The 2nd

My daughter often tells me she hates silence. I love it. If I had a magic button that could do one thing (I was asked this question in a Facebook group this week) it would cause silence to fall instantly. We need to learn to find space for silence, to not find it scary but comforting; to know it's a place where we can uncover marvellous truths.

Today I found joy in sharing cappuccinos with my family, I was thankful for all four of us being together for the whole weekend and I felt helpless at knowing the busyness of life will return and be unrelenting when I return to work on Monday.

Today’s Meditation:

If I chose to hide you away, it is for a reason.
I have brought you to this place.
Drink in the silence. Seek solitude.

Listen to the silence.

It will teach you. It will build strength
Let others share it with you.
It is little to be found elsewhere.

Silence will speak more to you in a day than the world of voices can teach you in a lifetime.
Find silence. Find solitude – and having discovered her riches, bind her to your heart.

Frances J. Roberts

Scripture:

Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
- James 1:17

On the fourth day of Christmas...

I was really tired!

Second day back in work and I was woken up at 4.30 am by my daughter being sick. She felt much better afterwards but the prospect of a 12 hour shift ahead of me was rather daunting. As I wrote yesterday I am surrounded by an epic team but what I was grateful for today was Christmas leftovers! I thank God for the abundance of food we're blessed to have, look forward to and which sustains us when all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep.

On the third day of Christmas...

...I was reminded how epic my job is

You never know what's going to happen on the ward between Christmas and New Year, with less planned treatments the unpredictable happens. After four beautiful days off I returned to work apprehensive but was greeted by a day of awesome colleagues, wonderful patients, one of my most favourite doctors and a LOT of festive snacks. Today I thank God for a job I love and being part of a wonderful team.

On the first day of Christmas....

I got a spring in my step

The service at St Michael's this morning was so joyful that I couldn't help but have a spring in my step! I appreciate all that was good about today and give God thanks for my family and home.

Be More Thankful

I really was thankful when I ate today, because due to caring for a very sick patient, it was past 4pm when I ate my lunch. I felt myself very hard done by, but as I thanked God I was reminded of all those who can't or won't eat- those without food, those with eating disorders, people effected by famine or people too sick to eat. I'm incredibly lucky and for that I'm truly thankful.

1 chronicles 16.34
O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
   for his steadfast love endures for ever.

Think more positively

Hopefully most people that know me would agree I'm a fairly positive person. I don't think I'm much of a wallower (although I can be rather irritable and grumbly) and, generally, when adversity is thrown my way I tackle it head on. I think I'm an incredibly fortunate person so this makes me incredibly grateful and thankful.
My husband is a pessimist who believes I have enough positivity for us both. I like to think we complement each other!
When applying to be selected for ordination you have to write out a list of all the major events in your life which have affected, shaped and formed you into the person you are. I found this the most difficult part of the entire process but it made me realise two things.
Firstly it's our negative experiences, and our response to them, which affect and shape us the most. Secondly I'm really thankful for those negative experiences because without them I'd not be me.
Bad things happen, bad things happen all the time for no apparent reason- working with life limiting illnesses makes that more than apparent- but I'd much rather be a "why not me" person than a "why me" person.

Be More Thankful

The task today was to thank God for our meals. The kids were really thankful for their cocopops this morning! I was a bit more of a failure than them as I kept forgetting until after I'd eaten.
When we sit down at the table all together we say a grace, but with the busyness of our lives this is a rare occurance. I'm at work four evenings a week and college on one so that leaves just two evenings to be together at home- one of which is swimming lesson night, after which our meal is usually very informal. This leaves just one potential evening for us all to sit at the table together.
After remembering to thank God for my food today I also prayed for the people who had been involved in producing, transporting and selling it. As I sipped my Earl Grey my thoughts remained on the tea pickers. Many earn as little as 12p an hour and there are strong links with the slave trade as girls are lured away from their low paid jobs by the empty promise of something better, or families who cannot afford to keep their children sell them.
I pray to God for a living wage for the tea pickers.

Be More Grateful

Saying thank you and appreciating the people around us is a really easy thing to neglect. I feel like I'm always too busy to slow down and appreciate people for who they are or what they do- I'm not always that good at thanking God either.
Life moves at such a pace that opportunities to thank people can be missed, so having to make space to thank someone for no reason other than to let them know they are appreciated is a powerful and positive thing. They feel loved and you feel good- win!
The kids were adorable but lazy and said thank you to me. I said a special thank you to someone who has made the last six months of ordination training a joy when it could have been otherwise, but I'd also like to say thank you to everyone who reads my blog- especially if you actually enjoy it!!

Positive Thinking

Thinking positively is something I hope I try to do every day, it doesn't however come quite so easily to the rest of the Jenkies. Getting them to make a list of the good things in their lives hopefully helped them to see that they're not so hard done by.
I am so grateful for my life and feel blessed in a thousand ways. It's easy to forget all the small things, but they are often the most important.

Psalm 9:1
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.

God bless our bellies

Very quick blog today- working night shifts over the weekend has taken its toll. Usually after my final night shift I'd go to bed for three to four hours, get up around one and then go back to bed at the usual hour. Due the my inability to join the dots I ended up meeting an examining chaplain this morning, a very delightful gentleman, which was the next step in the Anglican discernment process for ordained ministry. The short version is the meeting was kind of a big deal. It went ok in the circumstances.
Our Lent task for the day was to thank God for our food. I thanked him for my cereal bar when I got in from work, the sandwich Mike got me on return from the meeting and the biryani I had this evening.
Faith and Jacob thanked God for their school dinner. Jacob was thankful with his best friend Freddie. Faith was grateful even though she thought the pasta was rubbish, because someone still took the trouble to make it and some people in the world didn't have any dinner today. I love my kids.

Thank God

Today I had everything planned. We were asked to say thank you to someone and I had decided that we would make thank you cards for my mum who does so much for the kids and myself. That was the plan until something very unexpected happened.Tod, our four year old degu died very unexpectedly in the night.
We were up a bit late this morning and some friends were coming round so I hadn't really been in the conservatory where Tod lived, with his brother Smiley. The kids had mentioned that Tod was still in bed but no one thought anything of it until my husband looked a little closer.
There had been no warning signs- he'd been as chipper as ever last night and Mike had left the two boys snuggled up together and squeaking when he'd come up to bed.
Both children were very tearful but Faith especially was hit hard- Tod was hers (and Smiley is Jacob's)- telling me she just wants him to be alive again and how she doesn't feel like herself anymore. All I can do is hold her and tell her that one day it won't hurt quite so much, but I can't take away her tears today.
So we decided to say thank you to Tod, for being part of our lives and bringing us so much joy. We've written a short tribute to him and have a prayer ready for his funeral tomorrow in our back garden.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord

Proverbs 12:10
The righteous know the needs of their animals