Our Relationship Begins Here

I had the honour of preaching at the Ascension Day service

When I first started to come to St Michael’s Mike and I sat in this side aisle, so each week we were looking directly at the Ascension window. It was probably the first thing within the fabric of the church that I ever used for prayerful contemplation. It’s so beautiful, and the colours so vivid. When the sun shines through it, it takes on a magical and mystical quality, which I’m sure is what the artist was aiming for. I never, back then, thought much about the meaning of the Ascension, but of the ethereal beauty of the window.

The Ascension itself is nothing if not magical and mystical. It’s probably one of the most if not the most supernatural elements of the gospels, and that’s understandable as Jesus moves from the earthly realm to the heavenly one. And yet it’s quite tricky to get your head around. What we see in our window and in other art is the artists earth-bound imagination trying to literally depict a holy mystery, but kind of ends up looking more like Mary Poppins, floating above the clouds.

I think part of the problem is the linear way we think about heaven and earth. Heaven is above and earth is below. God up there and mere mortals down here. Up is good and down is bad. Even further down in this linear thinking is hell, super bad. It’s no exaggeration that the first astronauts thought they might glimpse heaven as they ascended beyond the earth’s atmosphere.

Celebrating Ascension day is a good thing because it’s a time be reminded of and ponder upon several things. 

Firstly, it’s a reminder that Jesus’ story and ministry in the gospels don’t end at the cross or even with the resurrection. He spent anther 40 days preparing the disciples for what lay ahead of them, and their stories will continue way beyond this. And our relationship with Jesus is only beginning here.

Secondly, as Jesus disappears from view it’s a reminder that there is so much about God which remains a holy mystery. Yes, our God is the God who became incarnate and dwelt among us, but there is, as David Bryant writes, a built-in invisibility, incomprehensibility, and otherness about God.

Finally it gives us an opportunity to contemplate what it means to have Jesus having been fully human, living amongst us, suddenly return to his place as the eternal Christ at God’s right hand, and the good news is that the last thing it makes Jesus is absent from us.

To understand this we need to stop thinking of heaven as a physical place up there. Heaven is God’s realm and exists alongside us. When Jesus was earthbound as a human man it revealed to us so much of what God and God’s realm are like, but during that time he was subject to the rules of time and space which God has built into creation. He lived amongst us but was limited to being present to such a small number of people.

In ascending, David Bryant continues, Jesus is no longer time-bound, culturally limited, and lumbered with the ethics and thought-forms of his day. He has taken on cosmic significance, and become universal, transcendent, and beyond time.

It’s by ascending that Jesus becomes accessible to each and every one of us. Far from being absent, the Jesus who has lived amongst us now sits and intercedes for us in God’s realm. The Jesus who has lived our lives, knows our joys and our sorrows takes all those joys and sorrows back to our Father and creator.

If we think of the readings we have at Michaelmas we have Jacob’s dream – the ladder between heaven and earth, then we have the Gospel where Jesus states he is now that ladder, the link between the earthly realm and the Heavenly realm.

In the ascension we have this revealed to us in an incredibly  dramatic and poetic way. It’s not just Jesus waving goodbye, it’s his anointing and his coronation, as he takes his place in the heavenly realm as King, High Priest, and Intercessor.

23rd December 2018

This morning's sermon, based upon Luke 1.39-55

In those days Mary set out and went with haste to a Judean town in the hill country,where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the child leapt in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and exclaimed with a loud cry, ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And why has this happened to me, that the mother of my Lord comes to me? For as soon as I heard the sound of your greeting, the child in my womb leapt for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfilment of what was spoken to her by the Lord.’
 And Mary said,
‘My soul magnifies the Lord, 
   and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour,
for he has looked with favour on the lowliness of his servant.
   Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed; 
for the Mighty One has done great things for me,
   and holy is his name. 
His mercy is for those who fear him
   from generation to generation. 
He has shown strength with his arm;
   he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. 
He has brought down the powerful from their thrones,
   and lifted up the lowly; 
he has filled the hungry with good things,
   and sent the rich away empty. 
He has helped his servant Israel,
   in remembrance of his mercy, 
according to the promise he made to our ancestors,
   to Abraham and to his descendants for ever.’

This gospel reading is something is rare and so magnificent that it makes my heart want to burst. Two named female characters are interacting with each in the bible. As a woman, to read this is so affirming and empowering. Only 86 women speak in the whole of the bible, and nearly half of them are unnamed, only 8% of named bible characters are women.

It’s understandable that the bible has come to us in this form, it was formed in a patriarchal society where woman were essentially property and commodities, then we have two thousand years of male-dominated church life.

And two thousand years of this story being interpreted through the male gaze. Now we each interpret things out of who we are and where we are, where we’re standing is our lens into the world but for so long women weren’t in a position to be scholars, teachers and theologians.

This means that so much of our inherited church history, theology and doctrines have come almost solely from a male perspective. This hasn’t always worked out so well for us women. We’ve been taught that our place is second to a man’s; our needs, thoughts and feelings are second.

This can be uncomfortable hearing in our modern, more liberal world but one which I think will resonate with the women of our community.

In tradition this is the story of Mary meek and mild, obedient to God’s will, meeting her cousin Elizabeth, equally obedient, her only longing to be a mother. Two perfect examples of godly, dutiful women. But that’s not the story I see. The story I see is so much better than that.

Elizabeth, the older cousin, has had to endure so much. Her worth in her society has been measured by her ability to bear her husband’s children, and she’s failed. She knows she is more than that, has so much more to give the world, but this is the role carved out for her and she’s been made to feel ashamed by it.

Then, the miracle happens, after so long, and she’s terrified. She knows the odds, the risk to her own life and the child. Her age is very much against her.

Mary is at the opposite end of the scale- a teenager expected to be a virgin for her husband on her wedding day. The whispers have already started, there’s something going on between her and Joseph, looks like the wedding might need to be brought forward if you know what I mean.

I don’t seek Mary as meek and mild but ridiculously strong, she’s probably barely older than my daughter, she knew having a child might cause Joseph to abandon her and she would then have her community shun and shame her as an unwed mother.

The narrative today brings these two strong, faithful women together, Elizabeth overwhelmed at the realisation that her teenage cousin is carrying the messiah. This young girl had the creator of the universe within her. In the orthodox tradition she is the Theotokos, God-barer.

As Mary and Elizabeth embrace each other, their shared bond doesn’t leave them speechless as out of Mary’s lips comes one of the most powerful and enduring songs in all of scripture. She sings of God’s greatness, her own blessedness and of God’s thirst for justice and equality. In this we see why God would choose Mary to guide and parent his son. She knows God, understands God’s character and drive, she gets it in a way that the male priests, scribes and pharisees- those revered by society- never will.

I also want to be clear that these women have agency in their stories. If they had said “no” to God it would have been very different. They knew that they were letting themselves in for some potentially very trouble times. So why did they do it? Because they trusted God, because they saw a bigger picture, and because if God thought they were capable of doing this then just maybe God was right. That had trust and faith.

Women are still far less likely to push ourselves forward for promotions and pay rises, less likely to talk ourselves up, say what we’re good at, less likely to think “I can do that”. Men, statistically are more likely to wing it, take a chance, not sure if they can do something but they’ll give it a go.

The still present gender biases in media, reporting, schools, our very conversations with each other still promote this. We tell a girl she’s pretty instead of smart, we tell a boy to be strong instead of saying it’s ok to feel.

In Marianne Williamson’s magnificat, her celebration of God-breathed humanity she says:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

This is what Elizabeth and Mary do, they shine. They become the women, the people, God knows they can be. And this is what’s asked of each of us. God wants us- needs us- to shine; wherever we are and whoever we are, no matter what our gender. God tells Mary and Elizabeth they’re amazing and they don’t brush it off with modesty, they accept it and they own it. They believe in God and they trust God. And they change the world.

The central Advent narrative that has struck me this year is that God is before all things, after all things and within all things. Each molecule of creation contains a divine spark, and that includes us, a spark that’s just waiting to be acknowledged so it can become a flame, and that flame wants to shine for all to see. So my friends, go and shine, be fabulous, be who God intends you to be in this world.

Amen.

22nd December 2018

It's amazing how quickly the seasonal anxiety can creep back in, despite yesterday's calmness. I worked all day today, still feeling ok, but when I arrived back home I became overwhelmed. The pressure we put on ourselves is crazy.

My aim is to remain focused on the only thing that matters this season. Yes I have a jobs list to work through but I need to remember we're preparing to celebrate, to feast, to share love and friendship and to welcome God again.

Lord, may my deepest good intentions lead to acts of love. Then the grieving I feel right now can be transformed into comfort and rest...Jesus, my friend, You are the highest humility. Give me a great love tonight. As Your birthday nears, give me rich gifts, and listen to me with Your unending compassion.
Umiltà of Faenza

Those who go out weeping, bearing the seed, will come back with shouts of joy,
bearing their sheaves with them
Psalm 126.7

21st December 2018

I started today badly. There was so much I wanted to achieve but I had a four hour commitment to help with a Christmas-themed meditation labyrinth as part of the chaplaincy team. I rushed around taking children to school, making Christmas truffles and then getting myself over to the hospital. As I stood in the lift up to the area we were holding the labyrinth I was worried we were wasting our time and I prayed, very simply, for God to be present and to use this time.

The experience was stunning. We had a steady flow of visitors, staff and patients, who engaged with the labyrinth and other mindfulness activities. As someone stepped onto the labyrinth they were told to do so with intention, the labyrinth is asking us "what do you want me to do for you?" as Jesus asks Bartimaeus.

It took me a couple of hours to fix my mind upon what I wanted from the labyrinth, but it struck me that what I needed was peace and perspective, and that's what I received.

I still get caught up so much in the "I shoulds" of Christmas that I still lose sight of the one thing thst matters and that's love, love divine, love so strong that the divine creator came to live a human life.

Love, I love You because You’re full of joy! You’re a Mother nourishing the kindnesses in us as if we are children at Your breast (and we are). You’re rich beyond anything I can ever imagine. You’re so rich that the soul clothed in You can never be poor. You share Your every gift with us and even give our souls Your beauty because You make us one with You. St. John tells us that God is love, and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
Catherine of Siena.

For my kindred and companions’ sake,
I will pray that peace be with you.
Psalm 122.8

20th December 2018

There is something about simply sitting still, quietly attentive to your breathing, that tends to evoke less agitated, less thought-driven modes of meditative awareness. When this shift . . . embodies a sincere desire for God, a new capacity to realize oneness with God begins to emerge. Resting in this awareness offers the least resistance to God. 
James Finlay

With do few days left before Christmas day it feels like there's very little time for quiet and stillness. I need to finish presents, wrap things, finish sermons, work some shifts...it's a real discpline to remember to make space for God in all that, but if I don't then who am I actually preparing for?

Today I was joyful to have  brunch with friends, thankful that school holidays have arrived and helpless that I can't take stress away from the rest of my household.

I, I am he who comforts you;
Isaiah 51.12

19th December 2018

Crazy busy day, the sort of day where you can beat yourself up about not doing better, being better or achieving more. The sort of day where you focus on the shortcomings rather than the achievements. I have a lot of those days, yet I'm always telling others to be kind to themselves. I think we're often better at giving advice than heeding it, caring for others than self-care.

I will take God’s kind judgment of me any day over my usually harsh judgment of myself. I will take God’s image of me any day, which is always patient and merciful, over my neighbor’s rashly formed image of me. God always sees his son, Jesus, in me, and cannot not love him!
Richard Rohr

Today I felt joyful because it's the time of year when former patients come back looking marvellous with Christmas treats, I felt thankful for our gorgeous new staff- just lovely, and I felt helpless...well see above...at what I didn't achieve.

Look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug. 
Isaiah 51.1

18th December 2018

Just a quick one tonight as it's been a busy one and I'm up at 5am.

Today I felt joyful catching up with friends over lunch, thankful about the direction my sermon (for Sunday) ended up going in and helpless that I won't get enough sleep tonight.

I am a mass of contradictions and yet I am also a saint. I am a very good person, and I am also a sinful person. I get it and yet I oppose it too. Are both of those true? Yes, both are always and forever true, and for some wonderful reason that is what God loves. Faith is to personally surrender to such a mystery—not on a theoretical level, but right inside ourselves on a daily level.
Richard Rohr

Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, beloved, to admonish the idlers, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with all of them. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all.
1 Thessalonians 5.13b-15 

17th December 2018

Today was a day of preparation; sweet treats, Christmas cards and sorting stuff out. Tomorrow I'll write my Christmas sermons and have a festive lunch with my ministry colleagues. 

I'm at the stage where I have no idea what my sermons will be; I never know and it's the most stressful part of being a priest for me. I always feel that nothing will come, that I don't have the gifts for it, but something does always appear, God working through me as through each of us.
God uses us to reach out and make connections. Whoever and wherever we are we all have to ability to connect with others, to share kindness and loveliness.

Today I felt joyful making up a silly gecko song with my son, thankful for some family time and helpless about our government.

The more that we can put together, the more that we can “forgive” and allow, the more we can include and enjoy, the more we tend to be living in the Spirit. The more we need to reject, oppose, deny, exclude and eliminate, the more open we are to negative and destructive voices and to our own worst instincts. As always, Jesus is our model of healing, outreach and reconciliation, the ultimate man of the Spirit.
Richard Rohr

Though I am poor and needy, the Lord cares for me.
Psalm 40.18

16th December 2018

Cardinal Newman said that ‘the Christian is the one who watches for Christ’. The whole liturgical year forms us to be a people with the courage to wait until the Lord comes. Advent trains us in the patience not to begin celebrating too early, resisting the temptation to celebrate Christ’s birth before he comes although the shops are filled with signs saying ‘Merry Christmas’, fighting the impulse to open the presents before Christmas Day.
Timothy Radcliffe

Is that a killjoy attitude? Are we Christians trying to ruin another fun thing? Today felt like a turning point in Advent; last night was my work Christmas do and whilst I was working the night shift we decided we would bring a party to the ward. Then today we had our Christingle services at St Michael's, hearing the Christmas story from the gospels and singing traditional carols. Afterwards my friends joined us for food and we watched Raymond Briggs The Snowman and Father Christmas. It felt Christmassy, like Christmas has arrived. But liturgically it hasn't. We still have to watch and wait.

I find the discipline of the Advent and Lent  seasons incredibly important for my spiritual health, I think we need these times to get back in tune with ourselves and God. And yet the excitement is building, Christmas is palpable we're so close now. It's not just about that one day, for me this slow spiritual preparation gets us ready to fully celebrate the wonder and mystery of the divine presence, present at the dawn and time and within all things, choosing to live our human life, to be here with us, a gift of love and hope and life.

Today I was joyful attending and leading the Christingle services, thankful for my wonderful friends Lins and Si and helpless in my lack of sleep.

Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
Philippians 4.5

13th December 2018

I've started a run of night shifts now so the blog will be a bit more random, shorter and certainly less thinky.

I'm going to take a pause from Richard Rohr's reflections to give a mention to another staple of my Advent- the Society of St John the Evangelist (SSJE) who promote the #adventword trend on social media, encouraging people to post photographs on the theme of their daily word. They send daily emails throughout the year with a word of the day and short reflection:

Wait
Everything in creation requires a time of gestation: canyons took millions of years to be formed by rivers of water; the oldest known Sequoia tree is said to have taken 3,266 years to grow; babies are not ready to be delivered at conception. I would say that it is a part of God’s order to wait.
-Br. Jim Woodrum

Today I felt joyful doing my job, I was thankful to be part of an amazing team and I felt helpless at my daughter's upset as we discussed the future of one of our more challenging pets.

May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you. 
1 Thessalonians 3.12

12th December 2018

Christians can sometimes come across as trying to make God very small, trying to confine God and place our own rules and values upon the divine creator. No wonder we can seem very unappealing to some. What is appealing is God's bigness and lack of confinement. God gets exciting when we try to see him as he is, not how we want him to be. God is not in the rules and hidden behind church building walls, God flows through everything.

Today I experienced God in the medical staff looking after my husband as he underwent a minor procedure, in his fellow patients, in the people we interacted with over lunch, in the shop staff we met this afternoon, in my kids, in each other and in an online community I'm part of, many of whom have been hurt by Christianity or those who profess to be part of it.

The presence of God can also be experienced through the love of nature, deep friendship, conjugal love, generous service of others, or the discoveries of genuine science.
Richard Rohr.

I felt joyful today knowing that someone was receiving a long-distance secret-Santa gift from me, I was thankful for my online community and I felt helpless that I start nights tomorrow and haven't achieved all I'd hoped to beforehand.

My soul clings to you; your right hand shall hold me fast.

Psalm 63.9

11th December 2018

Something struck me today about the language we use in Advent in light of the Richard Rohr reflections. We talk about waiting to meet God in the manger, as if we forget that God is in all things and is always with us. The Christ has been present in the whole of creation, but at Christmas became the human, Jesus. It was only through this that we began to truly know the the character of God and begin the fathom God's love for humanity.

God isn't "out there" but always with us and within us. At Christmas the Christ was born in human form but the Christ was always there, it took the person of Jesus for us to recognise that.

Today I was joyful listening to my friends sing in the local community choir Christmas concert, I was thankful for a rest and I felt helpless that they sometimes just isn't enough time or motivation.

Contemplation is not something we do. It is a free gift of the spirit; all we can do is surrender and “let go.” Every excursion into openness is a flooding in of the true self, remembering that the Divine is already within, waiting.
Beverley Lanzetta

My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready;
Psalm 57.8

10th December 2018

Thomas Merton was extraordinary. He died fifty years ago today but his writings revealed a gospel and form of Christianity I could get on board with. There were so many barriers to my coming back to church, so many things I couldn't agree with, but through Merton and those like him I understood that what I perceived Christianity to be wasn't necessarily what it is. This passage of Merton's writing is included in today's Richard Rohr reflection;

Contemplation... is a vivid realization of the fact that life and being in us proceed from an invisible, transcendent and infinitely abundant Source. Contemplation is above all, awareness of the reality of that Source. It knows the Source, obscurely, inexplicably, but with a certitude that goes both beyond reason and beyond simple faith. . . .

At Christmas we get ready to welcome the Source, to be alongside it, to know it lived and breathed among us.

Today I felt joyful telling patients they could go home, thankful I don't have a 5am alarm tomorrow and helpless walking alongside people in emotional pain.

Who told this long ago?
   Who declared it of old?
Isaiah 45.21

9th December 2018

I didn't intend on having the day off blogging yesterday, but it turns out being back at work is hard! This blog is partly about the realities of combining a full time very demanding job with priestly ministry and sometimes there just isn't enough time in the world (I've missed two days mindful colouring as well!)

The subject of Richard Rohr's reflections has changed today to contemplation, a subject which has become more and more important to me over the last eighteen months, but one it's really hard to find time for. Today's reflection opens with this;

We may think of prayer as thoughts or feelings expressed in words. But this is only one expression. . . . Prayer is the opening of mind and heart—our whole being—to God, the Ultimate Mystery, beyond thoughts, words, and emotions. Through grace we open our awareness to God whom we know by faith is within us, closer than breathing, closer than thinking, closer than choosing—closer than consciousness itself.
Thomas Keating

Today I was joyful watching "It's a Wonderful Life" even though I cried six times, I was thankful that life is goid right now and I felt helpless that some of my friends are struggling at the moment.

Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?’
Matthew 11.3

Day 29

Meditation is not merely the intellectual effort to master certain ideas about God, or even to impress upon our minds the mysteries of the Christian faith.  Conceptual knowledge of religious truth has an important place in our lives.  The spiritual life needs strong intellectual foundations, and reading theology helps us understand faith experience.  But meditation itself is neither study nor intellectual activity as such.  Its purpose is not to acquire or to deepen our speculative knowledge of God or of revelation.  Rather than seeking to know about God, we are seeking to know God directly, beyond all the objects which God has made.  We are seeking to experience God's presence with the awareness of loving faith.

A suggestion for your prayer and meditation:

Seek out a quiet place.  Find a comfortable, upright position in which you are relaxed but alert, with your eyes lightly closed.  Remain as still as possible.

Silently, begin to say interiorly a single word or phrase selected from the context of Christian faith.  Listen to it as you say it gently but continuously with faith and love.  Do not think or imagine anything, spiritual or otherwise.  If thoughts and images come and your attention strays, as soon as you become aware of this, return to saying your word.

(all of the above is taken from Prayer of Heart and Body by Father Thomas Ryan)
Pastor Patty Fox 40 Days with 40 Christian Mystics

I worry that the way we live our lives means we're turning away from contemplative practices. I'm guilty myself of attempting to fill every minute of every day, not taking time to pause, to be quiet; to just be.
Sometimes we just need to stop, which can be really scary as we don't know what we might find in the space when we do, but it could be something transformative.