Disruptive love

Today is the feast of the conversion of Saint Paul, and we heard the dramatic events of this in the reading from Acts, it was followed by a tiny gospel reading which feels deliberate to not overshadow the main event of today, which is Saul’s life-changing experience of the road to Damascus, after which he changes his name and his life’s purpose.

Without Paul who knows what we’d actually know of Jesus, because Paul’s role in evangelising and spreading the Gospel, through teaching, preaching and of course letter-writing, was central to getting the message out into the wider Roman Empire – which God knew would be the case, and eventually that message reached these isles, some 2000 miles away from these events.

The narrative of what led to Paul finding his true calling – the purpose which God had for his life, followed that amazing reading from Jeremiah which also talks about call – and there’s a thread of calling, change, and purpose through all our readings today.

Each passage shows God interrupting everyday life, changing its direction, and inviting people into something so much bigger than themselves. And that feels rather timely as we look ahead to our church planning day on the 14th of February. We’ll be asking big questions about who we are, what we’re called to do, and how God might be reshaping us for the future. And each and every one of you are invited to join us for that day.

Jeremiah’s story shows him protesting:

“sorry God! I can’t do this, I’m too young for all of this”. He feels he’s too young, too inexperienced, and too small for what God is calling him towards. God’s response isn’t stern, he doesn’t chastise Jeremiah, but reframes his protests

“Don’t say ‘I am only…’ how can you be ‘only’ anything with me beside you? I’ll give you the words you need, I’ll send you where you need to go”. Jeremiah’s calling isn’t based on his own ability but on God knowing he’ll be right beside him in that calling.

I think many Churches can fall into this “only” language:

We’re only a small congregation.

We’re only volunteers.

We only have so much time or resources.

But God says: Don’t say “only.”

God’s call begins not with our capacity, but with God’s, which is limitless.

As we anticipate our planning day, Jeremiah’s story invites us to leave behind the narrative of limitation and ask instead:

What might God be planting in us, collectively and as individuals, that we haven’t yet recognised or named?

Saul is a man on a mission, he has his purpose and his calling, and that means bad news for any Christians he encounters.

Yet when Saul encounters Jesus, he’s not punished, as you might have expected if we were in the Old Testament, but Saul experiences the disruption Jesus can bring into our lives when he enters in with generous, unending and undeserved love. For Saul this disruption comes as a light, a voice and a question:

“why do you persecute me?”

This question, directly from God, dismantles Saul’s worldview. It forces him to see that those people he’s hurt or harmed are, in fact, all part of God’s kingdom.

Paul’s conversion isn’t just about a change in belief but it’s also about recognition. He recognises that God is present in the very people he’d excluded.

For Paul this is both costly and liberating as his old life falls away and he allows himself to be changed by love, the love that God shows him.

Contemplating how changed Paul is by this experience invites us to open ourselves to what might be possible – what or who might God be asking us to see differently? What question might God be asking of us? How could God be calling us to be changed?

To go back to the purpose of our planning day, it’s an opportunity to allow God to interrupt us, to ask us uncomfortable questions, and to widen our imagination about who we’re called to be.

Peter’s question in the gospel reading is so very real, it’s probably what the others have been thinking but, of course, Peter is the one to open his mouth “We’ve left everything to follow you. What’s in it for us?”

They’ve sacrificed so much, and Peter wants to know it’s going to be worth it.

Jesus’ response could have been anything, we know he can be quick to chide or rebuke the disciples when they show self-interest, be here he offers a vision of renewal—a world made whole.

Building the kingdom isn’t about personal reward, it’s about making all things whole in God.

As we think about our future as a church - our mission, our priorities, our resources – we shouldn’t ask what’s in it for us, but rather: through the work of this community

Who can be lifted up?

Who can be welcomed?

Who can find healing, dignity, and belonging because we exist?

What do we need to do to join in God’s renewal of all things?

It can sometimes be a struggle to see how all our set readings fit together on any given Sunday, but it’s always good to remember that they always do –

a lot of thinking from clever theologians went into planning the 3-year cycles of readings. These three readings today are one story, and it’s also our story.

Through Jeremiah we see God calls us even when we feel inadequate.

Paul’s conversion demonstrates God transforms us, usually in ways we don’t expect.

And Jesus reminds us we’re being sent into a world that’s being renewed.

So, we invite you to be part of something next month where together we can imagine:

what’s possible for us with God alongside us?

What can be transformed in us?

where does change need to happen?

And what part might you have to play in all of this – where are we being called communally, but also where is the Spirit leading you?

It’s good to remember that whilst the conversion of Paul is big and dramatic, most transformation is much, much quieter. It happens in our conversations, in happens in our prayers, and in happens in our planning days, in moments of honesty and courage. It happens when we ask:

Where is God at work - and how can we join in? 

Amen,

Readings: 

Jeremiah 1:4-10 Jeremiah’s Call and Commission

4 Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,

5 ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

and before you were born I consecrated you;

I appointed you a prophet to the nations.’

6 Then I said, ‘Ah, Lord God! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a boy.’ 7 But the Lord said to me,

‘Do not say, “I am only a boy”;

for you shall go to all to whom I send you,

and you shall speak whatever I command you.

8 Do not be afraid of them,

for I am with you to deliver you,

says the Lord.’

9 Then the Lord put out his hand and touched my mouth; and the Lord said to me,

‘Now I have put my words in your mouth.

10 See, today I appoint you over nations and over kingdoms,

to pluck up and to pull down,

to destroy and to overthrow,

to build and to plant.’

Acts 9:1-22 The Conversion of Saul

9 Meanwhile Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any who belonged to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. 3 Now as he was going along and approaching Damascus, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’ 5 He asked, ‘Who are you, Lord?’ The reply came, ‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. 6 But get up and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.’ 7 The men who were travelling with him stood speechless because they heard the voice but saw no one. 8 Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. 9 For three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

10 Now there was a disciple in Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, ‘Ananias.’ He answered, ‘Here I am, Lord.’ 11 The Lord said to him, ‘Get up and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul. At this moment he is praying, 12 and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.’ 13 But Ananias answered, ‘Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints in Jerusalem; 14 and here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who invoke your name.’ 15 But the Lord said to him, ‘Go, for he is an instrument whom I have chosen to bring my name before Gentiles and kings and before the people of Israel; 16 I myself will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.’ 17 So Ananias went and entered the house. He laid his hands on Saul and said, ‘Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on your way here, has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.’ 18 And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and his sight was restored. Then he got up and was baptized, 19 and after taking some food, he regained his strength.

Saul Preaches in Damascus

For several days he was with the disciples in Damascus, 20 and immediately he began to proclaim Jesus in the synagogues, saying, ‘He is the Son of God.’ 21 All who heard him were amazed and said, ‘Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem among those who invoked this name? And has he not come here for the purpose of bringing them bound before the chief priests?’ 22 Saul became increasingly more powerful and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Messiah.

Matthew 19:27-30

27 Then Peter said in reply, ‘Look, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?’ 28 Jesus said to them, ‘Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man is seated on the throne of his glory, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.  29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife[a] or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

The 7th

Give me freedom to grow, so that I may become that self, the seed of which You planted in me at my making.

George Appleton

Advent and Christmas are times we can get so caught up in what we think we should be doing, who we should be and who we're projecting ourselves as. I want to spend time asking who I am, not who do I want to be or do I think I should be.
As a priest I'm often surrounded by people that I feel are far more able, gifted or holy than me. I have to remind myself that God called me to be myself, to bring my gifts and abilities in loving service to the world around me.

Today I found joy in the company of Huw, my parish priest, I was thankful for my ridiculously awesome kids and I felt helpless that my husband didn't get a job he wanted.

Scripture

When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
Jeremiah 29:13; 33:3

We're on a mission. From God.

Sermon preached this morning, based upon Matthew 9:35-10:8

We’re on a mission. From God”
Any of you familiar with the film The Blues Brothers, which just so happens to be my husband’s favourite, will be familiar with that line. For those of you who haven’t seen it I’ll set the scene:

Elwood Blues arrives at Joliet prison on the day of his brother (Jake’s) release. They visit the Roman Catholic orphanage they grew up in, only to find out it’ll be closed if they can’t raise $5000. The brothers then visit a Baptist church where Jake has a divine epiphany; if they reform their old band, The Blues Brothers, they can raise the money to save the orphanage.

As they meet up with former band mates and other folk along the way they tell them “we’re on a mission. From God.” This mission often finds them on the wrong side of the law, and various other groups along the way.

Eventually, and I’m sorry if this is a spoiler but this film is almost as old as me, they raise $10,000 which saves the orphanage, as well as paying for instruments they’ve borrowed along the way. However, just after they hand over the money and save the orphanage the police catch up with them and the film ends where it started, in Joliet prison, with the band performing Jailhouse Rock for their fellow inmates.
They may have ended up as convicted felons but they did complete the mission they believed God had challenged them with.

In today’s gospel we see the 12 apostles being given their mission from God. They’re each named; Simon Peter, Andrew, James son of Zebedee, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James son of Alphaeus, Thaddaeus, Simon the Cananaean and Judas.
This is the only place Matthew uses the word “apostle”, meaning one who is sent. I often tell baptism families that there’s very few examples of Jesus saying “do this” or “do that”, but here it’s very clear what he’s sending the 12 to do, clear what their mission is.

He’s sending the 12 to be a reflection of himself; cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons- this is the stuff the gospel writers have told us Jesus did, and yet he’s sending them to do this in a place he never ministered in; Galilee. As Paul will later become the apostle to the gentiles, this 12, one to represent each tribe of Israel, are being sent to preach and minister to Israel. Jesus is very clear; don’t go anywhere near the gentiles or Samaritans.

They’re to declare the gospel to those who should have it already written in their hearts; this mission is a mission to reclaim God’s chosen people, to remind them of their place as a consecrated nation and their calling to a universal priesthood- a kingdom of priests.

But who are these 12 men, what do we really know about them? Might they have more in common with Jake and Elwood Blues than with their saintly images decorating our church?

Churches are filled with images of the 12 as saintly- we have Thomas in the corner of our main window; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hiding in the corners of the ascension window. If you look closely- as I sometimes get our family praise children to do- you can see some of the other 12 depicted around the church. And don’t they look holy? Any human imperfections hidden by the glow of their halos.

Is this how you imagine the 12? The wise and saintly founding fathers of our faith? Or do you like your Holy men a little more human and earthly?

We know Judas’ flaws and fete, and yet Jesus still chose him. Matthew was a reviled tax collector- although a changed man from meeting Jesus. These men were from such varied backgrounds- rough and uneducated fishermen, a political zealot- but Jesus changed all that? Taught them, trained them, and transformed them- or did he?

The 12 keep getting stuff wrong- Thomas doubts, Peter denies Jesus- in fact Peter gets loads of stuff wrong. He’s blunt and bumbling- emotion always getting the better of him. We know they squabble about who’s the greatest, and we know they hide in fear until the Spirit comes to shove them out of the door and into actually acting upon Jesus’ instructions.

We have in the apostles an imperfect bunch, from all walks of life, who aren’t made perfect even after 3 years in Jesus’ company. And they need a direct and transformational experience of the Holy Spirit before they go out and actually begin the mission Jesus has directly given them.

Jesus calls them, delights in them and sends them inspite of who they are, not because of who they are.

When I was on placement at St Peter’s House, the church and chaplaincy at Manchester University, their readings didn’t end with “this is the word of the Lord”, but “what does this mean for us today”? And that’s the question I’m asking myself about the mission Jesus sets out for our flawed, very human apostles.

I’ve had no choice recently but to think about the nature of calling, mission and being sent as I prepare to be priested next Saturday and stand before you next Sunday to preside over the Eucharist for the first time.

At times like this we’re confronted with our own flaws, with all the things that are a barrier to our mission rather than the things that make us fit for purpose.
We’re the only ones who know our own inner life, apart from God. We know all the darkest aspects of ourselves, the things which stand in the way of our feeling like a reflection of Jesus in the places where we find ourselves.

But, like the apostles, we’re called inspite of who we are, not because of who we are. We’re flawed, we’re human, and because of that we relate to the flaws we see in others. The amazing thing is that despite our imperfections we still reflect Christ, and are made in God’s image.

Each one of us has a mission, and it won’t be the same as that given to the 12. It may be that some of us will be agents for healing, but that was their mission, for their context- a very culturally specific set of instructions for a group of men in 1st century Palestine.

We minister to our own time, in our own context, and take responsibility for our own mission. Our call is to look forwards to where God is leading us.

Jesus was very clear with the 12- don’t look over there, at other people and other places, look here, look at your people. Your mission is your people. Maybe this, in part, is our mission too. Sometimes we don’t have to look far to see where we’re needed, where we can reflect Christ and bring God’s love.

Like Jake and Elwood Blues finding their purpose we must find ours. As members of the church we are, like Israel, a consecrated people, claimed as God’s own and called to the universal priesthood.

We don’t have to look very hard to see examples recently within our communities of the gospel being lived out- as tragedy has struck time and time again in recent weeks I’m constantly overwhelmed by the goodness of people- the helpers, those who contribute- physically, financially, practically, organisationally; those who seek justice for people unable to do so themselves.

We have a mission as a church community to serve the people of this parish, and yet we each have an individual path to tread as well. For me, that inexplicably led to this pulpit- who knows where it might lead any one of you.

Embrace your flaws, they make us human and give us parity with the apostles. Know that God will use them and use us, whatever those flaws may be, if we trust him and the plans he has for us. We’re all on a mission. From God.