The 7th

Give me freedom to grow, so that I may become that self, the seed of which You planted in me at my making.

George Appleton

Advent and Christmas are times we can get so caught up in what we think we should be doing, who we should be and who we're projecting ourselves as. I want to spend time asking who I am, not who do I want to be or do I think I should be.
As a priest I'm often surrounded by people that I feel are far more able, gifted or holy than me. I have to remind myself that God called me to be myself, to bring my gifts and abilities in loving service to the world around me.

Today I found joy in the company of Huw, my parish priest, I was thankful for my ridiculously awesome kids and I felt helpless that my husband didn't get a job he wanted.

Scripture

When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
Jeremiah 29:13; 33:3

The 6th

When I stop at the cross
I can see the love of God.

But I can’t see competition.
I can’t see hierarchy.
I can’t see pride or prejudice
or the abuse of authority.
I can’t see lust for power.
I can’t see manipulation.
I can’t see rage or anger
or selfish ambition.

I can’t see unforgiveness.
I can’t see hate or envy.
I can’t see stupid fighting
or bitterness, or jealousy.
I can’t see empire building.
I can’t see self-importance.
I can’t see back-stabbing
or vanity or arrogance.

I see surrender, sacrifice, salvation,
humility, righteousness, faithfulness, grace, forgiveness, love!

Godfrey Birtill

I love today's meditation; it reminds me of all the things I should reject and by those things I reject shows what and who I am striving to be. If we strive to embody love, to reflect it in all we do, these are the things we must actively turn from.

Scripture
Strengthen the weary hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to the anxious, ‘Be strong, fear not.
Isaiah 35:3-4a

The 5th

God’s endless love contradicts the world and upsets all its pretentious meanings. The world seeks glory, honor, pleasure, pride, freedom from suffering, greed, hatred, resentment...But the God-Man chose utter poverty, insults, torment, ridicule, hunger, and thirst.

Catherine of Siena

I've made a conscious effort to move away from the more commercial side of Christmas to concentrate on keeping it simple; focusing on family, community (church, work and local) and simple pleasures. Finding joy in the small things has made me more content.

Today I found joy in sharing a meal with my family, I was thankful for my husband doing a few small jobs I'd asked him to (it means his mental health is good) and I felt helpless about night shifts cutting short the time I have with my children.

Scripture
By the tender mercy of our God,
    the dawn from on high will break uponaus,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
    to guide our feet into the way of peace.
Luke 1:78-79

The 4th

This is an extract from today's daily meditation from Richard Rohr:

James Finley learned from [Thomas] Merton while living at the Abbey of Gethsemani from 1961-1967. He reflects that Merton believed the world could not survive if religion remained at the clannish level. This false competition doesn’t serve anyone. On the other hand, openness to other traditions can and should deepen our commitment to our own faith and practice. This is one of the primary fruits of obeying Jesus’ simple command to “love our neighbor.” I presume loving others means listening to them and respecting them as brothers and sisters.

The only way we can learn is through an open mind and listening to others. It's fascinating that so many other faiths and traditions have winter festivals- what similarities are there? What's different? I love hearing not only about other people's Christmas traditions but the traditions of other faiths and cultures.
There should always be time for looking outwards at Christmas, assessing the bigger picture, connecting with people, thinking outside of our smaller communities to the bigger things we're a part of. I'm lucky that Manchester is such a diverse city, it's an amazing place to experience. I also work in an incredibly diverse environment with people from all over the world.

Today I felt joyful talking to an old friend, am thankful for my children's health and felt helpless not being able to give my patients the answers they want.

Scripture
I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.’
Psalm 40:8

The 3rd

We have to be candles, burning between hope and despair,
faith and doubt, life and death,
all the opposites.

(William Brodrick)

This is part of today's reflection from The Northumbria Community. The reflections are cyclical so I'm pretty familiar with many of them and this is the section of today's which always stands out for me.
It emphasises for me that life is not dualistic; whilst it lists opposites I believe it means we are forever in motion on the spectrum between the opposites. We are never fully one thing or another. There's also the challenge to be a candle on this spectrum- to both draw people to us and to illuminate.

This is really helpful I think when experiencing advent in our mostly secular country. We're both trying to prayerfully and patiently wait and prepare for Christmas day, and yet we're also caught up in many of the celebrations around us - this doesn't mean we aren't getting spiritually prepared too.

Today I found joy in leading our monthly family service, I was thankful that I'm entering Advent much more at peace than in previous years and I felt helpless over not getting enough sleep.

Scripture:
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ Psalm 31:14

The 2nd

My daughter often tells me she hates silence. I love it. If I had a magic button that could do one thing (I was asked this question in a Facebook group this week) it would cause silence to fall instantly. We need to learn to find space for silence, to not find it scary but comforting; to know it's a place where we can uncover marvellous truths.

Today I found joy in sharing cappuccinos with my family, I was thankful for all four of us being together for the whole weekend and I felt helpless at knowing the busyness of life will return and be unrelenting when I return to work on Monday.

Today’s Meditation:

If I chose to hide you away, it is for a reason.
I have brought you to this place.
Drink in the silence. Seek solitude.

Listen to the silence.

It will teach you. It will build strength
Let others share it with you.
It is little to be found elsewhere.

Silence will speak more to you in a day than the world of voices can teach you in a lifetime.
Find silence. Find solitude – and having discovered her riches, bind her to your heart.

Frances J. Roberts

Scripture:

Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
- James 1:17

The 1st

It's that time of year again where I try to blog each day. I do this for Lent and Advent as it helps me to focus each day on the spiritual preparation that leads up to Easter and Christmas.

I had all sorts of ideas of what I might do for Advent but as the simplest idea is usually the most achievable I'm using Mary Fleeson's Advent prayers and the daily readings and meditations from The Northumbria Community, probably with a bit of Richard Rohr thrown in! Ok, that sounds more complicated than it is.

The prayer card suggests that each day you write down something that makes you joyful, something which you're thankful for and something which you feel helpless about. Whatever your belief system this is a useful way to evaluate and reflect upon your day.

I've been off work all this week to try and prepare myself (both physically by sorting out stuff at home, and mentally by finding some head space) for Advent. For the rest of the world Christmas has already begun, but in my tradition of the Anglican faith, and especially for myself as a priest, it's a time (like Lent) of spiritual preparation, patience, anticipation and waiting.

Four years ago on Advent Sunday I preached my first sermon, all about the anticipation of Advent. It's a difficult balance to find between wanting to celebrate - to immerse myself in the festivities around me - and to keep it as a time of preparation. Chronicling all this in the blog helps me to hold that tension and keep that balance.

Today: I found joy in laughing with my family at the cinema (Paddington 2 - pure distilled joy), I am thankful that I was able to take leave from work this week and I feel helpless about certain unstable world political situations.

Reflection:
Hurry is an unpleasant thing in itself, but also very unpleasant for whoever is around it. Some people came into my room and rushed in and rushed out and even when they were there they were not there – they were in the moment ahead or the moment behind. Some people who came in just for a moment were all there, completely in that moment.

Live from day to day, just from day to day. If you do so, you worry less and live more richly. If you let yourself be absorbed completely, if you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Scripture:
The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself in love. — Galatians 5:6