Is the church a feminist institution?

...I'm actually actually doing it. I'm an ordinand- there, I said it! My word it's...exhausting! With our first two residential weekends done and our week night teaching coming towards the end of the first team it all feels official- and I have clever books, and nice files, and highlighters. But more than that I'm reading, learning, engaging my brain. I'm knackered!
This Sunday I preach my first sermon- Advent Sunday. But by way of preparation and practice each member of my group prepared and presented a 2-3 minute "thought of the day". Here's mine:

I’ve taken a lot of interest in the last few months of the “Everyday Sexism” campaign. This catalogues instances of sexism experienced by women all over the world on a day-to-day basis. People can use social media sites, especially Twitter, to share their experiences of sexism, harassment and assault. It highlights a problem which is still sadly widespread. The matter-of-factness of some of the occurrences, there acceptance and normalisation in everyday life and the responses of some men when challenged about their behaviour is truly shocking.

With the recent vote on female bishops at General Synod, the role of women in the priesthood is under the spotlight once more. There are many accusations, especially from the media, thrown at the Anglican church of being an archaic and sexist institution. The communion I call myself part of has been accused of institutionalised sexism, dressed up as "legitimate theological difference".

I don’t shy away from calling myself a feminist, and I don’t feel that is at odds with my Christian faith. Theologian and feminist Vicky Beeching argues the view point that Jesus himself was very much a feminist. Her points include

·       His refusal to bow to cultural stigmas in an era when women were uneducated, had no legally valid voice and were essentially property.

·       He talked freely with women and encouraged theological study.

·       He chose Mary to deliver the message of his resurrection.

Feminism is a much misunderstood word, and seems to conjure up many negative images. Many strong and pioneering women have felt the need to say “but I’m not a feminist”, as if it were something damaging to our gender. But Feminism is quite simply the belief in total equality, dignity and value for women. By that definition I’d like to think that most of us could call ourselves feminists, and that hopefully the church could too.

The Next Step

As most of my friends and family will know by now, the outcome of my BAP was that I have been recommended for ordination training. As the bishop, and others, have been keen to point out, this is not a recommendation for the priesthood,  but to begin training for the priesthood. Nothing is set in stone until the bishop lays his hands on my head and says the magic words...which seems both a long way away and yet I'm sure, with everything that will happen in the next 3 years, will soon be upon us.
The next two months, besides the more obvious preparation and pre course learning, will probably be spent trying to explain what a Minister in Secular Employment, or MSE is. What follows is a transcript of an article I've written for the church magazine. More info can be found here:
http://www.chrism.org.uk/
http://www.manchester.anglican.org/resources-for-ministers/mse

"Many of you will have heard by now, either from myself, word of mouth, or Vicky, that I've been accepted for training in ordained ministry. What you might be unfamiliar with is the ministry for which I'm being prepared.
You may know me as Mike's wife, or Judith's daughter. Those of you with young families may know me as a worship leader at Peewits or Family Praise. I also coordinate the Wholeness and Healing Ministry Team and have been a member of PCC for many years. In the secular world I am a nursing sister at Christie Hospital, caring for patients who are undergoing high dose chemotherapy and stem cell transplants. For the last two years what I've been trying to discern is whether I also had a priestly calling alongside my vocation as a nurse.
Ministers in Secular Employment, or MSEs, exercise an ordained ministry primarily in their place of work. You continue to do your payed employment but alongside this you bring a priestly presence to your workplace, which can manifest itself in all manner of ways- it is very much a ministry of readiness, and of being a very public Christian.
The patients I care for are almost always nursed in isolation, due to weak immune systems leaving them very vulnerable to infection. Their hospital stays are usually for several weeks, or even months. Helping them to live out their spiritual lives in an environment which can impair their sense of 'self' is central to my ministry, but there is also the opportunity to care for their families and my colleagues. My training has been welcomed by both the ward and chaplaincy team at The Christie!
Whilst the role of MSE is primarily linked to your payed profession it is a dual ministry shared with your parish church. This means I eventually will, God willing, be licensed to serve as a priest here at St Michael's as well. The training is Part time, but (as the university prospectus keeps reminding me) not spare time! I will be expected to study for about 15 hours a week on top of one evening at university and working full time. I ask for your prayers and your patience, and to share in my journey over the next three years- and beyond! I would also ask you to keep Faith, Jacob and Mike in your prayers. Additional time apart will be tough for us all, but we as a family believe this is God's will for our lives, and whilst there may be hard work ahead it will also be a very big adventure. I hold very close to my heart the words from psalm 37, verses 23-24: "Our steps are made firm by the Lord, when he delights in our way; though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand." "

Post BAP blues

I was up until one o'clock this morning reading other peoples BAP blogs, and continuing to over analyse my experiences. When I mentioned this to Mikey he asked if I'd written a blog about the BAP, and that it might help...so here goes.
The BAP, or Bishop's Advisory Panel, is a Church of England ministry selection conference where folks who've been exploring a calling to ordained ministry go for the final assessment on whether they are ready to start training. It's a two and a bit day residential retreat. Folks who get to this stage may have been exploring their calling for years and have seen all sorts of advisers within their own diocese. The minimum amount of time folks have been in the system is twelve months, at a push.
For me it was as follows: at the start of last year, after over a year of talking to Vicky at St Michael's, she supported my application to explore ordained ministry with the DDO (diocesan director of ordinands), in my case the assistant DDO Angie. I met with Angie, wrote a written reflection for her, and she sent me off to see two vocations advisers- one a priest and one a lay person. They collaborated on a report about me. Angie was happy with this so I was asked to complete the extensive BAP application forms and see an examining chaplain, who is checking the conclusions the previous folks have come to.
This entire process took twelvish months and I was booked on a June BAP.
Before your panel, as well as the application forms, you are asked to write another reflection. This, along with your forms and reports, and four to five references (occupational, educational, lay & clergy) go to the three folks who'll be assessing you about six weeks in advance.
Basically they know a lot about you beforehand!

At the BAP you do a prepared presentation, after which you lead a discussion, you do a timed written Q&A about yourself, you write a letter on a complex pastoral issue and you are interviewed by each advisor (educational, vocational and pastoral). There's also fellowship and worship. There were sixteen candidates at my panel, split into two groups of eight. We were diverse in terms of age, gender, region, background and churchmanship but everyone I encountered was unique, interesting, faithful and supportive.

So...how'd it go? It's such a unique and intense experience and as yet I do not know the outcome (five to fourteen day wait, but as I meet with Angie on the 28th I'll know then if not before). It's hard to fully reflect without knowing the outcome.
Presentation: I used a traditional stand-behind-the-lecturn delivery, reading from my notes but trying to make eye contact and engage folks. Loosely I was steering the discussion towards the inclusivity of children in all aspects of worship. You have to summarise the discussion. I wasn't amazing at this but I was ok. I'd had the benefit, and downside, of experiencing everyone elses talks and discussion as drawing the eight of clubs card meant I was last to go!
You're also assessed on your contributions to everyone else's discussions. I struggled with this as my peers came across as so thoughtful, intelligent and considered. I felt unable to offer the intelligent insights they were offering up but I did contribute.

Pastoral exercise: we've been asked not to give away details of this as they reuse scenarios. We had to write a letter in a complex moral/ethical situation. I think the purpose was to demonstrate empathy and sensitivity, which I think I did ok.

Educational interview: my first and worst! There are nine selection criteria, the educational advisor is interested in Quality of Mind, Mission and Evangelism and Faith. This was incredibly challenging. Many of the questions were mission focused but I think I also managed to misquote scripture, forget important books I'd read and point out my shocking memory. Go Fi. I did manage to get across my view that a church which is inward looking is no church and our mission should be to find the need in the community around us.

The above, coupled with unfamiliar liturgies in worship meant I felt pretty mixed up by Tuesday night. I woke up about five am on Wednesday and decided my pastoral letter was done, emailing it off at six am.
To help myself settle into the second day of interviews I felt like I needed to do something 'normal', so I went out to the beautiful garden to say morning prayer, as I would at home. This seemed to do the trick.

Vocational meeting: this is considered the most important. It explores Vocation, ministry within the Church of England and Spirituality. I feel very secure in these three areas and believe this was my strongest interview. I felt able to communicate my very specific calling to workplace based ministry, my love of the Anglican church and what sustains me spiritually. When asked about challenges facing the church I felt my answers regarding equality of sexuality and gender were predictable but they are the ones foremost in my mind.
I felt absolutely elated after the interview and hugged everyone who stepped in my path!

Pastoral interview: this was my shortest but also very enjoyable. I have worried since that I may have come across as too confident, hopefully this wasn't the case. I felt very passionate and tried to emphasise my nursing vocation as one of service and sacrifice. Hopefully my passion didn't translate as arrogance. We focused on Relationships, Leadership & Collaboration and Personality & Character. The lovely adviser said the reason why the interview was a bit shorter was because my nursing career had informed her about a lot of pastoral issues. They also wish to know your abilities for coping with stress and if you've experienced personal difficulties. Here we spoke about the things I've experienced as a nurse and also the personal issues I believe God has helped me through such as Maureen's illness and death and Anna's gender reassignment. 

So there it is. I think I presented them with a reasonable picture of what I am and what I'm not. By now the decision is made, so whether they think my slightly unique calling to MSE is a valid one, and if so if I'm ready to train, all will have been revealed by this time next week.

Off to the BAP I go...

As my head is full of all sorts and everything with my BAP next week I thought I'd share my presentation with you:

I’ve chosen to talk about children’s spirituality in relation to the ministry of Wholeness and Healing and how my feelings about this have changed over the years.

Over the last 10 years we’ve developed a very strong Wholeness and Healing ministry in my parish. I joined the team as a new parent, mostly involved in children’s worship so it was lovely to do something ‘for the grown ups’. The services were quiet, prayerful and poorly attended. I would never have taken one of my children the service- they may disturb someone, and they were too little to understand. We decided to take the ministry to the heart of the congregation- Sunday Morning Holy Communion. It was slow to start but over the years the number of people who come forward to receive prayer, with laying on of hands, and anointing with oil has grown and grown, as has the understanding and acceptance of the ministry.

So where did the children fit into this? When I joined the team I had a baby daughter, my son followed 2 years later. When my daughter joined Sunday school she would go up for her blessing and then if it was a healing service she would come and stand with me where I was praying and laying on hands. After a while she wanted the prayer and anointing herself. Next time she brought a friend. Over time, we were getting more and more Sunday school children coming up. It felt very natural, and an indication of how well integrated the ministry is.
This seemed fine for a service where we’d usually expect children, but I didn’t take my children to other healing events or services.

I rethought my ideas after attending a healing Eucharist at Manchester Cathedral last year. I think that week we may have used up all our babysitting points with my parents, so after speaking with my friend, who’s a priest and was taking her own daughters with her, I decided, rather nervously, to take the children with me. There is after all the children’s corner at the cathedral. There was quite a number of children there, which made me more relaxed...but there was no children’s corner- everything was tidied away- the cathedral seemed to share my earlier view that this was just for the grown ups!

I started thinking- why had I, and clearly others, felt this ministry wasn’t for children? Jesus told the disciples: "Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons." He never said “just the adults”, but he
did say “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them” (Matthew 19:14, Luke 18:16). Jesus chose to perform one of his most amazing miracles- the raising from the dead of Jairus’ daughter- on a child.
Do we think it’s too complex? Or do we worry what their expectations may be- miraculous physical healings are, as we all know, rare.

My work as an oncology nurse reveals not only that children themselves are in need of physical healing but also how strongly they wish to intercede for sick loved ones. As a parent I have observed my children’s need to feel “whole”- I’ve often been through heart breaking sadness of holding a tearful child who just “feels sad for no reason”.
Dr Rebecca Nye (“Children’s Spirituality”) has written how our unintentional ‘dumbing down’ of practices may "unintentionally betray a lack of trust in God, in the Christian faith or in the children themselves. This damages the children’s trust, harming the future of our mission.

Is it simply my old worry that noisy children may upset or disturb adults? Giving and receiving the ministry is a very intimate experience and can raise powerful emotions.Those of us who’ve attended services with our children know the tutts and looks given when they are being less than angelic- and the embarrassment. God forbid they might disturb anyone suffering real emotional or physical pain.

If I go back to Jesus’ words from Luke “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.” Jesus himself tells us we have much to learn from our children. Also we read in Mark 9.47 “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.”

Re-reading the “A Time to Heal” handbook children are briefly mentioned, but where they are it is in a
spirit of inclusivity. It’s taken as read that children are part of this ministry. Yes- quiet, contemplative services may not always be the best place to expose them to it, but we all need the Wholeness and Healing of an intimate and personal relationship with Jesus. When this ministry is part of the ‘norm’ of parish worship children will come, be a part of it and this will in turn, I hope, be part of their worship as they grow and have children of their own.

At the end of this month I’m going to talk to our new youth group and the ministry. I want them to know it’s
a ministry for them. It’s about praying for themselves, intercessing for others, and hoping that we can all achieve that wholeness of being that only comes from knowing God as a father, Jesus as a friend, and The Spirit as a constant companion.

How do you think children relate to this ministry and do you think there are other areas we, however unconsciously, feel are ‘adult only'?

All feedback, criticism and words of encouragement are welcome!

Loving Lucy

Well despite my hopes to blog weekly it seems I've been a bit busy of late. Final preparations for my BAP, plus Mike's ongoing health issues and return to work, have meant little time for reflection. Then there was the decision we took to extend our family- Lucy the beagle arrived just over a week ago and in all honesty we already can't imagine our lives without her- we're head over heels and irreversibly in love with this gentle, sleepy and stinky hound.
Mike and I have had family dogs before we were Married, and as a couple we've had a variety of furry rodents. When we 1st moved in with my mum she had two pooches who sadly have now died. We always knew we'd get a dog one day and now seemed the right time.
Years ago, during my early days on HTU, I nursed a patient through chemo and a transplant. Let's call him Clive (not his real name). The main thing I remembered about Clive was his obsessive love for his dog. Years later he was back for a very brief stay but on this admission I learned that Clive was a very committed Christian. He gave me a copy of a book he'd written all about his dog (now sadly dead) and what he believed his relationship with him revealed about God's love. It was a delightful testimonial.
Now with Lucy in my life I understand what Clive meant. There's something about the unconditional love of a dog, the early morning walks in quiet reflection, the joy they show when you come home and the knowledge that they'll never judge you. A dog loves us as we should love God- with unconditional joy.

Job 12:7-10
But ask the animals, and they will teach you; the birds of the air, and they will tell you; ask the plants of the earth, and they will teach you; and the fish of the sea will declare to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of every human being.

Share the Easter Story

So this is it- the final day of Love Life Live Lent and the final day of daily blogging- some folks may be glad of that but I know a lot of my friends have been taking this journey with me or at least following mine each day.
After the solemn nature of Maundy Thursday and Good Friday I have to confess I feel nothing but joy at the anticipation of Easter morning. I'm surrounded by my family (including my brother & his family who're up for the weekend), I'm well fed, warm and I know I'm loved. LLLL has helped me to focus on the world and the people around me, to think about what their needs may be and the small things I can do that might make a difference.
I thank everyone who's said kind things about the blog and I will try to keep it up- though not every day!!
I wish you a joyful Easter filled with love and kindness. Today's task was to send an Easter card so I've doodled one to share with anyone reading this, along with the Easter story.

John 20:18
Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”

Surveying The Wondrous Cross

Today was Good Friday, so the task was to think about Good Friday. I had plenty of opportunity to do this, first at St Michael's Easter Experience (where I was manning a station speaking to folks from toddlers to more mature adults about what the cross means to them, how we share our sorrows and how we can pray for those who are suffering) and secondly in the Christie Hospital chapel at the liturgy for Good Friday service.
It was suggested we make an Easter garden and I had it all planned in my head. That was until work phoned in desperate need of cover for the night shift, so in lieu of a lovingly crafted 3D Easter garden I scribbled a picture of one on my phone.

No scripture today:
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.