More Than Enough

Both of our readings this morning (Isaiah 55.1-5 & Matthew 14.13-21)- focus on active displays of God’s overwhelming abundance and generosity, and in particular what God does with very little, the abundance God creates, as we see a few fish and loaves transformed into a meal which feeds thousands, with enough leftovers to feed many more. 

I want to give a bit of context to the gospel passage because it helps set the scene a little and also acts as a contrast to how we see God work in the reading.

Jesus is seeking solitude as he’s just learned about the death of John the Baptist and needs some space to process that. John is killed after the events at Herod’s birthday celebration, an event which acts as a contrast to Jesus’s actions here. Herod’s party is hollow, shallow and elitist. It results in life being taken. Compare this to how Jesus cares and nurtures and feeds; no one is turned away, he sustains and nourishes in a way which lasts.

As the huge crowd of people try to follow Jesus as he retreats in his grief we see something I talked about recently in an online service- splagthnizomai: bowels of mercy. A physical, visceral response. Jesus is physically moved in the very core of his being to feel compassion for the crowd. 

This is Jesus who is trying to process his own grief and loss and yet still has it within himself to act with the utmost compassion and care towards those who have sought him out, who want or need something from him. And he gives it.

He talks and he teaches, he heals. He gives them what they need. By this point it’s really late and the disciples are thinking “job done, time to send them away”. But Jesus says no. you feed them. It’s like the worse case scenario of someone popping round for tea and having nothing in.

You can only imagine what the disciples must have thought, looking out over that crowd, and if you think, the 5000 was only the men, not counting women and children, there must have been upwards of 10,000 people there with a conservative estimate.

How do you feed 10,000 plus people? What on earth must the disciples have thought of Jesus? But Jesus knew they could do it, because more than anyone Jesus knows and demonstrates the character of God; he knows God is generous and compassionate and that is what is revealed by what followed

Jesus takes what can be found, he looks to heaven and then he blesses, breaks and shares what’s before him. That eucharistic imagery is not a coincidence, these are the actions Jesus will repeat at the Last Supper, the actions I will perform this morning. These actions have, until recently, punctuated our lives as members of a church community where communion is central to our worship- for some of us that has been through our entire life, and to have that denied to us through lockdown has been very painful indeed. 

It’s an example of our God and our faith as physical and practical. We have an incarnate God and an embodied faith. This gospel story of meeting need with abundance is an example of what Angus Ritchie means when he wrote “Eucharistic worship must lead on to truly eucharistic lives. Such lives will exhibit that “freedom from self-concern” which enables us to see our neighbour as a gift and not an interruption”

The disciples probably saw the crowd as an interruption, but Jesus, even in the midst of his own pain, saw them as a gift, and a gift through which he chose to reveal even more of God’s character.

So now we’ve reached a day where it’s possible to once more share in God’s abundance and for some of us to be able to share communion once more, but it’s important to remember that’s still not the case for everyone. We have many vulnerable members of this community for whom returning to the church building isn’t the right thing yet. I think it must be incredibly difficult for those of you who aren’t able to share in that act.

I hope we can be fortified in knowing that even if we can’t share in the elements, our worship, this worship we share today, is still eucharistic, and as Rosalind Brown reminds us the Eucharist is about God’s care for the world. We pray for the world though our eucharistic prayer and we pray that this directs our own actions:

"Lord of all life, help us to work together for that day when your Kingdom comes, and justice and mercy will be seen in all the earth." 

"Send us out in the power of your Spirit to live and work to your praise and glory;" 

"May we who share Christ's body live his risen life, we who drink his cup bring life to others, we whom the Spirit lights give light to the world."

Like the bread and fish Jesus gathers up, we too are taken by Jesus, blessed, broken and shared for the world. No matter how little we think we are or how little we feel we have to give, the words of our prayers and nature of our worship are shaped to remind us that our little, through God, is enough, is more than enough. We’re what God uses to sustain others, even if we feel very small and inadequate. 

Even if we can’t share in the fullness of a communion service as we once knew it we can share our fully eucharistic lives, knowing that whatever we offer to God will be multiplied and used to magnify and glorify God’s love in our world. 

And through our prayers for the world God directs us towards those people who surround us, who are a gift to us, and God continues to show his abundant and excessive love, where all are filled and there’s always enough to share and there’s always more than enough left over. Amen.

Celtic Lent Day 15

We must not grow weary in doing little things for the love of God, who looks not to the greatness of the deed, but to the love. Some failure at the start should not dismay us. Habit comes finally, and that produces the action without our thinking about it, and with wondrous joy.
Brother Lawrence.

We've just got back from seeing the latest Marvel film, Black Panther. Without wanting to give spoilers away there's a point where a character choses love of their country over their lover. It does make you think about the nature of love, in all its guises, and whether one sort is greater than another. I'm not sure if I have an answer to that, only that we are beings made for love. This can actually make us selfish, as we think of the world in terms of how things effect the people or things we love most, caught up in our own happiness; but it can also make us generous-hearted, hospitable and open-minded as love as an action, not a feeling, radiates out from us and effects the world around us.

Scripture
Sow for yourselves righteousness;
   reap steadfast love;
   break up your fallow ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord,
   that he may come and rain righteousness upon you. 
Hosea 10.12

Act 33 - Hats Off

If there's one thing 40 acts has highlighted, when it comes down to it, it's nice to be nice. It benefits you and more importantly other people. If we were all just a littke bit nicer the world might look an awful lot different. This is all summed up in the gospel reading that goes with today's act:

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’

  Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’ 

(Matthew 22:34–40 NIV)

As I believe that is the central message of our faith it seems like an appropriate place to bow out of 40 Acts. I'm off to Easter School this morning - 5 days of education followed by 3 days of retreat. I'm back on Easter Day, but will be stepping back from social media until then.
I hope you have a blessed and peaceful holy week, feeling God's presence alongside you as you walk through the days until next Sunday.

Act 32 - Anon

Are we any good at performing acts of generosity from which there will be zero reward? Is part of what feels good knowing other people will think well of us? Churches are full of plaques, plates and engravings which tell us which individuals donated the money to pay for beautiful windows, the new font, the organ restoration etc.
Are we really ok with only God knowing what we've done? There's so many issues Jesus wasn't clear on, but charity isn't one of them:

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

(Matthew 6:3–4 NIV)

Act 31 - Beeline

Got to admit today's act made me feel very uncomfortable. I'm a card carrying certified introvert so the thought of talking to strangers fills me with anxiety. The exception to this is in my work. I don't know whether this is because I feel completely comfortable in my work environment, probably much more comfortable than any strangers I encounter there, but I also wonder if it has something to so with being in uniform.
I've often thought about how my social anxiety will impact upon my ministry once I'm ordained- will the dog collar - the uniform - actually help rather than hinder?

His disciples said, ’What are you talking about? With this crowd pushing and jostling you, you’re asking, “Who touched me?” Dozens have touched you!’ (Mark 5:31 The Message)

Act 28 & 29 - Show & Tell & BOGOF

Got behind for the first time, which isn't bad going when I think about how hectic the last 2 weeks have been.

I have to be honest I couldn’t think of a skill I have that I could share with someone else, or something useful to write about that without it sounding like false modesty. I'm a pretty average girl who has never shone at any particular thing, and I'm really ok with that. Our culture teaches us that we're all special, and in terms of how God sees us that's true, but it's also ok to just be average, to not "be the best". Of course if anyone would like the loan of my husband with one of his many amazing skills it can be arranged!
My own greatest skill is passion and enthusiasm, a love of and duty towards the things I do, especially my work. I don't know how to teach that but I believe it can be infections, reflected in the fact that about 7 nurses who were students under me have gone on to work on my unit.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

(1 Peter 4:10 NIV)

Being a disorganised duo, as we are, we often lose things and end up buying another, part of my intended post-training blitz and de-stuffing of the house is to give away anything we have two of.

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. (Matthew 25:35 NIV)

Act 27 - Worth the wait

I have no idea where it came from - might have been a tv show - but I once heard that to see what a person is really like look at how they treat a waiter.
At work I have a lot of time for the people who appear to do the most functional jobs- especially the domestic staff and porters. It's amazing what spending a few minutes learning people's names and chatting with them can do to make them feel valued- they're working as hard as anyone else but rarely with the same recognition as the health professionals I work with. Every single person in our organisation is as important as each other- if just one area of staff were missing the place would not function.

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  

(John 13:14–15)

Act 26 - Bake on

Today I was absolutely gutted to not get my bake-on on. All day I had planned to make brownies but it never happened, and then I ran out of time to pop to the shop. What my disappointment helped me do was focus upon how difficult it will be to do 40 Acts when I go to Easter School from the 19th up until Easter Sunday. So I'm planning an Easter school generosity kit- cards, treats, booze, pens...whatever small thing I can think of to spread generosity. We're in a tricky place course-wise; weariness has set in. We have the weight of responsibility and accountability knowing we'll be ordained in 3 months, yet still have assignments and tutorials to complete. Then there's the practical stuff such as getting vestments and organising the appropriate paperwork. TLC is required, so Easter School generosity here I come.

Act 19 - Daily Grind

I spent most of today driving. I did try and be generous whilst driving - I'm not always very generous behind the wheel (one reason I have no christian symbols on my car!). When I listen to the long list of accidents and delays on the radio - and especially when the weather is as unpleasant for driving as yesterday - I wonder how much our lack of generosity to fellow road-users contributes. We don't always view other drivers as being just like us, we tut and judge but rarely put ourselves in their position. Where are they going? Why are they rushing? And what if they're driving in a way we find frustrating? We're so focused on our own little bubble- where are we going? How long will it take? - that the people we're sharing the travelling space with become inconveniences.
Despite the weather and tight time frame my drive yesterday was actually ok, because taking the time to drive more generously made me more chilled and prepared to face whatever happened on the journey. I'm sure there's a sermon in this somewhere!

‘He will reply, ”Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.”' (Matthew 25:45 NIV)

Act 17 - Propose

The idea of today being a 'free' day due to the leap year is an interesting one, because it isn't. It's still a Monday, the kids had to go to school, my husband had to work an early shift and I had to work on an assignment. The time we have is all marked out, portioned off and given away. Before we know it, it's time for bed and my head has turned towards tomorrow. Day in, day out. Time is precious.

I recently listened to a podcast which spoke about how we spend our time (it might have been a Robcast) and a very interesting point was made; time is the one commodity we have that we cannot get back, so what we choose to do with it is so important- there's no buying more or topping it up. It made me reflect upon how many years of my life I and my friends have given to training for the priesthood, and how glad I am to spend my precious time this way. It also made me ponder upon the ways I waste time. Which activities are really worth spending something so precious upon?

Gandalf, in Tolkien's Lord of The Rings (sorry- I'm a geek), tells Frodo "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us". Wise words indeed. Today I took just a few moments of time to let a few folk who I've been praying for know they were in my thoughts. No big generous gesture, just small stuff, but small stuff matters too.

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing’ (Matthew 6:3) and ‘Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you’ (Matthew 5:42 NIV).

Act 15 - More

Today I had many opportunities to be generous and didn't take them. There was ample chance to give more and I didn't. At the end of the day they left me feeling lousy. Some days are like that - more selfish - but all it did was leave me with a sense of disappointment at wasted opportunity and disappointment in myself.
Yet people were generous to me- it all sorts of ways; kind words, a discount at lunch, time spent listening and a really big box of M&Ms!!
Being generous works guys! It benefits others and ourselves, whilst squandering a chance to be generous helps no one and leaves us unsatisfied.

I know how to get along and live humbly [in difficult times], and I also know how to enjoy abundance and live in prosperity. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret [of facing life], whether well-fed or going hungry, whether having an abundance or being in need. I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfil His purpose – I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.] (Philippians 4:12–13 AMP)

Act 12 - #ChocolateTuesday

Short but sweet tonight- tomorrow I'm taking #ChocolateTuesday to work...but by then it'll be #ChocolateWednesday. Never mind. Still chocolate.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22–23 ESV)

Act 9 - Dial Up

Prayer is such an easy generous way of helping someone, and they don't even have to know. There's so many people we meet who really wouldn't appreciate it if we told them we were praying for them, some might even be angry at the mention of it...so don't tell them. Prayer need only be between us and God. A very humbling thing is to pray for complete strangers- those we pass in the street or queue next to, or even park next to in traffic. Pray for someone you're angry with! It's amazing what that does for those feelings of irritation and frustration.
Our prayers tonight were for everyone who had spared a thought or kind word for our beautiful dog, Lucy, who went to sleep today. The generosity of people to stand with us in our grief, share a kind word and send us prayers hasn't eased our sadness but has helped us see the joy that Lucy brought in her three years with us.

This went on for two years, so that all the Jews and Greeks who lived in the province of Asia heard the word of the Lord. (Acts 19:10 NIV)

Act 5 - Quiche

An act of generosity can be something incredibly simple. There's five of us in our house - myself, my husband, the two kids and my mum. My mum is wonderful. She does my washing, my washing up, looks after the dog whilst I'm at work and feeds the family on the days when I'm working.
Today was a very odd day as I was only working a half shift, meaning I was home by three. Whilst my mum often feeds us we very rarely return this, so as soon as I read today’s act I texted mum and told her I would cook this evening for us all. No grand gesture but something very much appreciated, and a reminder that I should do it far more often.
The title of my blog was in part inspired by how much I love baking for people as a gesture of generosity, hospitality and love. My ordination training has meant this has very much been neglected. I feel it's time to get my bake-on once more......

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, ‘Take and eat; this is my body.’ (Matthew 26:26 NIV)

Be More Generous

I like this task as it gives me a chance to use my imagination. I decided a couple of weeks ago who would be the recipient of my random gift, which I won't get to give until Friday, but it's all ready.
Generosity is such an amazing thing because everyone involved wins! The receiver of generosity feels good, which makes the giver of generosity feel good. I do honestly feel happier when I give something, it's a wonderful and peculiar sort of magic. For it to be a random gift- no expectation on either side- is even better. Giving just for sake of being generous. That's how I believe God gives, and delights when we do the same.

2 Corinthians 8:7
Now as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in utmost eagerness, and in our love for you—so we want you to excel also in this generous undertaking.

Be More Giving

Confession time- I have a large jar half-filled with loose change that I started to fill during Love Life Live Advent that is still sat in my hallway...so now I maybe get the chance to fill it to the top during Lent! The children want the money to go to the hospital where I work.
I think, on the whole, we can be quite a generous nation. We only need to look at the money Comic Relief, Sport Relief and Children in Need raise to confirm this. We don't all have money to give, yet LLLL throughout Lent gives us so many suggestions of other things we can give- time, kindness, a smile, hospitality. There are so many ways in which, with a little thought, we can be generous to each other.
A world where generosity of spirit was prized over all else would look like a rather spectacular thing.

john 2:9-10
When the steward tasted the water that had become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward called the bridegroom and said to him, ‘Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have now become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until .’

Be More Generous

I must admit I don't feel very generous today. I feel tired, run down and thoroughly worn out. I have an essay to finish, sermon to write and Lent breakfast to lead. Then I have a retreat to go on where I'm supposed to put all this out of my mind, and because of that I can't attend my nieces baptism this weekend.
I worked a 14 hour day today and thought I'd completely fail today's task- until I remembered that I'd randomly bought a present for my husband, for no reason, which never happens (it's a Qwertee t-shirt).
I've mentioned before in my blog that my husband gets a raw deal when it comes to my time and affection, so it felt good to buy him something for no reason, with no purpose other than for him to feel a little more appreciated. The upside of this was I felt better because I'd done something lovely for someone- random acts of generosity definitely benefit to giver as well as the recipient. Doing good feels good!

2 corinthians 8:7

Now as you excel in everything...so we want you to excel also in this generous undertaking.

Be More Giving

Today has been so full- there's been so much to do and so much to think about.
Today's action was to set aside a jar for loose change to donate to charity and the kids decided they want to give the money to cancer research. As I work in oncology I was really pleased with their choice.

The Bible passage on today's LLLL page is all about the wedding at Cana and the overwhelming generosity God displayed. It's a reminder that there's ways I can be generous that don't involve money. A phrase I've heard, don't particularly like, but feel applies to me is "time poor". With my work, family and ordination training I have to choose really carefully how I'm going to spend my time and something always gets neglected.
On Sunday, whilst working a 13 1/2 hour shift at work, I found out my children had been asked to dress up for World Book Day- which is today. I had a mild panic knowing that between Sunday and today I was only not in work on Monday morning, but needed to shop then. How on earth was I going to sort costumes?! Things like this happen all the time and I can often feel that I'm not giving my children enough of my time. They did, thankfully, mainly sort their own costumes (with a bit of help from dad) and I sent a panda and Emmet the Lego guy happily to school.

Later on years 3, 4, 5 and 6 from the school joined us in church for a teaching Eucharist service where I preached about LLLL and each child was given a prayer card based on it's principles.
Tonight I was back in college after the half term break, where I was reminded that I'm not the only one struggling with time.

So how on earth do I give more of the thing I haven't got? I want to give more time to my family and my friends but I don't have it to offer them. I don't have an answer to this but as part of my challenge I can think about how I'm spending my time and what my priorities are.

John 2.9-10: When the steward tasted the water that had become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward called the bridegroom and said to him, ‘Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until now.’

Be More Imaginative

Putting imagination into gift buying was the task for today- to find out what someone has given up for Lent and buy it for them as a gift.
Well my chosen victims aren't on Facebook or Twitter but all I can say is that someone's getting a big bag of sugar on Monday morning- oh and there may be excessive amounts of red wine when we have guests for tea next Friday.

Psalm 37:21
The wicked borrow, and do not pay back, but the righteous are generous and keep giving

Be More Generous

I was very excited about today's task as it involved giving someone we know a small gift. It's actually quite difficult to pick out one person in our lives to give a gift to. Should it be one of our parents who do so much for us? A supportive friend? Someone who's going through a tough time? Someone who serves our community?
Then when you've chosen a person what do you give? Wine? Flowers? Chocolate?
We decided to give our gift to someone in need of a pick-me-up and a reminder that they are appreciated. Our lovely priest, Vicky, has been rather under the weather recently and has now come down with laryngitis- not great for a vicar to have no voice! To help cheer her up we gave her a bottle of real ale- which she's particularly fond of.
It feels lovely to be more generous- I would urge everyone to give an unexpected gift. The joy you get from giving is so unique and delightful.

Acts 20:35
It is more blessed to give than to receive