) or is it a more modern feel-good family comedy like “Elf”?

We all have our favourite- maybe even a few- and we might even have traditions that go with watching them- there’s an advert isn’t there with a mum and daughter watching A Sound of Music together over the years? I couldn’t tell you what it’s advertising, but I did get a lump in my throat as the little girl grows up and watches the film with her own daughter.

Maybe your special film is a full family event, snuggled up in onesies with hot chocolate or mulled wine for the grown-ups; there might be bits where you interact with the film, singing along or quoting parts of the film together out loud. Whichever film is our favourite – and we might have several – Christmas films undoubtedly have one thing in common: their stories or plots are almost always redemption stories, of one sort or another:

In “It’s a Wonderful Life" George Bailey, feeling he’s let everyone down and seriously thinking about ending his life on Christmas Eve, gets to see, thanks to Clarence the angel, how much worse off people would have been without him. He goes back to his family a changed man, ready to face the troubles ahead, and is rewarded with unthinkable kindness…and of course Clarence gets his wings.

As any of our younger church members studying it for GCSE will know, “A Christmas Carol” shows Ebenezer Scrooge’s transformation from lonely, unloved miser to the beating heart of his community. He’s shown his past, how it’s made him the man he is and what the direct consequences of his actions mean in the present day and in the future. His redemption leads to a very different future filled with love, hope and life, benefitting everyone around him.

Now who loves “Elf”? In this film we see how Buddy the Elf’s dad, Walter, a modern-day Scrooge, has his heart transformed through his relationship with Buddy. He begins to embrace Christmas and is able to have a loving relationship with both his sons.

These are definitely the type of story we want from a good Christmas film – the feel-good factor. These stories of redemption and hope reflect what’s at the heart of the Christmas story itself, although rather than being the story of one person’s redemption, Christmas is the the story of everyone’s redemption and it happens through love- at Christmas God so loved the world that he sent his only son- we all know those words, in our films it’s love of family, friends or community- something provokes and stirs the hearts of our characters.

George, Ebenezer and Walter, don’t redeem themselves; each of them needs a catalyst or a spark, usually driven by an experience of love, to help them realise the error of their ways and put them on the right path to redemption.

There’s a less well-known Christmas Carol, although I’m sure many of us will know it, the words go this this:

Love came down at Christmas
Love, a lovely love divine
Love was born at Christmas
Stars and angels gave the sign
Love will be our token

Love be yours, and love be mine
Love from God to all of us
Love for plea and gift a sign

It’s love that provokes the change in our film characters, love which is central to the message of Christmas, and love that caused the divine, God himself, to enter our earthly lives as a tiny helpless baby, the catalyst or spark that can cause that outpouring of love in each of us.

The baby in the manger reminds us there are infinite possibilities available to us, and we celebrate that in this whole season of good cheer, gift-giving, and community. For us here this is all about our life as a community, a bunch of people coming together to worship God and to share his love with the world. Christmas gives us the chance to connect with the wider community in Flixton, to raise that spark of something within them, as it did with me when I first walked through those doors for the Nine Lessons and Carols service 16 years ago.

Just the fact that on that evening I was hiding in a side pew, and now I’m stood here is proof that with God’s love anything really is possible!

The magic of Christmas and of course the Christmas films we love, is a taste of what’s possible if we humans could sort ourselves out and really love each other. Jesus as a helpless vulnerable baby symbolizes new life and the potential we all have to be dedicated to a love of “the other” – the things and people so dramatically different from ourselves and our experiences that we don’t always understand them.

As so much of our Christmas celebrations here at St Michaels and how we connect with people at Christmas is to do with singing, like our Christingle services or carolling in the Church Inn, I was reminded of something in Elf which I think reflects the love at the heart of Christmas: The Elf Code, which goes as follows:

1.Treat Every Day Like Christmas. Every day is a day of endless possibilities, a chance to spread love, to give hope and show that really, we humans aren’t so bad. If we can remember each day the gift God has given us, hopefully it’ll inspire us to open our hearts fully each day.

2.There's Room for Everyone on the Nice List. No-one is beyond redemption, this is the whole reason why God came to us to live amongst us. The whole reason for our Christmas celebrations. Everyone has the potential to have their hearts touched by God’s love.

3.The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer is Singing Loud for All to Hear. 

Sunday, 24 December 2017

The 24th

Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, our science, our religion.

Ralph Sockman

It's 01:10 am and I've just returned from midnight mass. The house is silent, apart from a dripping I can hear from the bathroom. I can hear the wind picking up outside. All is calm. I'm sipping mulled wine and feel completely content. In 6 hours and 20 minutes the kids alarms will go off and another day of crazy will begin; we'll share presents, go to church and then I'll go to work.
Before that, before another day - Christmas Day - before celebrating with those I love, worshipping with my church family and working alongside my amazing colleagues...before that there is this moment of contentment. This moment of knowing I am loved, that the divine is entwined with our seemingly ordinary lives. In this contentment I am resting in God's love. All is calm. All is bright.

Today I felt joy is seeing a full church singing of God's love and love; I was thankful for my faith and I felt helpless that Christmas will be over way too soon.

Scripture
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
John 1:1-5

Saturday, 23 December 2017

The 23rd

Be ready. Be present to God in the here and now, the ordinary, the interruptions. Being fully present to the soul of all things will allow you to say, “This is good. This is enough. In fact, this is all I need.” 

Richard Rohr

Today was my last day off from the hospital before Christmas. The next three days will be an interweaving of nursing, priestly ministry and hospitality. It's my first Christmas as a priest and the first time I can remember working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.
I have to remember that I am enough, that I can only give so much and that Jesus will find me just as I am, and I will always be enough for him. Whatever expectations we have of ourselves or perceive others have of us at Christmas, we are always enough for God.

Today I found joy in Christingle making, was thankful for the army of Christingle assemblers and felt helpless as time runs out.

Scripture
The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
Psalm 121:5-6

Friday, 22 December 2017

The 22nd

One of the names Jesus is given at his birth is Emmanuel. It means ‘God with us’. The Christmas story is about God revealed in a person, living among us, and known through relationship. Just like all human relationships, this one with God requires honesty and trust. What we need to do now is give it a go...

 ...The human heart is made for community with God. All the joyful, creative things that thrill the human heart – music and dance and football and poetry, walking in the Pennines, or cross stitching a tapestry – are echoes of the joyful, creative God whose overflowing love created it all in the first place and who made us creative. Whenever our heart misses a beat, either in joy or sorrow, we are in touch with the God who is always on the lookout for his beloved – that is us.

Stephen Cottrell

Today I found joy in my husband being silly, was thankful for the NHS and felt helpless when my daughter had an allergic reaction.

Scripture
And he said to them, "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
Luke 12:15

Thursday, 21 December 2017

The 21st

Listen to your life.
See it for the fathomless mystery that it is.
In the boredom and pain of it
no less than in the excitement and gladness:
touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it
because in the last analysis all moments are key moments,
and life itself is grace.

Frederick Buechner

We love Christmas because it's extra-ordinary, a sparkle of light and hope in the darker months, a celebration of joy and hope when things in real life are often so bleak or mundane. Our real, every day, ordinary lives are beautiful too, which is easy to forget and not see. Part of my theology is to see and notice how beautiful and remarkable daily life is, some people call this mindfulness. The daily activity of looking for a joyful moment, something to be thankful for and admitting something we felt helpless about is part of this.

Today I found joy in brunching with old friends, I was thankful for the start of the school holidays and I felt helpless over household repairs we never have time for.

Scripture
The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness – on them light has shined.
Isaiah 9:2

Wednesday, 20 December 2017

The 20th

Take Action

If our faith does not lead us to action, then it has become a dead creedal affirmation of lifeless beliefs. Some of us are already giving of our time, talent and treasure to the limits of our ability; others, maybe not. In either case, Jesus has given us all that is good in life; even love that makes it possible for us to love others.

Br. Robert L'Esperance

Too often Christians are thought of, to those outside the faith (and sometimes inside too), as people who reject, deny and condemn things, people and practices. If I thought that was what I was signing up for I would have run a mile! The faith I found was one of connection, justice, love and action. This is the faith the world should see in action throughout Advent. This is what we should be known for. Jesus was clear; we should be recognised as belonging to him by how we love.

Today I found joy in Sparkle Wednesday! I was thankful for my lovely student nurse and I felt helpless at how much I want to achieve before Christmas Day.

Scripture

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

Tuesday, 19 December 2017

The 19th

Go peaceful
in gentleness
through the violence of these days.
Give freely.
Show tenderness
in all your ways.

Through darkness,
in troubled times
let holiness be your aim.
Seek wisdom.
Let faithfulness
burn like a flame.

God speed you!
God lead you,
and keep you wrapped around His heart!
May you be known by love.

Be righteous.
Speak truthfully
in a world of greed and lies.
Show kindness.
See everyone
through heaven’s eyes.

God hold you,
enfold you,
and keep you wrapped around His heart.
May you be known by love.

Paul Field

Kindness, compassion and gentleness; I can't think of three more attractive qualities in the people I enjoy to spend time with. We can never have enough of these things. What greater reputation could we have than to be known by love? Let Christmas ignite our compassion, our hospitality. Open our hearts and doors.

Today I found joy in my job, was thankful for my bed and felt helpless over the future of the NHS.

Scripture

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Monday, 18 December 2017

The 18th

I will not die an unlived life,
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise…

Dawna Markova

What good is it that Christ was born in a stable in Bethlehem over 2,000 years ago if he is not also born in me? How is Christ to be born in me? You have only to be, like Mary, quiet, open-hearted and receptive to the Spirit at work within you. Say with her, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.”

Br. David Vryhof

I pray that I can live a fearless life, because I know that I don't.
I pray to be receptive and open to the spirit, willing to follow It's lead. I pray I can do this without fear.
I'm a bit of a control freak so letting God take control is scary. I'm telling myself tjis week that it doesn't matter what I have and haven't done to prepare for Christmas; it'll happen either way and God will still be born amongst us.

Today I found joy in Star Wars, I was thankful for my parents and I felt hopeless about my preparations being on hold for the next 2 days whilst I'm in work

The 17th

We live in networks: either virtual communities like MySpace or Facebook, or television communities like Emmerdale and EastEnders. Sometimes they seem more real than the actual communities we inhabit. And along with sport, another way we get our sense of belonging today, they provide the common experiences that we talk about most. But we don’t necessarily know much about each other.
Indeed, the local church is one of the few places left where people of all shapes and sizes, ages and races (Spurs and Arsenal fans meeting in harmony!) gather together regularly. Shepherds and kings were invited to the stables at Bethlehem. Regardless of rank, race, class or caste you are invited today.

Stephen Cottrell

Yesterday evening was our annual Nine Lessons and Carols service at St Michaels, a beautiful service which intertwines the biblical story of man's relationship with God, prophecy alluding to the messiah and retelling the Christmas story with some cracking carols and beautiful choral pieces.

This was the first service I attended 16 years ago, my first taste of that church community. I can remember loving the hymns but being really uncomfortable with the Old Testament readings. My problem was I had no concept of scripture as allegory and poetry, of it being the story of God's relationship with a community rather than a presumed history.

We'll never know the true circumstances of Jesus' birth but to me the details are unimportant, what matters is incarnation, Jesus presence and action within that community; that's what we should be in our communities- present and active.

Today I found joy in our church community, I was thankful for a day off (from nursing- not vicaring!) and felt helpless about the folks who are struggling through the festive season.

Scripture

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but do not have works? Can faith save you? If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill’, and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that? So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.

James 2:14-17

Saturday, 16 December 2017

The 16th

We must realize that when basic needs have been met, human development is primarily about being more, not having more.
The Earth Charter, Preamble

I think I might give up everything I have if it would allow me to become the best version of myself, to have a deep and sustainable sense of shalom.
When we hope for peace on earth I think what we really want is peace within ourselves, because if we are ourselves at peace I believe the need to fight and to acquire - people, land, possessions, would disappear.

Today I found joy in my children squabbling over making mug cakes, I was thankful for an event free day and I felt helpless over, as ever, running out of time.

Scripture

Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:5-6 

Friday, 15 December 2017

The 15th

Be open to the night…

Pray with open hand, not with clenched fist…

Shapes loom out of the darkness, uncertain and unclear: but the hooded stranger on horseback emerging from the mist need not be assumed to be the bearer of ill…

The night is large and full of wonders…

Lord Dunsany

This is one of my favourite Northumbria Community meditations. The night is large and full of wonders- who knows what amazing thing is out there, unseen by us, waiting to be revealed If only we would be more open to it. It's in our nature to be afraid of the unseen and unknown, but this reminds us that not all those unseen things are bad.
We like our traditions when it comes to Christmas, we like the comfort of the familiar. Who knows what we might experience if we're more open to different experiences, traditions and cultures this year?

Today I found joy in wrapping Christmas presents, I was thankful for offers of oranges to make Christingles and I felt helpless about the relationship between some Christian groups and far right politics.

Scripture

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them?

Psalm 8:3-4

Thursday, 14 December 2017

The 14th

From evolution and the lifecycle of stars to our own lives, transformation and change appear to happen through periods of loss, crisis, stress, and even death. Physicists today would say that loss of energy or matter is not real. There is only transformation. Think of the changes water goes through in its journey from cloud (vapor) to liquid (rain) or solid (ice) and back to vapor. What may look like loss or death is in fact a becoming.

Richard Rohr

This is a very brief extract from today's daily meditation posted by the Centre for Action and Contemplation.
I very much believe that our lives have cycles and seasons so this resonates deeply with me, and I also believe that it's the most difficult things we experience that lead to growth and transformation.
I think we sometimes use Christmas to paper over the bad stuff, or at least push it aside for a short time - and we all need respite from the tough stuff.
But it's also healthy to remember there's still tough stuff going on, for ourselves and others. The thing is you never know (when your going through something difficult) how it will change you, what you will learn or what a catalyst it'll be.

Today I found joy in getting home from work and being greeted by my dogs, I was thankful for getting some patients home before Christmas and I felt helpless over feeling stressed and letting it show.

Scripture

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him

Luke 24:30-31a

Wednesday, 13 December 2017

The 13th

You are the object of our journey.
You are the One who leads us onward.
You are the Light in the gloom.
You are the Forgiving One.
You are the Peace Giver.
You are the Accompanier.
You are the Incarnate One.
Come to guide us, to lead us

Little Book of Advent

Today I found joy in sharing a meal with friends, I was thankful that the snow hasn't been heavier where I am (after experiencing a little snow shower in Bolton) and I felt helpless over not having more time to give to chaplaincy work.

Scripture

All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being.

John 1:3

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

The 12th

Rejoice

“Your heart will rejoice,” Jesus promises us in John. “Your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” So, how much joy do you have in your life? It is a gift and a promise. Maybe this Christmas you could ask God for the gift of joy. Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel has come to you.

Br. Geoffrey Tristram

Today I was not a good observer of Advent, I wasn't prayerfully preparing, I was full on celebrating! Our community choir gave us the most wonderful Christmas concert in church and then we all headed into the pub for sing-a-long beer and carols. And it was glorious. And joyful.
Ruth, our choir mistress, reminded us of the health benefits of singing and particularly of the endorphins released into our system, making us joyful. Communal singing is something particularly wonderful, the shared joy; the bond between us.
Christmas is a time for joyful song and particularly for singing together.

Today I found joy in singing! Was thankful for the power of music and felt helpless about making time for the stuff that matters.

Scripture

And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.

Matthew 6:27-29 

Monday, 11 December 2017

The 11th

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart,
and try to love the questions themselves
as if they were locked rooms
or books written in a very foreign language.

Do not search for the answers, which could not be given to you now,
because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
you will gradually,
without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke

We can see so little. Life unfolds in stages. When we look at life, at the now, we should practice a posture of humility: we’re probably not seeing everything there is to see and understand. There’s always more.

Br. Curtis Almquist

In what ways this week are you being asked to wait?
#GodWithUs (Church of England)

These 3 things I came across today all seem to be linked in some way. I'm at a really unusual point in Advent where I'm almost ready for Christmas and I want to race ahead - I'm feeling an excitement which I haven't in years - but Advent is all about the wait and how it transforms and prepares us. Sometimes we have to inhabit the liminal spaces.

Today I found joy in my work, I was thankful for the crisp winter weather (seasons are important- even if we're freezing!) and I felt helpless over my own grumpiness towards the end of the day (and sweariness!)

Sunday, 10 December 2017

The 10th

If you want your dream to be
Take your time, go slowly
Do few things but do them well
Heartfelt work grows purely
If you want to live life free
Take your, time go slowly
Do few things but do them well
Heartfelt work grows purely

Day by day, stone by stone
Build your secret slowly
Day by day, you’ll grow too
You’ll know heaven’s glory

If you want to live life free
Take your time go slowly
If you want your dream to be
Take your time, go slowly

‘Little Church’ (Donovan Leitch)

I think I used this Northumbria Community meditation (actually it's a song from Brother Sun Sister Moon, the Franco Zeffirelli film about St Francis) during Lent but it seems even more appropriate during Advent, which is more usually a time where we try to do way too many things and burn ourselves out. Do few things and do them well.

Today I found joy in leftover chilli, was thankful for my team at work and felt helpless about time getting away from me.

Scripture

No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.

Matthew 5:15

Saturday, 9 December 2017

The 9th

I am not here to pass judgement
or point the finger at anyone.
My name was written in the sand
as one who is forgiven.
Strengthened with hope, impervious to shame,
I will walk freely like the freshness
of the dry lands after rain.

Let light spill out of heaven
through my life,
dispelling mediocrity and silent blame.
Too many people, guilt-stricken, wounded,
walk in regret,
feeling bad about failing,
apologise even for breathing.

Raw belief, a passion for others
grows in me,
encircling each moment
with instinctive prayer.
I will carry the freshness
of the dry lands after rain.
Compassion lives in me again.

Andy Raine

I want compassion and passion for others to be my defining qualities. I want who I am on the inside to be shaped by my response to the world and people around me.
I think it would be really easy to resent people around me celebrating Christmas whilst I keep Advent, but I love the joy I see in people; I see God reflected in them. I've seen a trend amongst some religious people- to be very pompous about Advent, to have an air of superiority (ok, I may have been a bit that way myself at times) about not celebrating until Christmas Day, but in the words of Mr Emerson in Forster's A Room With a View "Do we find happiness so often that we should turn it off the box when it happens to sit there?"

Today I found joy in having a lie-in, was thankful for having a warm home and felt helpless about people feeling overwhelmed by Christmas.

Scripture

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.

Jeremiah 29:11-12

Friday, 8 December 2017

The 8th

When a great moment knocks on the door of your life,
it is often no louder than the beating of your heart,
and it is very easy to miss it.

Boris Pasternak

Our lives are so noisy, full and busy that I worry we miss the small, important things. I'm a great believer in small things; extraordinary ordinariness. If I take Advent as a time of preparation and anticipation it just might be easier to tune out some of the noise and tune into something important I might be missing that's right in front of me.

Today I found joy in catching up with a good friend, I am thankful for art and creative pursuits and I feel helpless about how ill prepared our government appears regarding Brexit.

Scripture

You will show me the path of life;
in your presence is the fullness of joy 
and in your right hand are pleasures for evermore.
Psalm 16:10

Thursday, 7 December 2017

The 7th

Give me freedom to grow, so that I may become that self, the seed of which You planted in me at my making.

George Appleton

Advent and Christmas are times we can get so caught up in what we think we should be doing, who we should be and who we're projecting ourselves as. I want to spend time asking who I am, not who do I want to be or do I think I should be.
As a priest I'm often surrounded by people that I feel are far more able, gifted or holy than me. I have to remind myself that God called me to be myself, to bring my gifts and abilities in loving service to the world around me.

Today I found joy in the company of Huw, my parish priest, I was thankful for my ridiculously awesome kids and I felt helpless that my husband didn't get a job he wanted.

Scripture

When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
Jeremiah 29:13; 33:3

The 6th

When I stop at the cross
I can see the love of God.

But I can’t see competition.
I can’t see hierarchy.
I can’t see pride or prejudice
or the abuse of authority.
I can’t see lust for power.
I can’t see manipulation.
I can’t see rage or anger
or selfish ambition.

I can’t see unforgiveness.
I can’t see hate or envy.
I can’t see stupid fighting
or bitterness, or jealousy.
I can’t see empire building.
I can’t see self-importance.
I can’t see back-stabbing
or vanity or arrogance.

I see surrender, sacrifice, salvation,
humility, righteousness, faithfulness, grace, forgiveness, love!

Godfrey Birtill

I love today's meditation; it reminds me of all the things I should reject and by those things I reject shows what and who I am striving to be. If we strive to embody love, to reflect it in all we do, these are the things we must actively turn from.

Scripture
Strengthen the weary hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to the anxious, ‘Be strong, fear not.
Isaiah 35:3-4a

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

The 5th

God’s endless love contradicts the world and upsets all its pretentious meanings. The world seeks glory, honor, pleasure, pride, freedom from suffering, greed, hatred, resentment...But the God-Man chose utter poverty, insults, torment, ridicule, hunger, and thirst.

Catherine of Siena

I've made a conscious effort to move away from the more commercial side of Christmas to concentrate on keeping it simple; focusing on family, community (church, work and local) and simple pleasures. Finding joy in the small things has made me more content.

Today I found joy in sharing a meal with my family, I was thankful for my husband doing a few small jobs I'd asked him to (it means his mental health is good) and I felt helpless about night shifts cutting short the time I have with my children.

Scripture
By the tender mercy of our God,
    the dawn from on high will break uponaus,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
    to guide our feet into the way of peace.
Luke 1:78-79

Monday, 4 December 2017

The 4th

This is an extract from today's daily meditation from Richard Rohr:

James Finley learned from [Thomas] Merton while living at the Abbey of Gethsemani from 1961-1967. He reflects that Merton believed the world could not survive if religion remained at the clannish level. This false competition doesn’t serve anyone. On the other hand, openness to other traditions can and should deepen our commitment to our own faith and practice. This is one of the primary fruits of obeying Jesus’ simple command to “love our neighbor.” I presume loving others means listening to them and respecting them as brothers and sisters.

The only way we can learn is through an open mind and listening to others. It's fascinating that so many other faiths and traditions have winter festivals- what similarities are there? What's different? I love hearing not only about other people's Christmas traditions but the traditions of other faiths and cultures.
There should always be time for looking outwards at Christmas, assessing the bigger picture, connecting with people, thinking outside of our smaller communities to the bigger things we're a part of. I'm lucky that Manchester is such a diverse city, it's an amazing place to experience. I also work in an incredibly diverse environment with people from all over the world.

Today I felt joyful talking to an old friend, am thankful for my children's health and felt helpless not being able to give my patients the answers they want.

Scripture
I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.’
Psalm 40:8

Sunday, 3 December 2017

The 3rd

We have to be candles, burning between hope and despair,
faith and doubt, life and death,
all the opposites.

(William Brodrick)

This is part of today's reflection from The Northumbria Community. The reflections are cyclical so I'm pretty familiar with many of them and this is the section of today's which always stands out for me.
It emphasises for me that life is not dualistic; whilst it lists opposites I believe it means we are forever in motion on the spectrum between the opposites. We are never fully one thing or another. There's also the challenge to be a candle on this spectrum- to both draw people to us and to illuminate.

This is really helpful I think when experiencing advent in our mostly secular country. We're both trying to prayerfully and patiently wait and prepare for Christmas day, and yet we're also caught up in many of the celebrations around us - this doesn't mean we aren't getting spiritually prepared too.

Today I found joy in leading our monthly family service, I was thankful that I'm entering Advent much more at peace than in previous years and I felt helpless over not getting enough sleep.

Scripture:
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ Psalm 31:14

Saturday, 2 December 2017

The 2nd

My daughter often tells me she hates silence. I love it. If I had a magic button that could do one thing (I was asked this question in a Facebook group this week) it would cause silence to fall instantly. We need to learn to find space for silence, to not find it scary but comforting; to know it's a place where we can uncover marvellous truths.

Today I found joy in sharing cappuccinos with my family, I was thankful for all four of us being together for the whole weekend and I felt helpless at knowing the busyness of life will return and be unrelenting when I return to work on Monday.

Today’s Meditation:

If I chose to hide you away, it is for a reason.
I have brought you to this place.
Drink in the silence. Seek solitude.

Listen to the silence.

It will teach you. It will build strength
Let others share it with you.
It is little to be found elsewhere.

Silence will speak more to you in a day than the world of voices can teach you in a lifetime.
Find silence. Find solitude – and having discovered her riches, bind her to your heart.

Frances J. Roberts

Scripture:

Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
- James 1:17

Friday, 1 December 2017

The 1st

It's that time of year again where I try to blog each day. I do this for Lent and Advent as it helps me to focus each day on the spiritual preparation that leads up to Easter and Christmas.

I had all sorts of ideas of what I might do for Advent but as the simplest idea is usually the most achievable I'm using Mary Fleeson's Advent prayers and the daily readings and meditations from The Northumbria Community, probably with a bit of Richard Rohr thrown in! Ok, that sounds more complicated than it is.

The prayer card suggests that each day you write down something that makes you joyful, something which you're thankful for and something which you feel helpless about. Whatever your belief system this is a useful way to evaluate and reflect upon your day.

I've been off work all this week to try and prepare myself (both physically by sorting out stuff at home, and mentally by finding some head space) for Advent. For the rest of the world Christmas has already begun, but in my tradition of the Anglican faith, and especially for myself as a priest, it's a time (like Lent) of spiritual preparation, patience, anticipation and waiting.

Four years ago on Advent Sunday I preached my first sermon, all about the anticipation of Advent. It's a difficult balance to find between wanting to celebrate - to immerse myself in the festivities around me - and to keep it as a time of preparation. Chronicling all this in the blog helps me to hold that tension and keep that balance.

Today: I found joy in laughing with my family at the cinema (Paddington 2 - pure distilled joy), I am thankful that I was able to take leave from work this week and I feel helpless about certain unstable world political situations.

Reflection:
Hurry is an unpleasant thing in itself, but also very unpleasant for whoever is around it. Some people came into my room and rushed in and rushed out and even when they were there they were not there – they were in the moment ahead or the moment behind. Some people who came in just for a moment were all there, completely in that moment.

Live from day to day, just from day to day. If you do so, you worry less and live more richly. If you let yourself be absorbed completely, if you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Scripture:
The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself in love. — Galatians 5:6

Sunday, 22 October 2017

Travelling Light

Sermon based upon Isaiah 35:3-6, 2 Timothy 4:5-17 & Luke 10:1-9

It’s become something of a tradition here at St Michael’s to dedicate the Sunday closest to St Luke’s Feast Day, the 18th of October, to a service of Wholeness and Healing. The author of the Book of Acts and Luke’s gospel is responsible for over a quarter of the content of the New Testament, so he’s a bit of a big deal when it comes to the history and theology of our church.

The link between Luke and healing is because of the belief he was a Greek physician. Other opinions are available but we take this opportunity as a community to pray for wholeness and healing, whatever that means to each of us.

Today’s gospel reading from Luke speaks of risk, vulnerability and urgency. I think if I was allowed I would have actually wanted to reverse the order of today’s readings and have the Luke reading first.

In it we see the instruction to the seventy chosen disciples to go out in mission, just as they are. No money, no possessions, no suitcase or rucksack. I don’t know about you but I’m a “pack for every conceivable scenario” kind of a girl.

This usually means I have a case or indeed car full of things I never use or need. What it does bring me however is comfort, I feel a gentle reassurance in having my “just in case” items with me.

The thought of going out, like these seventy disciples, with no purse, no bag and no sandals fills me with dread- never mind sandals I also need my walking boots, wellies, trainers and something pretty just in case we go somewhere nice!

But Jesus was preparing the disciples for a particular mission, preparing the way, in towns he would later go to himself. He was also asking a group of Jewish people to eat whatever was placed before them, whether it abided by the strict Jewish food laws or not. These people are being put right out of their comfort zone.

Finally, he tells them to cure the sick. It doesn’t elaborate whether this is through prayer or physical care, but the disciples have their instructions and are to get to it ASAP. No time for small talk. Off you go.

How scared, vulnerable and maybe even a little excited would they have been? It’s the beginning of an adventure but one where they risk losing everything.

So, if I were reversing the order of today’s readings I’d still put Paul’s second letter to Timothy in the middle. He reinforces our need to be missional people, Jesus has given us a ministry which we must carry out in full; God gives us strength for this.

Paul also serves as a reminder of the risks we take by following God’s will for our lives, and to be honest it’d probably put most of us off! He’s banged up in jail at this point, but crucially he’s still full of hope, happy in the knowledge that he’s followed the path set out for him. Paul’s very much a “bigger picture” sort of chap.

Finally, I’d have the Isaiah reading at the end as it shows us what’s possible when we follow where Jesus is leading or go where he sends us. It’s so poetically joyful!

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
   and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
then the lame shall leap like a deer,
   and the tongue of the speechless sing for joy.
For waters shall break forth in the wilderness,
   and streams in the desert

If this were to happen, as the disciples go about the land, what truer sign would there be of the kingdom of God truly being near?

For many of us the words from Isaiah reflect a kind of healing, an idea of what wholeness in our relationship with God and indeed our lives and the world might look like. It’s something we long for but may never expect to experience.

I mentioned earlier that healing means something different to each of us, but I believe that central to it is the idea of the completeness of our relationship with God. There’s tiny glimpses in these readings of how we might be able to actually achieve this.

It’s important to remember that the instructions in our gospel reading aren’t being given to us but to a particular group of people, with a particular mission, two thousand years ago. That doesn’t mean there isn’t something we can’t learn, particularly about vulnerability and baggage.

There’s a quotation from Dorothee Soelle I’d like to share with you:

He who takes the most with him and leaves little behind, and therefore remains much the same as he was before, has little chance of finding what he seeks…he who does not give up anything cannot find anything…

We’re each carrying things with us which prevent us from moving forward, stops us from finding our true purpose and from being in a more complete relationship with God.

It might be stuff that like me with my holiday packing we hold on to for comfort. When our lives are so filled up with stuff we often lose sight of what really matters- we can’t hear over the noise of activity or see the spaces between the clutter.

We can also take baggage with us that we feel chained to, that we can’t shake off- whether the emotional baggage of a past we feel we can’t escape from or the obligations we feel locked in to.

Jesus advises to travel light because only then can we discern what’s of real value; only then do we create space in our lives to be filled up by God.

Healing is about transformation and we’re transformed when we set aside things which don’t really matter and give space to the things which do.

This can be scary, transition often is. We like comfort and we fear transition and change. Take away the familiar and the comforting and we’re vulnerable, but this is the model of being that Jesus has left us with; strength through weakness, life through death.

If we’re brave enough to model gaining strength through vulnerability others will see it and be less scared to do it themselves. Through this the words of Isaiah become more than just beautiful poetry, they become a fulfilment of prophecy and of God’s will for our lives.

We can achieve healing and completeness in our relationships, we can make peace with ourselves and with the world around us.
We can be a sign of hope, reconciliation and healing,
we can be water bursting forth in a desert.

It’s risky and it’s scary, to step forward and go out just as we are, and I don’t know how far down that path I am myself, but for a chance to live a healed, more complete, reconciled life it’s got to be a chance worth taking; to ask ourselves what do I need to let go of? What’s my baggage?

Because if we do this, dump the baggage and make that space for God, not only do we make ourselves more complete but we become God’s instruments of healing and reconciliation in the lives of others, and that’s got to be worth taking some risks.

Strengthen the weak hands,
   and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who are of a fearful heart,
   ‘Be strong, do not fear!

Sometimes we need to hear that ourselves and sometimes we need to be the ones saying it.

So I want to say to you “be strong and do not fear”, and you can say it back to me later if you like! We live in God’s love, he guides or steps, let’s see if we can take the risks he’s asking of us.

Amen.

Sunday, 17 September 2017

The F Word


Sermon based upon Matthew 18:21-35

I feel like poor Peter has come in for a bashing recently on Sunday mornings! So many of the gospel stories we’ve heard have centred on his ability to get things wrong, and that’s the case again today.

Peter thinks he’s being super generous, abundantly merciful, with his suggestion of offering forgiveness 7 times. The thing is, in the Jewish tradition and wisdom teaching God forgave 3 times and punished at the 4th offence, which I think comes from Amos where God forgives Israel’s enemies 3 times. Because humans could never be more gracious than God they could only forgive 3 times and no more, so Peter with his suggestion of 7 times, more than double what his culture taught, must have thought Jesus was going to be blown away by his answer.

Cue another instance of Jesus giving Peter a friendly pat on the shoulder as he shows that yet again his assumptions are very wrong, and states a figure of 77 times. This isn’t a literal 77, Jesus is using hyperbole and a playing on the words used in a verse from Genesis, referred to as the law of vengeance: If Cain is avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy-sevenfold (Gen 4:24). Instead of extreme vengeance Jesus is calling us to extreme mercy and forgiveness.

To illustrate his point Jesus tells the parable of the unforgiving servant. The sum of money he owes, 10,000 talents is deliberately extravagant. It’d be millions today, this illustrates the extreme generosity, mercy and forgiveness he’s shown. The amount owed the servant, in which he shows no mercy, is just a few quid in comparison.
Jesus is illustrating that as God shows us radical forgiveness, we must respond to that by showing radical forgiveness to others.

I’ve been wondering this week what was it about the servant, after being shown such mercy and compassion, that failed to stir up the same mercy and compassion within him? What was is about his culture and background, his life experiences, that meant despite the extreme nature of the forgiveness he received, he was unable to show that, on a much smaller scale, to another?

I’ve probably mentioned it before but I’m a huge admirer of Desmond Tutu. His theology, his wisdom, the life he’s led, I admire him a great deal. A few weeks ago, I read some extracts from an article he’d written about forgiveness at our Thursday morning service, so apologies to anyone who was there when I repeat myself today.

His work regarding radical forgiveness, especially heading the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in post-apartheid South Africa is well known. During that process victims of human rights violations shared their stories, and perpetrators of those acts were granted amnesty. What might not be as well-known are the personal struggles he faced, particularly growing up with an alcoholic and abusive father.

He recounts witnessing his father abusing his mother and says this: When I recall this story, I realise how difficult the process of forgiving truly is. Intellectually, I know my father caused pain because he himself was in pain. Spiritually, I know my faith tells me my father deserves to be forgiven as God forgives us all. But it is still difficult. The traumas we have witnessed or experienced live on in our memories. Even years later they can cause us fresh pain each time we recall them.

Intellectually and from a position of people who belong to Christ we know forgiveness, radical and unconditional, is what we’re called to, but when the hurts run so deep our emotions blind us to what our logic or intellect might be telling us. The article continues:

I know [forgiveness] is the only way to heal the pain in my boyhood heart. Forgiveness is not dependent on the actions of others. Yes, it is certainly easier to offer forgiveness when the perpetrator expresses remorse and offers some sort of reparation or restitution. Then, you can feel as if you have been paid back in some way. You can say: "I am willing to forgive you for stealing my pen, and after you give me my pen back, I shall forgive you." This is the most familiar pattern of forgiveness. We don't forgive to help the other person. We don't forgive for others. We forgive for ourselves. Forgiveness, in other words, is the best form of self-interest.

Forgiveness takes practice, honesty, open-mindedness and a willingness (even if it is a weary willingness) to try. It isn't easy. Perhaps you have already tried to forgive someone and just couldn't do it. Perhaps you have forgiven and the person did not show remorse or change his or her behaviour or own up to his or her offences – and you find yourself unforgiving all over again.

It is perfectly normal to want to hurt back when you have been hurt. But hurting back rarely satisfies. We think it will, but it doesn't. If I slap you after you slap me, it does not lessen the sting I feel on my own face, nor does it diminish my sadness over the fact that you have struck me. Retaliation gives, at best, only momentary respite from our pain. The only way to experience healing and peace is to forgive. Until we can forgive, we remain locked in our pain and locked out of the possibility of experiencing healing and freedom, locked out of the possibility of being at peace.

This belief, of forgiveness bringing us Peace and Healing, was central to the Truth and Reconciliation commission. The acts requiring forgiveness would be to us inhuman, barbaric, and yet forgiveness, radical and Christ-like was offered.

These principals have been carried over into a UK based project backed by Desmond Tutu called the Forgiveness Project. It’s a charity that uses the stories of both victims and perpetrators of crime and violence to explore how ideas around forgiveness, reconciliation and conflict resolution can be used to impact positively on people’s lives. It’s non-partisan and non-religious but many Christian organisations have been involved as it so closely reflects Christ’s teaching.

It’s an encouragement to debate, not holding up forgiveness as an all-healing magic bullet, but rather an examination of forgiveness as a means to finding resolution, and hopefully, eventually, transformation. I really recommend exploring the project, reading some of the stories, because it’s a glimpse of the possible, and I believe a glimpse of Kingdom living.

I’ve used a lot of Desmond Tutu’s words today, and I’m going to use some more, because his lived experiences mean he puts this better that I ever could:
A human life is a great mixture of goodness, beauty, cruelty, heartbreak, indifference, love and so much more. All of us share the core qualities of our human nature and so sometimes we are generous and sometimes selfish. Sometimes we are thoughtful and other times thoughtless; sometimes we are kind and sometimes cruel. This is not a belief. This is a fact.

No one is born a liar or a rapist or a terrorist. No one is born full of hatred. No one is born full of violence. No one is born in any less glory or goodness than you or me. But on any given day, in any given situation, in any painful life experience, this glory and goodness can be forgotten, obscured or lost. We can easily be hurt and broken, and it is good to remember that we can just as easily be the ones who have done the hurting and the breaking.

The simple truth is, we all make mistakes, and we all need forgiveness. There is no magic wand we can wave to go back in time and change what has happened or undo the harm that has been done, but we can do everything in our power to set right what has been made wrong. We can endeavour to make sure the harm never happens again.
There are times when all of us have been thoughtless, selfish or cruel. But no act is unforgivable; no person is beyond redemption. Yet, it is not easy to admit one's wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. "I am sorry" are perhaps the three hardest words to say.

We can come up with all manner of justifications to excuse what we have done. When we are willing to let down our defences and look honestly at our actions, we find there is a great freedom in asking for forgiveness and great strength in admitting the wrong. It is how we free ourselves from our past errors. It is how we are able to move forward into our future, unfettered by the mistakes we have made.

The parable of the ungrateful servant is both a parable of seeking forgiveness and of forgiving. It shows us how much can be forgiven when we know we’re wrong and we ask for forgiveness, and it also shows us how much hurt can come when we don’t give forgiveness when people ask it of us.


I don’t know what it was within the servant that meant he couldn’t find a way into forgiveness, but that inability led to the continuing suffering of both himself and the man asking for forgiveness. God requires us to be as generous in our forgiveness as he is with us, which we know is infinite. It’s a big ask, and it’s not easy at all, but it does contain the power to transform lives. 

Sunday, 27 August 2017

Love thy white supremacist neighbour?

Sermon based upon Romans 12:1-8 and Matthew 16:13-20

Simon “Rocky to his friends” Johnson, the hot-headed fisherman of Capernaum. Peter to us, but I kind of like the nickname Rocky. It fits. He’s hot-headed and punchy, not really one for thinking before he speaks or acts.

We know more about Peter than any other of the 12, which means that we, as they must have done, can wonder “him?!!” when Jesus declares Simon to be Peter, his rock, and promises him the keys to the kingdom. 

A better nickname might have been “Sandy” because he shifts about so much; unstable, tactless and impetuous. We might think this is evidence of Jesus’ sense of humour, his eyes giving a playful twinkle as he says it, the other 11 smirking.

Yet Peter, for all his blundering, has said something that no one else up to this point has said or recognised; Peter in his complexity and paradoxical simplicity just comes out with it: “You are the Messiah”.

Because of Peter’s knack of saying, unfiltered, whatever comes into his head he’s actually the 1 disciple not only to recognise the activity of God when he sees it, but to blurt it out, not thinking of the implications. Peter acts on instinct, rightly or wrongly, a lot of the time, and that includes here.

Jesus then basically names Peter first amongst equals, and we recognise the importance of that in the early church. Jesus gives him permission to bind or loose- forbid or permit. 

He was the first to be called, the first named in lists of apostles and the one from whom Paul, even though they have disagreements, seeks approval from as he sets out on his own mission. 

For all his paradoxes and contradictions Peter becomes a unifying figure, at the centre of the vision of a community of faith, central to Paul’s vision of the one body, the perfect example of how it takes people of every kind to build that community.

The body image is the illustration of the perfect inclusive church where no one is ex-cluded, we all fit in somewhere. Both the person of Peter and the vision of Paul serve to give us hope that no matter what our faults or differences, God has a place for us.

I get so disheartened by reports of faith communities which are built up on a premise of exclusion rather than inclusion, a reading of scripture which I whole-heartedly disagree with.

The idea that you must have a particular view of scripture, faith, gender roles, politics, sexuality or style of worship to be acceptable to God I believe goes against the vision of the body of Christ and both the teachings and ministry of Jesus. To hear of faith communities rejecting and excluding those who don’t fit their own view of Christianity is heart-breaking.

We’re all guilty at times of making God too small, trying to make him fit our own world view, me included. 

Paul is reminding us that God is so big as to be able to accommodate each and every one of us. If Jesus excluded his disciples each time they tried to make God small, or acted in a way which didn’t fit Jesus’ own teachings, He would have been very alone very quickly.

This past fortnight, to see people marching in God’s name, in the churches name, with an ideology of white supremacy, has been something which I think our little community here might have found difficult to believe or imagine. Those of you who use Social Media may have seen or even used the phrases “not all Christians” or “not in my name”, as we try and distance ourselves from those who share our faith bur not our ideologies.

We can condemn violence and acts of hatred done in Christ’s name, for there is no excusing it, yet it’s a reminder of a past we also want to distance ourselves from, the role of our church in Empire Christianity, of conquer and conquest, a past of believing God gave us a mission and a right to overthrow, oppress and white-wash other cultures and faiths.

Peter’s life, as the first, unifying head of the church, is a good metaphor for the history of the church and of Christianity. We’ve got things wrong, we’ve rejected Christ for our own interests; we’ve got things right and recognised the activity of God when we’ve seen it. The church has at times been unstable, tactless and impetuous, at times been faithful and filled with love and life-giving.

Peter’s life also gives me hope for the church- and for myself. 

It took many years and many mistakes for him to become who he became. We share his faults and failings, so we can also share in his successes and ability to see Jesus for exactly who he is. 

The way Jesus never rejects him despite his actions gives me a template on how I should respond to my brothers and sisters who may share my religion but not me beliefs or world view; a way of confronting racist rhetoric dressed up as Christianity, because if I believe in Paul’s vision of the Body of Christ and full inclusion of each and every person, I must find a way to accept that those with views of ex-clusion, views we may find detestable, those who take part in marches to promote a white supremacist world view, are still somehow part of the Body of Christ.

Now this is uncomfortable stuff, how is this even possible? How can we be part of the same community of faith as those whose views seem to come from a place of such hate? I should imagine the majority of us would feel about these groups the same way our Muslim Brothers and sisters do when they’re thought to belong to the same group of people who commit atrocities in the name of their faith.

But the only way I know to drive out hate is with love, to fight exclusion with inclusion, to keep our hearts, our minds and our doors open. 

Only by showing the love of Christ can we open up the hearts and minds of others to what’s possible when we stop trying to divide and separate our communities, when we stop excluding and punishing in Jesus’ name, and when we become the living embodiment of loving in Jesus’ name. We show them with our every action that intolerance is not welcome in our church.

When we model what it can look like to truly live out the love which pours from God there’s a chance we can effect change in others, to include them even if we disagree with them.

To go back to where we started, with Peter, our rock, some of his views could now be considered racist. He discriminated against the gentiles and Paul called him out for it. We can all get things wrong, and we can all be redeemed. No one, not one single person is beyond that love which flows unending from God, to us, and is intended to be shared out in all places, to all people, at all times.

Sunday, 18 June 2017

We're on a mission. From God.

Sermon preached this morning, based upon Matthew 9:35-10:8

We’re on a mission. From God”
Any of you familiar with the film The Blues Brothers, which just so happens to be my husband’s favourite, will be familiar with that line. For those of you who haven’t seen it I’ll set the scene:

Elwood Blues arrives at Joliet prison on the day of his brother (Jake’s) release. They visit the Roman Catholic orphanage they grew up in, only to find out it’ll be closed if they can’t raise $5000. The brothers then visit a Baptist church where Jake has a divine epiphany; if they reform their old band, The Blues Brothers, they can raise the money to save the orphanage.

As they meet up with former band mates and other folk along the way they tell them “we’re on a mission. From God.” This mission often finds them on the wrong side of the law, and various other groups along the way.

Eventually, and I’m sorry if this is a spoiler but this film is almost as old as me, they raise $10,000 which saves the orphanage, as well as paying for instruments they’ve borrowed along the way. However, just after they hand over the money and save the orphanage the police catch up with them and the film ends where it started, in Joliet prison, with the band performing Jailhouse Rock for their fellow inmates.
They may have ended up as convicted felons but they did complete the mission they believed God had challenged them with.

In today’s gospel we see the 12 apostles being given their mission from God. They’re each named; Simon Peter, Andrew, James son of Zebedee, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James son of Alphaeus, Thaddaeus, Simon the Cananaean and Judas.
This is the only place Matthew uses the word “apostle”, meaning one who is sent. I often tell baptism families that there’s very few examples of Jesus saying “do this” or “do that”, but here it’s very clear what he’s sending the 12 to do, clear what their mission is.

He’s sending the 12 to be a reflection of himself; cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons- this is the stuff the gospel writers have told us Jesus did, and yet he’s sending them to do this in a place he never ministered in; Galilee. As Paul will later become the apostle to the gentiles, this 12, one to represent each tribe of Israel, are being sent to preach and minister to Israel. Jesus is very clear; don’t go anywhere near the gentiles or Samaritans.

They’re to declare the gospel to those who should have it already written in their hearts; this mission is a mission to reclaim God’s chosen people, to remind them of their place as a consecrated nation and their calling to a universal priesthood- a kingdom of priests.

But who are these 12 men, what do we really know about them? Might they have more in common with Jake and Elwood Blues than with their saintly images decorating our church?

Churches are filled with images of the 12 as saintly- we have Thomas in the corner of our main window; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hiding in the corners of the ascension window. If you look closely- as I sometimes get our family praise children to do- you can see some of the other 12 depicted around the church. And don’t they look holy? Any human imperfections hidden by the glow of their halos.

Is this how you imagine the 12? The wise and saintly founding fathers of our faith? Or do you like your Holy men a little more human and earthly?

We know Judas’ flaws and fete, and yet Jesus still chose him. Matthew was a reviled tax collector- although a changed man from meeting Jesus. These men were from such varied backgrounds- rough and uneducated fishermen, a political zealot- but Jesus changed all that? Taught them, trained them, and transformed them- or did he?

The 12 keep getting stuff wrong- Thomas doubts, Peter denies Jesus- in fact Peter gets loads of stuff wrong. He’s blunt and bumbling- emotion always getting the better of him. We know they squabble about who’s the greatest, and we know they hide in fear until the Spirit comes to shove them out of the door and into actually acting upon Jesus’ instructions.

We have in the apostles an imperfect bunch, from all walks of life, who aren’t made perfect even after 3 years in Jesus’ company. And they need a direct and transformational experience of the Holy Spirit before they go out and actually begin the mission Jesus has directly given them.

Jesus calls them, delights in them and sends them inspite of who they are, not because of who they are.

When I was on placement at St Peter’s House, the church and chaplaincy at Manchester University, their readings didn’t end with “this is the word of the Lord”, but “what does this mean for us today”? And that’s the question I’m asking myself about the mission Jesus sets out for our flawed, very human apostles.

I’ve had no choice recently but to think about the nature of calling, mission and being sent as I prepare to be priested next Saturday and stand before you next Sunday to preside over the Eucharist for the first time.

At times like this we’re confronted with our own flaws, with all the things that are a barrier to our mission rather than the things that make us fit for purpose.
We’re the only ones who know our own inner life, apart from God. We know all the darkest aspects of ourselves, the things which stand in the way of our feeling like a reflection of Jesus in the places where we find ourselves.

But, like the apostles, we’re called inspite of who we are, not because of who we are. We’re flawed, we’re human, and because of that we relate to the flaws we see in others. The amazing thing is that despite our imperfections we still reflect Christ, and are made in God’s image.

Each one of us has a mission, and it won’t be the same as that given to the 12. It may be that some of us will be agents for healing, but that was their mission, for their context- a very culturally specific set of instructions for a group of men in 1st century Palestine.

We minister to our own time, in our own context, and take responsibility for our own mission. Our call is to look forwards to where God is leading us.

Jesus was very clear with the 12- don’t look over there, at other people and other places, look here, look at your people. Your mission is your people. Maybe this, in part, is our mission too. Sometimes we don’t have to look far to see where we’re needed, where we can reflect Christ and bring God’s love.

Like Jake and Elwood Blues finding their purpose we must find ours. As members of the church we are, like Israel, a consecrated people, claimed as God’s own and called to the universal priesthood.

We don’t have to look very hard to see examples recently within our communities of the gospel being lived out- as tragedy has struck time and time again in recent weeks I’m constantly overwhelmed by the goodness of people- the helpers, those who contribute- physically, financially, practically, organisationally; those who seek justice for people unable to do so themselves.

We have a mission as a church community to serve the people of this parish, and yet we each have an individual path to tread as well. For me, that inexplicably led to this pulpit- who knows where it might lead any one of you.

Embrace your flaws, they make us human and give us parity with the apostles. Know that God will use them and use us, whatever those flaws may be, if we trust him and the plans he has for us. We’re all on a mission. From God.

Sunday, 28 May 2017

The light shines in the darkness

I wrote a short article for the church newsletter:

I sit writing this in the aftermath of the horrifying events in Manchester this week, where people who went on a night out never came home, or returned home changed forever. When talking to my children about what had happened I encouraged them to focus on the response; the first responders, the helpers, those who draw together to provide a message of hope, love and unity. Our own cathedral staff, locked out of their building, took to the street to offer prayer and support- a visible sign of faith in a city which refuses to be a victim. 

The last twelve months since I was ordained as deacon, to serve here at St. Michaels, have had their ups and downs; moments of joy and of sadness. Our strength has come through how we’ve come together- both at times of joyful celebration and through grief and mourning. This is what being a community of faith is, this is how we reflect the light of Christ to the world around us. 

As I reflect upon what it means to be ordained as a priest on the 24th June, to serve this parish alongside my work at Christie Hospital, what I feel more than ever is the gospel we must proclaim is of Christ's inclusivity, of his drawing to himself the marginalised and outcast, broken and bereaved. 

We must also recognise the face in God in those who are different from us, those whose actions, motives and beliefs we can never understand, because we are all, without exception, made in the image of God and that can be uncomfortable reading when we know someone has committed an unspeakable act of violence. 

The bible verse I have seen more than any other this week is John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.

There’s light within each and every one of us but there is, I’m sure, darkness too. As we begin June with Pentecost it’s a reminder that whatever our struggles, both internal and external, God as Holy Spirit dwells within. The Chinese Christian teacher and leader Watchman Nee wrote:

Many saints cannot distinguish inspiration from emotion. Actually these two can be defined readily. Emotion always enters from man’s outside, whereas inspiration originates with the Holy Spirit in man’s spirit.

Whilst sometimes our emotions overpower us and lead our response, as Christians we must listen to the inspiration of the Spirit, placed within us to guide and to counsel, to lead and to teach. I pray the Spirit leads each of us to a place where we are a united body of Christ, moving forwards in hope.