Time

In our family, as with so many others, the thing we lack most is time. With working full time, training for the priesthood, two children still in primary school and one curmudgeonly beagle I often feel like I'm pulled in all directions and don't give enough time to any of it.
The people who seem to get the worst end of the deal are the five who love me most- my husband, children and parents. Times when I feel I should be with then I'm often in work or doing homework. If I could give them anything this Christmas it would be more time.
The way my shifts fall this year I will have more time with them Christmas week then I have for many years and I intend to savour each moment as much as I can. I also need to take the time to thank my parents for all they do to ensure my children are in the correct place, clothed and fed when I'm working 12 hour shifts!
I'm so blessed to be so loved but I'm not good at taking time to tell them I feel that way.
Today's task was to think who has been important to you this year and thank them in a Christmas card. I'll be writing my cards this Sunday, but what I need to express far exceeds what I could manage with words.

Balance

The task for today was to clear out a room (or space or cupboard) and give away the things you cleared. Of course I didn't quite achieve this! I did plan how I am going to tidy my dining room and what I'll do the the things currently in it!!
I also made more preserves, apple and rosemary jelly today. This means I've cleared out my jar store and I will be giving away all the preserves I've made as Christmas gifts.
The rest of the day was spent reading in preparation for college tonight where we looked at 1 Corinthians and 2 Corinthians- Interpreting scripture doesn't come easy to me, especially in a classroom environment. Part of what we looked at tonight concerned getting hung up on details rather than concentrating on the bigger picture of God's universal love. We get hung up on the rules, losing sight of what really counts.
I get hung up on the details when it comes to my training rather than the bigger picture of "formation" into (hopefully) a priest. I worry I'm not getting it "right" but then I feel that way about most areas of my life. I want to be the best version of myself, the person God sees I can be, but a big part of that is to do with balance and finding the right balance probably takes a lifetime to learn.

A feast of rich food

Today has been rather lovely. I attended the mid - week eucharist at my placement church, St Matthew's Stretford, this morning and followed that this afternoon by making lots of lovely preserves which I give as Christmas presents. There were more pressing matters- coursework and Sunday's sermon- but I just needed a day for me and for my annual ritual.
One of the readings we had this morning was from Isaiah chapter 25, part of which reads:
"...the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wines, of rich food filled with marrow, of well-aged wines strained clear".
A reminder that God has wonderful things in store for us and wants us to live an abundant life.
The LLLA task for today was thinking back over the year and thanking God for our "best bits". The times I am most thankful for are invariably the shared family times- cuddles, a takeaway, a film- or wine and food shared with friends- cheese, wine and boardgames on my birthday or a summer meal in the garden. It's during these simple times, spent in the company of those I love, that I've felt happiest. I'm thankful for so many other things such as my learning experiences and meaningful connections within my work but home, family, friends and sharing good things, in its simplicity, fills me with joy.

Mini Meltdown

Today it really hit me how unready I am in the practical sense for Christmas, and I'm not faring much better spiritually. Most of my relationship with God at the moment seems to centre around my ordination training which sometimes seems to leave little room for us to simply "be" in relationship together. I need to work hard to prevent this relationship from becoming an academic exercise, to seek a deeper connection and understanding though my assignments and essays.
Another work day today meant not considering my LLLA task until I got home, the task being to set a jar aside to collect loose change though Advent to give to charity. After this I wrote some prayers for tomorrow morning's service. The jar sitting beside me helped to focus my prayers towards who the marginalised are in my town and city and where Jesus might find himself here. So many of us are anticipating what a joy Christmas will be, but for many people this simply isn't the case.

Sacred Space

Today was a work day. A big change between now and when I blogged during Lent is that my work pattern has changed and now a work day means a 12 hour shift. Not much time to consider Advent.
The LLLA action for today is to make a space to think about Advent. This is really hard- there's no space in my house right now, my garden is usually my tranquil place but it's hard to hang out there when it's quite chilly! I use my dining room as office space and have candles and incense in there but it's a work space. Thinking about this today my car is my sacred space. It's about the only place I am every day where I'm alone, can find silence and find prayer easy. I find it easier to think in my car than anywhere else, so that's my special place. It may not be everyone's idea of a sacred space but it works for me.
Finding or making space during Advent, with all its busyness and the directions we're pulled in, is really hard but it's important for me to take time away from that and make space for God, who often gets pushed out.
Working a 12 hour day it can be hard to make space for God but today has been incredibly special. There's been time to stop, to talk and to connect. The day has been punctuated with small spaces.

Love Life Live Advent

Praise the Lord and alleluia! My prayers were answered- instead of being out on a limb, trying to use my own brain each day to think of things to blog throughout Advent, the marvellous folk behind Love Life Live Lent have launched Love Life Live Advent.
Today, Advent Sunday, has been exciting for lots of reasons. It's the first day of the church year so I get to open my shiny new diary- a whole new year of blank pages and possibilities lie ahead. Another new beginning was my children (and four of their friends) taking their first communion, starting the next part of their relationship with God.
LLLA asks us today to think about the church patriarchs- the first generations to whom God made his promise of an intimate relationship. If Advent is the time we Christians use to feel prepared for God coming to live among us it feels right that we start by thinking about Abraham and Sarah as that's where the wait began. God's promise to Abraham was fulfilled in Jesus' birth and the Old Testament, or Hebrew Scriptures, tell the story of a people waiting for that fulfilment.
Our wait through the next few weeks is thankfully shorter and we know when Jesus will come, but one my aims this Advent is to connect with the anticipation of the Hebrew people as they awaited the Messiah.

One Year On

I've not blogged since Easter. Every time I think about it something else pops up and there doesn't seem to be time. I thought that over the summer I might find time to write but changes at work and a modicum of upheaval at home have meant summer has not been what I expected.
This time last year I was fretting over not finding time to complete the pre-course work book I'd been given. Now I'm fretting over the 3000 word assignment due in 5 weeks...and yet...so far, so okay.
I've officially completed my first year of ordination training- 1/3 of the way there. I've not failed anything, I've met every deadline but more importantly I feel as if I'm being formed into something.
So much has happened, I've learned so much (a stark reminder of how much I still don't know) and, perhaps most significantly, met an amazing group of people. When I think about the last 12 months my first thoughts are about people. There's the wider group of people; the Manchester readers and ordinands who meet on Thursday evenings at Luther King House and the 3 year groups of ordinands who meet for residential weekends. Then there's the smaller group, our little group of first years- although I guess we're penultimate years now! Just 8 of us to begin with, we grew to 9 after Christmas and now we're a 18! Over the months we've bonded and learned to trust each other, sharing in something so unique together.
In July we were all at Summer School, 7 days living together in community; sharing meals, worship and a classroom. It was a fantastic opportunity to get to know some of those in the year above, and meet new people on 1 or 2 year pathways.
At times it's been intense, especially at Christmas and Easter- intensely busy times in the secular world married together with the busiest times in family life and church life, now with the added joy of essays!! Yet...there's been no major meltdown and I don't think I've had more than a passing sniffle in almost 12 months.
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at the world through new eyes, more keenly aware of myself and my actions, the joys in life and the struggles of others. I'm especially aware of how little I can do in terms of big changes needed in the world,  so am settling for the small ones. Kindness, fairness, compassion, justice, being an advocate when needed.
Yet...most of the time I'm still just...me. Sweary, easily distracted, irritatingly whimsical, a bit daft, unsure of myself and unsure how on earth I ended up training to be a priest. Maybe we need unholy, uneducated, whimsical priests with a short attention span. I'm sure God knows what he's doing.